I've been told that I'm unapproachable...

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nick007
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06 Feb 2011, 5:44 pm

Wombat wrote:
MarsCoban wrote:
HATE courting women, I hate doing the stupid little dance. EITHER YOU LIKE ME OR YOU DON'T, LET'S LAY IT BARE UP FRONT SO THAT WE CAN EITHER PROCEED OR MOVE ON!! ! I don't like to have to cut through all the trivial sh*ttalk to get at the real person. I HATE IT. So I don't do it...and I think this may also be a contributor to the (many, I think) reasons why I am essentially friendless.


Dude, you can't just walk up to a strange woman and ask "Do you want to f*ck?"

Mind you, I knew a guy who did just that.

He would go to a party or a bar and ask every girl there.

I said "Man, you have to be kidding. You must get your face slapped a lot"

He said "Yes I do, but you would be surprised how often it works. It saves a lot of time. If they all say no then I can spend the evening drinking with my friends".

It worked for him. :D

Was he Kevin Bloody Wilson :?:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b65Zf6r-RE[/youtube]


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Nambo
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06 Feb 2011, 7:31 pm

Sirius wrote:

"What's wrong?" "Why don't you smile?" .


My best response to this sort of question is to make them feel guilty with the following reply,:- "Iam smiling on the inside but my face doesnt work properly."



Daemonic-Jackal
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06 Feb 2011, 8:14 pm

MarsCoban wrote:
and scary. But, the funny thing is: I'm the one who is terrified. If I notice a girl I think is attractive notice me, you can bet I'm running. But the girlfriends I've had tell me that I am frightening, that all of their friends thought that I was scary, too. I'm not scary, I'm scared - and scrawny (not scary). I think it may be my facial expressions and/or the fact that I absolutely do not let girls I think are gorgeous know that I think that...I think I actually treat them as if they were ugly. I do it on purpose, because most pretty girls know they are pretty, and I feel like they expect me to think they are, which I don't like...so I act as if I thought they were nothing much, even if inside I'm going crazy for them. I think this may be a problem...

Do I look scary to you?

Also, can a person help being vain? I've been trying...I don't think I've made any progress...


You don't look scary at all although it sounds like you might giving off the impression you are unsociable (which is being mis-interpretated). But also bear this in mind, approaching someone isn't easy (as you already know) and a lot of people will bail on it because they are too afraid of what the reaction might be. The easiest cop-out excuse available in order to avoid that problem is to unfairly slap a label on someone and then before you know it people start jumping on the bandwagon because they are too easily influenced by those around them. It also sounds like some of your peers who are wrongly labelling you as 'scary' might need to grow up a little bit.

But if you think someone is attractive then don't treat them as you think they are ugly, you really aren't doing yourself any favours. Be friendly, say hello, try and make small talk (not just to women, but people in general) if they don't seem interested in keeping up the conversation then see who else might be approachable to talk to. Remember it's their loss, not yours.


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auntblabby
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07 Feb 2011, 12:43 am

Nambo wrote:
Sirius wrote:

"What's wrong?" "Why don't you smile?" .


My best response to this sort of question is to make them feel guilty with the following reply,:- "Iam smiling on the inside but my face doesnt work properly."


that is totally excellent. 8)



Mx3
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07 Feb 2011, 2:24 am

Your pic is fine, maybe it's the mannerisms?
When I was 17, a girl told me that the closest I'll ever get to sex is my regular contact with a toilet. That was also just an opinion.



daia
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11 Feb 2011, 8:30 pm

Based on your pic alone, you do not seem unapproachable, but it could be your expression when you are around girls that you like. I have been told I am unapproachable as well. Usually when guys approach me, the first thing they say is "I am not going to rape you." or "I won't hurt you, I promise." At first it was weird, but now it is just irritating. I am tempted to pretend to freak out the next time someone says something like that to me.



Surreal
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14 Feb 2011, 11:09 am

MidlifeAspie wrote:
Scary = doesn't maintain eye contact. Scary = doesn't smile enough. Scary = does not emote properly with facial features. Scary = Me.

I get this all the time as well. Once people get to know me they get over it. I have found many ways to use this to my advantage.


All of the above x Doesn't talk enough + Doesn't like to touch or be touched/No desire for a LTR = ME BEING SCARY



Last edited by Surreal on 15 Feb 2011, 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

DeusMechanicus
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15 Feb 2011, 11:28 am

You do not intimidate me. I am not a pretty or vein individual however. Perhaps you should avoid the pretty and vein sort of people and it is possible that you may have more success.



emlion
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15 Feb 2011, 11:32 am

I prefer an artery type of person. :3



auntblabby
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15 Feb 2011, 12:11 pm

i'm just waiting for my vestal vessel of voluptuously vital va-va-voom, corporeal capillaries of compash, aortas of awesomeness, and knodes of knowledge, to make me mouth moans of magnificence.



MarsCoban
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15 Feb 2011, 4:39 pm

DeusMechanicus wrote:
You do not intimidate me. I am not a pretty or vein individual however. Perhaps you should avoid the pretty and vein sort of people and it is possible that you may have more success.

I am glad that I do not intimidate you.

I do not discriminate when it comes to avoiding people. They all scare me. Even the people I already know scare me. And, so far as I've been told, I scare them.
However, when it comes to girls, I tend to prefer pretty ones. I am not opposed to being friends with a girl I don't find attractive, but anything more than that would not work for me, and my not being attracted to her when someone else might be would be unfair to her. I can't help that. Am I vain? Physical appearance is important to me, yes...but as physical appearance is an indicator of ones genetic make-up, I do not think that it is such a bad thing that I am attracted to girls that I think are pretty, versus ones I think aren't so pretty. It is the same with everyone, whether or not they will admit it. I can't force myself to think of a girl who I perceive as being less-than-beatutiful as being attractive, nor do I expect a girl to do that for me, if she considers me to be ugly, no matter how much we might like each other otherwise. Now, physical appearance is not all I care about, but it is a prerequisite, and I can not move beyond friendship with a girl if hers does not meet my standards, nor do I expect her to move beyond friendship with me if mine does not meet hers.


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techstepgenr8tion
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15 Feb 2011, 11:03 pm

emlion wrote:
I prefer an artery type of person. :3

Marble?



DeusMechanicus
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16 Feb 2011, 1:55 pm

Physical attraction is an essential part of the process, however, it is typical for many individuals to prefer a culturally prescribed concept of aesthetic beauty. It is useful to be aware of this because one’s personal idea of beauty may not correlate with that of the status quo, providing the individual has undergone a process of introspection.

If there is a classification of persons you find attractive, identify any correlations in their social behaviour and in their appearance. Reductionist methodology in compliment to empiricism will always provide reliable answers and if not, more suitable questions.



MarsCoban
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16 Feb 2011, 10:24 pm

DeusMechanicus wrote:
Physical attraction is an essential part of the process, however, it is typical for many individuals to prefer a culturally prescribed concept of aesthetic beauty. It is useful to be aware of this because one’s personal idea of beauty may not correlate with that of the status quo, providing the individual has undergone a process of introspection.

If there is a classification of persons you find attractive, identify any correlations in their social behaviour and in their appearance. Reductionist methodology in compliment to empiricism will always provide reliable answers and if not, more suitable questions.


I specifically said that I can't force myself to be attracted to girls who I don't consider pretty - what everyone else thinks doesn't concern me.


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DeusMechanicus
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17 Feb 2011, 3:28 am

There was no intended implication that you should "feel" attracted to females that you ‘do not find attractive’ - that is illogical.

Most individuals are not proficient at identifying their entire range of aesthetic preferences and therefore, it is efficient to acquire a flexible approach throughout the progression of one’s life, as additional or alternative variations in personality, arise, altering both perception and opinion. This is inevitable.



katzefrau
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21 Feb 2011, 10:45 pm

DeusMechanicus wrote:
Perhaps you should avoid the pretty and vein sort of people and it is possible that you may have more success.

emlion wrote:
I prefer an artery type of person. :3

auntblabby wrote:
i'm just waiting for my vestal vessel of voluptuously vital va-va-voom, corporeal capillaries of compash, aortas of awesomeness, and knodes of knowledge, to make me mouth moans of magnificence.


nice one blabby.

it really must be all the blood and guts that scares people away.


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