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Simonono
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11 Feb 2011, 10:44 am

Should I attempt to learn how to fit in with the world, pretending that I want to be a part of it, or stay as my-true-antisocial-creative-nerd-self and not include myself in the world?

Is fitting in vital to success and the only way foward in life? If so, I just won't do it. There's so, so much in the world that is really, to me, better off avoiding, so I can be myself. Politics, financial issues, war, jobs, driving, and worst of all, socializing, are just things I cannot deal with, and I just want to ignore them.

But can I? I mean, a job, I know I will have to get for some reason :?, well only because my parents will tell me to, but all I would spend the money on is things for myself. I have no goals with money, other than to randomly go to America, on my own. A crazy idea to want to go alone, I know.

No one has taught me about relationships, and reading about them just baffles my mind, so I will never need to spend money on a girlfriend, or raise a family. Because I could never gain such things first.

"Don't be so negative!" People may say. Well... I just said no one has taught me about relationships, and I can't understand them myself, so how can I work on something I can't even learn? Please, if you comment, no abuse. That puts me down even more and I think about your comment for days.

Ahhh, thought explosion!! 8O



twitching77
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11 Feb 2011, 10:53 am

:(

really not sure what to say.
i tried making it on my own when i was about your age. . .moved to a big city to live with one of my cousins, got a cool job, even got myself into a tech school (ITT Tech).
life was amazing. . .and i was living the hell out of it. . .for a little while.
ended up crashing hard. not going to go into details here, but within just 1 week i left (with no warning to him) my cousin's, quit my job, and stopped going to school.
it took me years to bounce back from it all.

so i'm not someone to be giving advice :*(

i do feel bad for you though. . .it's freaking scary facing the reality that you're going to have to move on. . .or at least attempt to.
i say keep your parents close and involved with everything you plan on doing.
if it weren't for my dad's amazing support during my crash, i'm not sure i would've made it honestly.

hopefully someone with some actual advice will come along and help. lol no idea why i posted now >.<"
guess i just wanted to say i feel for you.



rabbitears
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11 Feb 2011, 10:56 am

There is far too much pressure on everybody in society to fit in and find their place in the 'system', if that makes sense. You shouldn't have to do everything that is expected of you by others just because that's what they expect. But it probably doesn't help to go against everything either, because you may need people when you may not realize it. I think all that can really be done is that you find the right balance of individualism, whatever makes you happy and content, and conformity.
If you don't want anything to do with war, politics, social events or anything like that, it's really just down to you. Nobody should make you become part of something you don't think is necessary or enjoyable. I feel the same way you do about pretty much everything you have written, so I'm sort of only just finding my own path in life too. It is difficult, but just do what you feel you want to do, within reason.
Also, when you get a job, make sure it's one you enjoy. I cannot emphasize that one enough.


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amber_missy
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11 Feb 2011, 11:35 am

I've always just been myself and if have the view that, if people can't handle it, that's their problem, not mine, and if they don't want to take the time to get to know me, then they're not worth my time either!

I'd say, be yourself, but learn how to try to control the highs and lows (eg. for a job - it might not work all the time, but why not) and conform for the odd occassion when it would benefit you (eg. job interviews) or social occassions where you might genuinly upset someone (my example would be my sister's birthday parties when we were kids - I had to go as I was her sister, her friends didn't like me and she'd practiacally disowned me, so I took a book and kept myself to myself in a corner and didn't upset anyone - other than the adults who wanted me to "join in", but they don't count! :P )...

The money thing (aka reason to get a job), usually is through the striving for independance. If you're capable of living alone (and someone wanting to go to America probably should be), then you should be looking to make your own way in the world. Most people would ideally like to live without having to depend on their parents for everything. I started saving for my first house at the age of 13 coz I wanted to get out. I was paying my parents rent at the age of 16 (when I got my first job) and finally bought my own house at 21. I realise living alone (renting/mortgage) isn't feasible for everyone (some people may not be capable of living on their own without supervision, which is also fine), but until you do it, you never really appreciate how much rent/mortgage, electricity, gas, food, water, council tax, repairs, fuel, car tax, MOTs, and the other zillion costs of running a household, actually add up to a lot!

On the other hand, some capable people are happy to sponge off their parents until they are 40!

Just my tuppence...



Moog
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11 Feb 2011, 1:16 pm

Bit of both, matey, bit of both.


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Asp-Z
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11 Feb 2011, 1:32 pm

You can be yourself and still try and include yourself in the world in your own unique way. 'Tis what I do.



richardbenson
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11 Feb 2011, 1:33 pm

A little bit of both I would imagine. :pig:


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analyser23
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11 Feb 2011, 2:53 pm

The older you get, the more people you will encounter who will like you BETTER because you are a bit different :) Many people enjoy quirky people, as they get tired of others all being "the same". I have always tried to wear my quirkiness with pride, and people can find me interesting/entertaining/breath of fresh air/funny. And those who don't, well, whatever lol
I use my preference to be "distant" in a cool/confident way (if someone is comfortably doing their own thing, they look confident). You can also gain a lot more respect from being a person who "keeps out of trouble". I have earnt a lot of respect kind of "accidentally" just by being around people but not interacting lol Is weird.
I only go out into public when I have to - to work, and do errands, and occasionally to a social function. Other than that I would much rather be at home doing my own thing. But if I hadn't had a job then I wouldn't have the money for my own home, nor the money to pursue my passions in Life. I LOVE my own home - everything in it was selected by me and I set aaaall the rules he he lol
I think it is good to learn to "pretend to fit in" just enough to help you get by in Life while still being yourself. I dont understand most people but I always do my best to treat them with respect, and since so many people never bother with that, people like me for it, even if they think I am a little odd.

Liz


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draelynn
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11 Feb 2011, 4:14 pm

Well, if you're not 'yourself', who would you be? I think the world is a much better place with all the diverse, quirky differences. The world would be incredibly boring if we were all alike. I will always say 'Be yourself!' even though I know how hard that can be. There will always be some give and take but the bottom line - you need to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning. It's easier for me if I like the person looking back at me.

I'm not an expert, this is just my own observation - One of the things that 'normal' people seem to respond to the most is confidence. You can be different and odd and people will overlook it more often if you are confident in yourself. Confidence is very attractive. If you can feel good about yourself for who you are, people may naturally respond more positively. How one actually goes about that is a question I'm still working on myself. :)



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11 Feb 2011, 5:38 pm

I've been fitting into the world since I've been r being myself for the past two years. As a punk during my Dark Period, I didn't fit in anywhere. I fit in more as a mop-topped Kinks Fan. The people in my area identify more with the 60s, than the 70s.


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CockneyRebel
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11 Feb 2011, 5:41 pm

Be yourself and fit in better. It's ironic but it works for me. :scratch:


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