Don't You Hate Being Relegated to Online Socializing Only?

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NeantHumain
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10 Jan 2005, 12:35 am

I'm on break from my studies at college, and I've returned home with my mother, stepfather, brother, and sister. I have to admit it's been a long, boring time. I have no friends or even acquaintences at home, so I have no one to do anything with. I really crave some face-to-face interaction with people outside my family. Online discussions which are really comparisons of various symptoms and problems in daily life just aren't doing it for me.

My "fun quota" has run precipitously low. I'm stuck inside the house because I can't even think of anywhere to go except places to go out to eat. I want to do something a little bit exciting, actually; I want to try something new for a change; I'm stuck in a rut. I wanted to go skiing at a local ski resort this weekend; but, of course, I have no friends to go with; my brother and sister won't go with me; and neither of my parents will go. For my birthday, I went iceskating for less than an hour with my mom and stepfather in an indoor rink, but that was a few months ago. I think I'm getting a bit of "cabin fever" from being constrained to a small area with little to do. I've tried creative activities like sketching, painting, and writing; but it's hard to come up with ideas without experiences to inspire me. I have little motivation to do things: I have no one to look forward to seeing and nothing to look forward to doing.

I think, from the lack of new experiences, I've only been reanalyzing the few experiences I've had in the relatively recent past over and over too much. I've been a little bit irritable and snapping at people who don't deserve it at all; I'm very frustrated. I've tried contacting the groups for young adults with Asperger's syndrome in my area, but the people haven't been in when I've called so far, and these groups only meet once a month or so anyway.

I'm not saying I think I'm too good for socializing online. It's just that it's thoroughly unsatisfying for me personally. The conversations don't stimulate me. I'd really like to go see a movie and then discuss it afterwards with some hypothetical friends, talk about politics and debate the condition of the nation and so forth, find people to show my artwork to and possibly see some of their artwork too and talk about what we think about them, and a woman to meet where the love is mutual. I want to go out to eat with friends, tell and hear jokes, hear what they're thinking, laugh, smile, release stress, and argue about how to pay the bill afterwards. :lol:

I want friends who won't dismiss nearly all of my suggestions, think my sense of humor isn't funny, and only just barely tolerate me. I don't want to be examined under a microscope for my eccentricities or thought crazy for them. I don't want my intentions to be misread as intentionally mean when I merely misunderstood and actually tried to be polite or simply didn't know what to do out of nervousness.



Scoots5012
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10 Jan 2005, 1:59 am

I think if it were feasable to do so, all of us would get together someplace and have a good old time with each other.

I'd visit you, the only problem is your in St Louis, I'm in Wisconsin, that would mean a day and half of driving, plus the other hassles of travel, not that I wouldn't have any trouble finding your house (I'm good with finding my way around).


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duncvis
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10 Jan 2005, 4:13 am

I appreciate that you are bored and frustrated NeantHumain, but expressing that by making judgmental or derisive comments on people doesn't help you avoid giving the impression of being intentionally mean online.

Other than that I have no suggestions unfortunately, we are all pretty geographically scattered though I'm sure there are a few here who are in the same situation. :roll:

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magic
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10 Jan 2005, 6:37 am

I second Scoots, it's a shame that the teleportation hasn't been invented yet! NeantHumain, you sound like an interesting fellow, and I would love to engage in discussions and exchange jokes with you. I think that it would be a very good idea if you could start some stimulating discussions on the board. Please don't be too hard on yourself and others. I am sure that there are many people here who are stuck in social isolation. I was for most of my life, but then unexpectedly I have found friends, shortly after I lost all hope. It's just the matter of finding right people. You will find them too.



Civet
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10 Jan 2005, 10:16 am

I understand how you feel, NeantHumain. Whenever I go home, I tend to get rather depressed. I have some friends from high school, but they are often not around, and it is very awkward and uncomfortable for me to get together with them, as we rarely see eachother, and they seem to be so much further ahead than I am in their lives. The biggest problem (other than some social anxiety) is that I can't drive, so I can't go anywhere of m own volition. I don't want to have to ask my friends to pick me up at 21 years old. And I can't just go out somewhere when I want to by myself, either. It's always at my parents' convenience, as though I'm a dependent little kid.

At school, it is better for me, because most things are in walking distance, and there is also a good public transportation system (unlike my home town, which has about 5 buses total for the whole city.) Also, I have a lot of quirky friends there who I can spend time with. The issue is more often not that I have no one to spend time with, but that I can't spend time with them because I am too stressed out or tired and need some alone time. It can be hard having friends so close by, because sometimes they just won't go away! :P It is good, though, in that it keeps me from completely isolating myself, which I would do if I lived alone.

For now, if you want to discuss certain topics, why don't you bring them up on Wrong Planet? I know that internet interaction is not the same, but atleast it's interaction.



hale_bopp
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10 Jan 2005, 6:50 pm

omg, I COMPLETLEY understand how you feel.

I love my time alone, but sometimes am bored or irratable when I could be doing something more fun and being out there with people.

Not having things to look foward to has been a big problem in my life, but my own problem, and the places to eat here are boring.

What would be really cool is if all the shops in town were quirky and different. :(



car_crash
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10 Jan 2005, 11:54 pm

yes i hate it. i'd like to have the option of real life socializing also. ive met quite a few decent people online who' i'd still keep in touch with via msn. real life or no real life



Zora
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11 Jan 2005, 4:40 am

If you're at all geeky, joining a LUG (Linux Users Group) is a great place to meet other geeks -- who might well have Aspie tendencies. Most places have LUGs these days.



Mel
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11 Jan 2005, 2:25 pm

Civet wrote:

For now, if you want to discuss certain topics, why don't you bring them up on Wrong Planet? I know that internet interaction is not the same, but atleast it's interaction.


I'd second what Civet has said- I'm sure plenty of us would love to discuss other topics.

With me having such a socially intense life at home- being with the kids all day can be very tiring, especially when two of them never stop talking- so when I do finally get time to myself online socialising is enough for me. I'm also lucky in that I have Dunc to talk to when I have stuff on my mind or I just want to have an adult conversation.
However from time to time I do think it would be great to have offline friends I could spend time with, even if it is tiring.


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MishLuvsHer2Boys
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11 Jan 2005, 3:32 pm

Honestly after having several failed friendships with people trying to use me in some ways I am glad to have online friendships, I don't trust friendships as much offline as much anymore. Just had an old female 'friend' contact me more recently yet for the longest period of ignoring me and even ignoring me in public when I said hi and now she's contact me over IM and phone. I don't get it. Sometimes I wish I could just tell her that if she wanted nothing to do with me than, why now? And to stop calling me.



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11 Jan 2005, 3:44 pm

To answer your subject heading, although my life now isn't 100 per cent online, yes, big time. I've been in your shoes, and when I was your age too. AS + badly handled by parents = being very lonely.

I won't be a Pollyanna but based on my adult life will say that if you drive things will get at least a little better.

Being angry and bitter about being stuck in this position isn't wrong - it's normal! A normal reaction to an abnormal situation. I think a lot of AS behaviour is just that.