Aspies and having trouble sustaining friendship

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EternalSunshine
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20 Feb 2011, 1:34 pm

I remember when I was in high school, I went to a special ed school intended specifically for people with social deficits (mostly Aspies). From what I recall, none of the kids were able to form long-lasting friendships. Relationships were prone to change very quickly; people were constantly becoming "best friends", breaking up, not talking to each other for awhile, getting back together again and then breaking up again. I don't remember a single relationship that lasted more than a few months.


Reaching out to other kids and initiating contact was part of the grade; if you didn't attempt to socialize, you got marked down. However, every single time anyone tried to reach out to anyone, it never ended well. It got to the point that some people became very closed-in and were even more afraid of social interaction than before they went to the school. The teachers were very unhelpful; they merely told the students what they were supposed to do. They made no effort to understand the underlying motivations of certain kids' behaviors towards one another and teach them how to problem-solve within the context of complex social situations.


Anyone relate to this or have any idea why this may be?



Todesking
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20 Feb 2011, 2:12 pm

It was weird for me I never set out to make someone my friend. I always seemed to attract friends who wanted to hang out with me because I have the bad habit of saying really messed inappropiate, but funny things. Once they get to know me they would see I keep to myself as much as possible. Most NT's think I do not like them that much anymore and they stop coming around. They will tell one of my brothers that they stopped hanging out with me because I was not coming around anymore or telling them I am busy when they call I guess this seem like I am avoiding them. My brothers would tell them I need alone time and still want to hang out with them but they never believe them. :roll:

The friends who stuck around usually have wives or girlfriends that do not like me for whatever reason and they make their boyfriend/husband stop hanging out with me. :roll: Its ok I really do not mind being by myself. It seems the older I get the more I want to be alone.


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20 Feb 2011, 2:44 pm

Hello my fellow wolf! (Or is your picture of a husky or even fox? Obviously I'm no expert...)

I think it's because people on the autistic spectrum are biochemically less trusting than neurotypical people. Lower oxytocin levels and such. A scientist would be able to explain this better I'm sure. It's therefore harder to form and maintain close warm intimate bonds with other people, however much we might want to and be lonely without them.



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20 Feb 2011, 3:25 pm

I should have also added (to balance out the yearning for touchy-feelyness expressed above by me) that in my personal experience, more than a few straight hours of close friendly intimate contact with anybody sort of disgusts me in a major way, as if I'm trapped in a real-life Lifetime: Television for Women movie. (Whether the people I'm interacting with are women or men.) Well not necessarily one of the channel's many movies about serial killers/cheating husbands, but any empathetic girl-talky type show I guess.

This is sad cause I know this contact is how friendships are made. Maybe you've had similar experiences?



Bells
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21 Feb 2011, 3:48 pm

This is one of my bggest issues. I can make friends with little problem - but the main issues are maintaining the friendships beyond a short period of time and expanding beyond the small group of friends. I have no real interest in having a large number of friends and tend to get overwhelmed with too many people, so I end up making little effort to get to know others after a point (subconsciously it seems).

But, as for the friends I already have, I tend to loose them fairly quickly...some fall out of friendship but a lot of them end up having a huge issue with something I've done, said, etc. that I didn't realize was even a problem and not explaining in detail why the friendship ended or just got weaker. I know it's not a standard for people to just come out and say exactly how they're feeling, but the fact that no one does that when I do something to bother them is what I think ends the friendships...

I guess my social skills just aren't to the point where I can pick up such human subtleties on my own yet...



Merculangelo
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23 Feb 2011, 9:19 am

Original Post:

That sounds like a normal public school. The only time I was in a normal public school was in Elementary school and a little of Junior High. People were always making new best friendships, ending them, starting new ones, etc. And from what I gather, this is true in Highschool too.


The only time my friendships ended was when these friends moved away, which ended up happening a number of times. Only one friend stopped talking to me because I moved to a different school and didn't wan't to go to shopping malls and such. Apart from these friends, usually only one at a time, the rest of the student body was mostly a blur.
In the non-public schools I went to I wouldn't say I had any real friends at all. I rarely spoke to people other than teachers.