Do you find yourself attracted to the wrong type of girl?

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YoungAspie
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22 Feb 2011, 11:30 am

RightGalaxy wrote:

YoungAspie wrote:

wefunction wrote:

Without considering AS a factor, why do you think you're choosing girls who are wrong for you?

I think Bloodheart sort-of had it accurate. I just sort of end up talking to certain types of girls, and find myself liking them, but I like them BEFORE I find out about these things. I do generally seem to accept in a relationship/friendship with them, that all the sh** things they do to me I deserve.

I'm thinking because I can't tell the signs before I start to like them, that there might not be something quite right with them, I fall into this trap a lot. Does that make sense?

You DO see that something is not right with them - you close your eyes to it due to the same damned thing we aspies all experience TOO much. It's called being lonely. Being lonely makes you swallow a lot of what you don't want until it becomes unbearable and then we get stuck and desparate to get out. You have to learn to like being lonely so you're not blinded to their faults. Being lonely is an acquired taste. Get used to it and don't settle for less in relationships. I have a 12 year son who has been friends with people he absolutely hates all because he had NO friends. He didn't want to be alone so he puts up with it until he can't stand it anymore and ends up clobbering them. Being an aspie, he doesn't have the courage to try and make friends with people he truly admires. He doesn't feel good enough and doesn't want to risk rejection. Outcasts are more approachable to him BUT there is a reason why they are outcasts. He's an outcast too but he is seen that way because everybody knows he has had a start in special ed. - it's an issue of prejudice. They won't give him a chance.

Hmm, I'm not sure that suits me. I don't have terrible self-esteem when it comes to friends - if I like and want to be friends with someone I do it. I think it's just women tbh, and yeah, I am willing to overlook it at times due to loneliness, but when person C came along I wasn't expecting what I found out at all.

emlion
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22 Feb 2011, 11:33 am

YoungAspie wrote:

emlion wrote:

yeah

I find that really interesting

As person B ALWAYS felt themselves to be worthless, and as such, always assumed I felt so too, whereas person C always seems to come off as thinking the world of themselves, then randomly, when alone, would snap into thinking themselves worthless. Does that sound similar?

Yes highly.
Sometimes I hate myself and sometimes I think it's not my fault bad things happened.
I flip very quickly too. But I don't manipulate and hurt people because of it.

YoungAspie
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22 Feb 2011, 11:36 am

emlion wrote:

YoungAspie wrote:

emlion wrote:

yeah

I find that really interesting

Yes highly.
Sometimes I hate myself and sometimes I think it's not my fault bad things happened.
I flip very quickly too. But I don't manipulate and hurt people because of it.

She did, a lot. Recently when I ceased talking to her it was because she'd decided I was stalking her and felt like telling the world about it, while saying to my face she felt awful for saying it. WAYY too much drama. I do hope you're not like that?

I notice in your profile it says you're unsure if you have AS or not. Do you suffer/think you suffer from anything else?

emlion
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22 Feb 2011, 11:39 am

Gosh, I hope i'm not. As far as other people tell me, I don't hurt other people - just myself. And I don't do that so much now either.
It's true though, you should keep away from someone manipulative like her.

PTSD maybe, or bi-polar. I don't ever want to be diagnosed with anything though, I don't like labels, or medication.
I just coast along the best I can.

I'm doing okay now. I'm more balanced than I used to be, since I found a good man to look after me.

wefunction
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22 Feb 2011, 11:41 am

RightGalaxy wrote:

I have a 12 year son who has been friends with people he absolutely hates all because he had NO friends. He didn't want to be alone so he puts up with it until he can't stand it anymore and ends up clobbering them. Being an aspie, he doesn't have the courage to try and make friends with people he truly admires. He doesn't feel good enough and doesn't want to risk rejection.

I know how your son feels. I went through the same thing. I was friends with some real crap people when I was a kid. I didn't have special education classes, though. I wasn't diagnosed. My teacher made fun of me in class so that was how I became "an outcast" at school. My mother would get so mad at me for hanging out with people who would end up bullying me... but her approach of insulting me about it didn't really straighten that out for me. It took me a long time to figure out how not to have crap people for friends.

My son has taken a different approach. He was bullied in third grade, and the worst bully was a friend in between bullying, so we took some time to analyze that experience to find out what he could do to avoid people. He's in fifth grade now and has chosen people whose company he genuinely enjoys. He doesn't have a lot of friends but he has a few that he can rely on.

YoungAspie
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22 Feb 2011, 11:42 am

emlion wrote:

That's good

I hope she stops. Due to where I study I still have to see her a lot, which isn't such a great thing.

Sorry to seem nosy, as I don't know much about you, can I ask, PTSD from what? I'm just curious to know. I don't think I'd ever go for a diagnosis either, I'd make me feel uncomfortable to know for sure. I just like to THINK things about myself, rather than be 100% sure.

That's really sweet

Let's hope he sticks around. What's he like?

emlion
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22 Feb 2011, 11:45 am

YoungAspie wrote:

emlion wrote:

That's good

Let's hope he sticks around. What's he like?

A lot of bad things - rape/beatings/violence, i've seen someone get shot, i've been stabbed. to name a few.

He's perfect. He accepts me when i'm having a bad day, lets me tell him everything and knows when to leave me alone when I want to have some time alone. And he never pushes me to talk or be normal.

YoungAspie
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22 Feb 2011, 11:59 am

Wow, and you're only 21.

He sounds really lovely. When I was with B, I think I pushed her too much to talk about things, and it led her into the arms of an ex. I wish I could've been as understanding as your guy sounds.

emlion
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22 Feb 2011, 12:02 pm

Aha yep, well i've been on my own pretty much since I was 5, so it's a long time. >.<

It took us a while to even things out, it used to be difficult with him - mostly because I was very difficult.
Now he knows me, and I know him.

YoungAspie
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22 Feb 2011, 12:10 pm

Wow, do you mind me asking what happened?

I've thought this before, but you saying that has made me think about it a bit more, that she didn't really give me a chance to 'even it out'. She got bored and went back to him, is the impression I got. Which sucks, but, I do hope I find someone better

emlion
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22 Feb 2011, 12:15 pm

YoungAspie wrote:

My mum died, my dad was a drunk. In and out of care, in the end I decided I was better off with drug dealers on the streets. Which looking back, I wasn't.

Exactly, if theres no chance to even it out - it can't be fixed.
It's taken us over a year to be happy fully with each other and act like adults.

YoungAspie
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22 Feb 2011, 12:21 pm

From what you've told me, it sounds like C has experienced nothing compared to you. I hope she gets some perspective in later life.

Thanks for the chat, btw It's been nice to get to know you. I have no idea how you've managed to post over 4000 things on the site :S Do you use it a lot?

emlion
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22 Feb 2011, 12:23 pm

YoungAspie wrote:

From what you've told me, it sounds like C has experienced nothing compared to you. I hope she gets some perspective in later life.

Thanks for the chat, btw

It's been nice to get to know you. I have no idea how you've managed to post over 4000 things on the site :S Do you use it a lot?

Yep. She probably will. I always think it's better to be positive, because someone has always had it worse off than you!

Haha, yes I do - and I post on many things, although I mostly hang out in the adult forum.

There's not a lot for me to do when i'm not at work and my boyfriend is, and I don't like to be outside.

YoungAspie
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22 Feb 2011, 12:54 pm

I try and be positive about life for the same reason, I don't always succeed though

What's the adult forum like? I haven't had a chance to look over there yet. Joined a couple of years ago but I've only just become interested to post.

How come you don't like to be outside? Besides the cold, of course

emlion
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22 Feb 2011, 12:55 pm

I like the adult forum, it's generally light and breezy.
& there's too many people outside. >.<

YoungAspie
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22 Feb 2011, 1:08 pm

"Light and Breezy" Sounds nice

Is it that you just don't want to see anyone or are afraid of talking to others or...?

EDIT: Sorry, just realised I'm not being very Breezy

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