Are you currently in a long term romantic relationship?

Page 2 of 4 [ 49 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next


Are you in a long term romantic relationship?
Diagnosed/suspected AS/ASD FEMALE – I’m currently in a LTR 30%  30%  [ 34 ]
Diagnosed/suspected AS/ASD FEMALE – I’m NOT currently in a LTR 23%  23%  [ 26 ]
Diagnosed/suspected AS/ASD MALE – I’m currently in a LTR 18%  18%  [ 21 ]
Diagnosed/suspected AS/ASD MALE – I’m NOT currently in a LTR 27%  27%  [ 31 ]
I do not have AS/ASD and/or I just want to see the results 3%  3%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 115

Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

09 Mar 2011, 10:14 pm

No I'm not. I have girl parts, and I'm diagnosed with AS.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


websister
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jun 2010
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 165
Location: Canada

09 Mar 2011, 10:25 pm

Poke wrote:
I look at these results and think one thing: sub-clinical.


Disagree -
I have a couple of theories - I do tend to agree with Simon Baron-Cohen re: the extreme male brain and autism - therefore I think that it can be easier for a female (not saying it always is) to be in a long term relationship with a male - in my relationship my husband has never been bothered by questions from me about his feelings, neither of us is that emotionally needy; he is freer to pursue some of his own interests due to my need for alone time and my own "special interests"; this works for us.

Temple Grandin has also stated that people of her generation (I'm somewhat younger but still "older") were made to learn good manners and, while difficult to learn at the time, this hasn't been a completely negative thing, it has been helpful in relationships.



simon_says
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,075

10 Mar 2011, 3:21 am

The results are pretty much what I expected.

It reminds me of the episode of Arrested Development where Charlize Theron's character is being pursued by Michael. He just keeps overlooking the fact that she is mentally disabled in some way because he's so attracted to her. In most cultures men are the sexual hunters and an introverted female will still be hunted.



ediself
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,202
Location: behind you!!!

10 Mar 2011, 6:22 am

poppyfields wrote:
ediself wrote:
Bloodheart wrote:
Three years with my NT boyfriend...not sure I'd call it romantic though (I dislike romance).


5 years (almost) of non romantic relationship.


What makes it non-romantic? (different people could interpret that different ways)


Non romantic...As in, we do tell each other we still love each other, from time to time, to make sure we still want to be together. Because there are no other signs of it :) we live as friends, not much kissing or touching going on (during the day), no presents or gestures or anything that entails the other one having to prove his love likewise , which could escalate into a "romance battle" which someone would lose. We just let each other be, neither of us is very touchy feely, and we both need long hours of not talking to each other. If he comes to me or I come to him, we generally respond to the demand of the other, but we're not always side by side,we would fight endlessly if it were the case, "social overload" not helping. These days we don't even live in the same country anymore :P
Both pretty fine with it.



poppyfields
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jul 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 377

10 Mar 2011, 6:45 am

I don't think having a partner makes you subclinical. For one thing, in american culture (and true for lots of other places too) men do a lot more of the pursuing than woman. Secondly, I have a very supportive partner, even though I wish he would do some researching on his own. I wasn't diagnosed until a year into our relationship, and now he's a lot more accmodating to some things. I think I would have an impossible time beyond the initial stage when attraction can get you pretty far, but then you need something more stable to build on. I think as an NT-AS couple (thoughh he has social anxiety and also not great social skills) we have a lot of issues other couples don't even get. For example last night he wanted to leave at 11:13 and usually we talk till midnight and it led to me melting down because I wasn't expecting a change in schedule. That to me isn't subclinical.



Kaybee
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,446
Location: A hidden forest

10 Mar 2011, 7:01 am

Janissy wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
j0sh wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I have been with my husband for three years.

I'm sure he's a very lucky guy. :-)

He is and never had a girlfriend before nor ever had sex. He has even attempted suicide like serveral times before we met but someone always came home before he could do it. Now he is the happiest guy. I was lucky he never did it or else I would have never met him and had this baby.

I hope some people who are feeling depressed and suicidal can see this. Things do get better. This is evidence. I bet if somebody had told him "three years from now you will be a happy husband and father" he would have cursed them for lying. But here he is, living a life with you and that cute son in your avatar which he probably never thought was possible before he met you.


I'm not feeling depressed or suicidal, but all the same, it does inspire a degree of optimism. I am very happy for you and your husband, League_Girl. :)


_________________
"A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."


HarryB
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2011
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 3

10 Mar 2011, 11:37 am

j0sh wrote:
Are you in a long term romantic relationship… and do you have boy-parts or girl-parts?

We've been married for 37 years and dated throughout high school, so we've been best friends for about 40 years.

Long term? A neighbor couple was married for 75 years...

Romantic? I don't do the stuff that our consumer society claims is necessary to be romantic - the kind that takes money. But, we walk hand in hand whenever we're walking somewhere and ride a tandem bicycle together 3 or 4 days a week. And we spend almost every waking hour together, and always sleep together...

I can't find any boy-parts - nor any girl-parts either. But, I can find lots of man-parts.


_________________
Those who wish to control their own lives and move beyond existence as mere clients and consumers- those people ride a bicycle.
- Wolfgang Sachs


j0sh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,191
Location: Tampa, Florida

10 Mar 2011, 11:56 am

HarryB wrote:
I can't find any boy-parts - nor any girl-parts either. But, I can find lots of man-parts.


I was just trying to be playful in how I worded the question, because a closely related question usually turns into a mean spirited discussion. I'm happy that didn't happen.



starygrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 795

10 Mar 2011, 12:19 pm

Poke wrote:
I look at these results and think one thing: sub-clinical.


Sub-clinical means not needing or desiring medical intervention.

I kind of qualify as this at the moment, but I can tell you I have been at the clinical stage in some way or another throughout much of my life. Clinical stages do not last forever, they ultimately can go away as issues are resolved.

I will be honest, it has been my LTR which helped me heal some wounds I have, I have not had a meltdown in a YEAR. I used to melt down every couple of months. But I had therapy to help me identify and address the meltdowns.

Right now my issue is friendships. I have on occasion alienated friends with the meltdowns. I will live with that.



Poke
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 605

10 Mar 2011, 12:46 pm

starygrrl wrote:
Poke wrote:
I look at these results and think one thing: sub-clinical.


Sub-clinical means not needing or desiring medical intervention.


In regard to autism, "sub-clinical" usually means having autistic traits, but not enough to meet the clinical criteria for a diagnosis. In regard to other conditions, the definition can vary quite a bit, often denoting an early "stage".

My comment was meant as a joke, by the way.



Callista
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,775
Location: Ohio, USA

10 Mar 2011, 2:00 pm

You need an option for "I do not want a relationship".


_________________
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com

Autism Memorial:
http://autism-memorial.livejournal.com


FarqyTheIndolent
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,160
Location: United Kingdom

22 Mar 2011, 8:27 pm

Female with diagnosed AS, and in a relationship with a male with diagnosed AS. It's my first relationship.

It's not strictly 'long-term', in that we've only been together for just over three months, but we aim for it to be long-term...



daydreamer84
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,001
Location: My own little world

22 Mar 2011, 8:43 pm

I'm AS diagnosed, girl parts and no relationship. I had one (extremely short) failed marriage last year and am quite happy on my own at the moment....................



TTRSage
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 30 Aug 2010
Age: 73
Gender: Male
Posts: 468
Location: Alone In My Aspie Cubbyhole

22 Mar 2011, 10:42 pm

Diagnosed AS MALE age 60 – I’m NOT currently in a LTR. Last LTR I was in was back in 1995 and ended when I got dumped in favor of a wealthy barhopper. It took me a year and a half to recover from it.



Mithra
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 3 Nov 2006
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 45

23 Mar 2011, 12:59 am

Female, 33, undiagnosed but absolutely sure AS.
I have been in my current relationship going on 3 years (this July). We live together. This is the first relationship where my obsessions are a benefit rather than a deficit. He gets just as obsessed with technology and video games as I do, and neither of us feel left out when the other spends hours on the computer or console. My interests vary a bit more than his, but it doesn't matter since we can entertain ourselves. Just being together in the same room is enough many days; we don't have to talk or entertain each other (I've been known, in the past, to not say a single word to anyone for days).



tcorrielus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jun 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 640
Location: Boston, MA

26 Mar 2011, 6:33 pm

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE PLEASE:

For the aspies that claim they are in a long-term relationship with NTs, I'd like to ask you a few questions:

1) What did you do to successfully initiate the relationship? What did you do to socially attract your bf or gf?

2) What have you done to successfully maintain the relationship or prevent it from falling apart?

I am asking these questions because I want to initiate and successfully maintain a healthy relationship with a woman in the future. So please help me out fellow aspies.