26 Mar 2011, 6:33 pm
26 Mar 2011, 8:08 pm
tcorrielus wrote:
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE PLEASE:
For the aspies that claim they are in a long-term relationship with NTs, I'd like to ask you a few questions:
1) What did you do to successfully initiate the relationship? What did you do to socially attract your bf or gf?
I'm in my 30s, Aspie, married for almost 3 years to a wonderful woman & we've been together for almost 7 years. We have one daughter. I read up on Internet sources in the early 2000s for how to talk to women in a flirty/chatty way, and kept practicing (with my share of rejection) until it came natural, I just cracked jokes and didn't care about the outcome, but was still mindful of her concerns (i.e. holding the door for her), and let her call me more than vice-versa. Also I used plenty of email with witty comments that she found funny
2) What have you done to successfully maintain the relationship or prevent it from falling apart?
Well, to be honest, it's been challenging at times!! Mostly b/c of my short-term memory for multitasking, she asks me to do A,B,C, & D, and I 'll forget C or A or whatever - or I won't read between the lines as to the unstated expectations. That's caused her to get angry at me, but I calmly acknowledged her frustration and asked if she could not bombard me with too much at once, as I function best with one thing at a time. We seem to have reached a compromise on that. On keeping the relationship together, I am very attentive and affectionate with her, I'm usually the one who makes dinner, and still use the boyish cockiness & charm that I've worked on in the past. I will admit, somewhat ashamedly, that when I disclosed my disability to her back in 2007 after getting interrogated over my 'stubborness', she told me I don't really have autism. I blew up & lost my temper, nothing physically violent, but I did break a candlestick on the dresser amidst much yelling that she doesn't have a clue what autism spectrum is and stop pretending to be the expert. That caused her to break down in tears, saying that we shouldn't be together, and I got very upset and ashamed...apologised over and over again, bought her flowers, and so forth. We're still together...but I thought for sure I would have lost her from that meltdown. She made me a better person and vice-versa and we admit we both have our flaws but we have by and large enjoyed our journey together 
Regardless of whether we stay together, I just want our daughter to grow up and have a good life.
I am asking these questions because I want to initiate and successfully maintain a healthy relationship with a woman in the future. So please help me out fellow aspies.
For the aspies that claim they are in a long-term relationship with NTs, I'd like to ask you a few questions:
1) What did you do to successfully initiate the relationship? What did you do to socially attract your bf or gf?
I'm in my 30s, Aspie, married for almost 3 years to a wonderful woman & we've been together for almost 7 years. We have one daughter. I read up on Internet sources in the early 2000s for how to talk to women in a flirty/chatty way, and kept practicing (with my share of rejection) until it came natural, I just cracked jokes and didn't care about the outcome, but was still mindful of her concerns (i.e. holding the door for her), and let her call me more than vice-versa. Also I used plenty of email with witty comments that she found funny
2) What have you done to successfully maintain the relationship or prevent it from falling apart?
Well, to be honest, it's been challenging at times!! Mostly b/c of my short-term memory for multitasking, she asks me to do A,B,C, & D, and I 'll forget C or A or whatever - or I won't read between the lines as to the unstated expectations. That's caused her to get angry at me, but I calmly acknowledged her frustration and asked if she could not bombard me with too much at once, as I function best with one thing at a time. We seem to have reached a compromise on that. On keeping the relationship together, I am very attentive and affectionate with her, I'm usually the one who makes dinner, and still use the boyish cockiness & charm that I've worked on in the past. I will admit, somewhat ashamedly, that when I disclosed my disability to her back in 2007 after getting interrogated over my 'stubborness', she told me I don't really have autism. I blew up & lost my temper, nothing physically violent, but I did break a candlestick on the dresser amidst much yelling that she doesn't have a clue what autism spectrum is and stop pretending to be the expert. That caused her to break down in tears, saying that we shouldn't be together, and I got very upset and ashamed...apologised over and over again, bought her flowers, and so forth. We're still together...but I thought for sure I would have lost her from that meltdown. She made me a better person and vice-versa
and we admit we both have our flaws but we have by and large enjoyed our journey together Regardless of whether we stay together, I just want our daughter to grow up and have a good life. I am asking these questions because I want to initiate and successfully maintain a healthy relationship with a woman in the future. So please help me out fellow aspies.
27 Mar 2011, 7:20 am
starygrrl wrote:
Poke wrote:
I look at these results and think one thing: sub-clinical.
Sub-clinical means not needing or desiring medical intervention.
I kind of qualify as this at the moment, but I can tell you I have been at the clinical stage in some way or another throughout much of my life. Clinical stages do not last forever, they ultimately can go away as issues are resolved.
I will be honest, it has been my LTR which helped me heal some wounds I have, I have not had a meltdown in a YEAR. I used to melt down every couple of months. But I had therapy to help me identify and address the meltdowns.
Right now my issue is friendships. I have on occasion alienated friends with the meltdowns. I will live with that.
I've been in a relationship for 2 1/4 years. We have lived together a year now. I quoted this because I agree SO much. I have adapted really well to life lately, and am pretty comfortable in my skin as of right now, but there are still issues, just tolerable ones. As far as the meltdowns.... wow, this patience my boyfriend has with me has saved me in many ways... I kicked out his windshield during a meltdown maybe about 3 months after we started dating. He said to buy him a new windshield or he would be gone. Well, you know how some of us can be about letting go of somebody or something. So 200 dollars later, I realized "Wow, this guy really doesn't care about what kind of crazy s**t I do as long as I take responsibility for it. He loves me for me, and teaches me through holding me accountable." I had never really had anyone do that so patiently before. Glad to say two years later, now he can freak out at me the same ways sometimes, and scream at the top of his lungs, and I've learned for the most part to just separate myself until he calms down. LOL Funny how things work out, huh? Although, I will say, even though I don't meltdown so much these days, I still have my interesting aspergian days, so I don't want anybody to think he's a bad guy because he gets frustrated and yells, I would too sometimes if I had to deal with me. HAHA I'm happy and I'm lucky. And ya know what? He's a pretty lucky dude, too.
edit: By the way, the only thing I wish was different is sometimes I wish he wouldn't allow me to get away with stuff like he does. He will sometimes just stand by and watch while I do something when I actually wish he would speak up and say "Hey, you crazy b***h, what the heck do you think you're doing?" LOL The case of the windshield is a great example. He just leaned back in the seat and watched me as I kicked the crap out of that thing. Jerk
27 Mar 2011, 12:23 pm
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