How to survive being a loner in high school?



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user1001
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11 Mar 2011, 8:14 pm

I am male and 17 with ASD/AS and I am like the biggest loner in the school. I am nice to people but I am shy and I am also almost hated by everyone in the school or ignored for some reason and I don't know why that is. I am also bored most of the time so that I would make mental movies in my head and play them over and over. I also seem to be alone most of the time like when I am in a classroom I am just seated by my self and in one class I have a whole table to my self and I sometimes feel very lonely. I also am alone after school like when I am at home I just stay by my self and I don't talk to anyone from school. I also cant go anywhere where I live and there are no clubs in my school that I know of. I also would like to know if there is anyone in this simmaler position that I am in? I will add more details later on because I can't think of anything else so far.



SammichEater
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11 Mar 2011, 9:54 pm

I would say this is probably normal for us aspies. When I was in elementary school I had friends, because little kids tend to be accepting of differences, but after that everything went downhill. Everything is always about "you're gay" or some crap like that. I ended up not talking to anyone at all. But that only made it worse for me because I was famous at school for being "that kid who never talks" and everyone would get all up in my face interrogating me and asking stupid questions like "do you even talk to your parents?" Freshman year of high school wasn't any better. Year after that wasn't much of an improvement. But this years a whole lot better. Mostly because I'm taking harder classes with older students who are more accepting of me and my differences. I'm not really close friends with anybody at school, but that doesn't really bother me, as long as they treat me just like everyone else I'm happy. Occasionally I do run into the random as*hole in the morning, on the bus, or at lunch, and there's no avoiding that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is some people are assholes. But not everyone is. Look for the ones that aren't, and talk to them. It doesn't take but two minutes of talking to someone to find out if you should bother with them or not. If they judge you for being some weird guy with no friends, who cares. Move on to somebody else who is more sensible.



deadinhead
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13 Mar 2011, 11:11 am

Hi there.
I am 17 ..go to a very small secondary school.
people there are usually very judgemental.I try to improve my social skills but Its hard to like somebody when you know they have you in their mind as some kind of label e.g. ; freak, geek, e.t.c.
The internet is great for me to talk to others but In the long run I begin to feel more isolated.
I am going to college soon and I hoping that I will be able to make a friend there.Hopefully.I have heard that this college's students is just as bad for labeling people.usually they label people doing:
1.science subjects.
or
2.fine art.
I have applied for a fine art college course as It something that in my future career I would not have to deal with people in and also I have been interested in art from a young age.
In school I also sit alone.I do not want people to sit beside me as I find I cannot concentrate as good as when I am sitting alone.In one class I take, business studies, I sit on the other side of the classroom ... sometimes It gets lonely over there so I know how you feel.mainly I only do this because there is unassigned seats and everybody keeps switching seats but if im the only one on the left side of the room i never have to change seats.
A positive side of being alone is that it gives me more time to think about things, makes me more of a philosophical person than my peers , which I feel is a good way to be, and that I am better able to observe things which others are blind to.


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ocdgirl123
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13 Mar 2011, 5:12 pm

I'm in a similar position. There are clubs in my school, but none that I liked, plus, I have tried joining clubs and I didn't like them. The people who do pay attention to me are staff members. There are a few students who pay attention to me, but not very many. I only know if one student that hates me, and maybe a few staff members, but most of the students ignore me.

I used to have friends that were my age in elementary school and for the first two years of middle school, but now, I don't, all my friends are older now. I find the teens are in cliques and won't talk to anyway outside their clique, often. They formed these cliques in grade 8 and there was anyone I clicked with very well in my class in grade 8. I am not much of a clique person anyway.



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13 Mar 2011, 7:59 pm

I was like that in Middle School and in Grade 9. There was really only one person who hated me and a bunch of people who just didn't seem to like me or thought I was weird (which I was, admittedly). Now things are much better. I'm taking all advanced classes, so people are a bit more like me. Not Aspies by any means, but intense people who are focused on their school work. And they all have their own oddities so they're a bit more tolerant. There might be a guy who hates me, although we're usually very polite with each other. It's that tense sort of politeness. But I have a few good friends and a lot more self confidence now, so if he doesn't like me than he can just deal with it.



Lydia0Irisale
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12 Feb 2012, 2:04 am

I have a natural talent for attracting people back when i was young but it all fell when i went to Grade 9 in another country. I was with my bff and i thought everything would be fine. Because we were at another country, we had to live on campus. I didn't miss my family because i thought i had friends. Soon my bff got new friend whom hated me and i got isolated. The ex-bff didn't even care. The term has started and everyone was already in groups, and i was just kicked out. I thought i did something wrong that is why they hate me so i confronted my fears, my ex-bff. She completely ignored me. Even when i asked a yes or no question. Her friends and ones that used to be my friend were like: go away you are making this a sad mood. Turns out she had a different story of why we aren't friends anymore and she told everyone else that and now everyone treats me like an enemy. I am a complete loner, but i don't care anymore. I don't care if they talk about me behind me. i will just focus on my stuff. I will be self centered. If they don't want me why do i want them? I am going to focus on academics. On projects, i would say, can i do them by myself? If i have to have a partner, well, the teacher is going to give me one. If not, i would rather be alone because in the end, i am the one who ends up doing everything. "No one can hurt you without your permission" I have resolved everything with my ex-bffs, we went back to being acquaintance. I don't want anyone to enter my life so i keep a boundary. But still i need supporters sometimes so, i talk to my problems with an older person. Who says you can't be happy without friends? Falling asleep with music is happy. Getting a nice sleep is happy. I just need to keep myself busy and prevent myself from thinking those thoughts. But i am still nice to everyone. I want to be the cool loner. I keep myself neat and tidy. I smile at everyone i have eye contact with so i am the cool loner who doesn't give a s**t about everyone else.



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12 Feb 2012, 5:03 am

I was a pretty big loner when I was in school. I did talk to some people while I was at school but a lot em were making fun of me & not really my friends. I was bullied a lot in elementary & I had a very low opinion of people as a result. I had NO desire for friendships or socialization; I just wanted everyone to leave me the hell alone. I played Tetris & other games on my graphing calculator when I could in my classes, I listened to my headphones while I was waiting for my mom to pick me up after school, I zoned-out & daydreamed aLOT about TV shows I would watch & video-games I would play when I got home


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NicoleG
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12 Feb 2012, 12:52 pm

user1001 wrote:
I am also almost hated by everyone in the school or ignored for some reason and I don't know why that is.


That's because the other kids are jerks. It takes less effort to ignore someone than it does to hate them. If they were just incompetent, then they would simply ignore you. If they are actively hating and/or bullying, then they are active jerks.

user1001 wrote:
I am also bored most of the time so that I would make mental movies in my head and play them over and over. I also seem to be alone most of the time like when I am in a classroom I am just seated by my self and in one class I have a whole table to my self and I sometimes feel very lonely. I also am alone after school like when I am at home I just stay by my self and I don't talk to anyone from school. I also cant go anywhere where I live and there are no clubs in my school that I know of. I also would like to know if there is anyone in this simmaler position that I am in? I will add more details later on because I can't think of anything else so far.


Back in high school I always had a reading book and a writing notebook with me. I always imagined the entire other world and people and places that I was reading about - I would read books quite slowly and deeply, rather than quickly, if that makes any sense. After school I spent most of my time playing the piano, drawing designs, playing solitaire (I could sit on my bed in my room and play solitaire for a couple hours straight), and going bike riding (before I could drive). I also did bowling on the weekends. I was mostly alone all the time despite having people in my classes I called friends and that I could have probably opted to call and hang out with, but I think I would have been more bored just "hanging out" with them than doing other things without them. I found ways to entertain myself, and I never thought about what I might be missing out on, because I simply wasn't missing out on it. As long as I occupied my brain with other activities, I didn't think about nor care what other people were doing. I felt accomplished putting together a new puzzle or learning a new song or polishing off a new book, and all of this built up my self-esteem. I didn't need external validation.

That is not to say that the way my life worked out is the way that you should try and make your life work out, but what I am saying is that being alone doesn't always have to be such a negative thing if you can find other things to occupy your mind.



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12 Feb 2012, 4:53 pm

My advice, get to know EVERYONE in your class...even if they act rude to you at first.

I got to know everyone from my class and below and above me...you get to understand their characters and how to become like them (not exactly like them, I mean that they respect you).

I was in many Social Clubs, one of them was learning an Instrument....there was a guy who was a loveable rebel but first appeared to be a bully of some sort....I got to know him in these sessions and despite his exterior, he really does have a heart for others...and through him I know who he hung around with and they were cool people (they were also rebellious but were never horrible people) and via the Social Club after school I got to know a few others from below my class.

Really, you should look around for people who seem interesting and talk about their interests rather then your own...only after getting to know them you can mention yours.



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12 Feb 2012, 8:38 pm

How to survive:

1. Breathe regularly.

2. Take in sufficient calories.

3. Avoid lethal stuff.

4. High school doesn't last forever.


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13 Feb 2012, 7:08 am

i was damned glad when it was all over.



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13 Feb 2012, 7:12 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
4. High school doesn't last forever.


Exactly, you aren't going to be friends with most of the people you know from high school unless you live in a small close knit town where everybody frequents the same pubs. Most people will likely move on or go to universities, the best thing you can do is to focus on your studies and try to make the most of it whilst you can.



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