Taking things to personally/literally



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Jacs
Deinonychus
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Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:36 am

I have a very hard time with this and tend to get upset very easily.

For example tend to get very upset if someone talk it me in a cross manner (or in a manner I perceive to be cross). Half the time i get told I’ve simply ‘misunderstood their tone’ and the other half that they are probably just 'having a bad day'.

I guess it’s an example of my very black and white thinking but to me if someone talks to me in a cross voice then they are cross with me and I have a right to be upset if I've done nothing wrong!

That’s just one example but does anyone else have the same problem?


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Skepkat
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Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:55 pm

Yes. Though the severity for me tends to fluctuate. I think it's worse when my anxiety level is higher.

One thing that helps me is when I notice I'm more upset than I should be, if I stop for a moment to consider why I'm upset, I realize that I really don't care what soandso thinks of me or what they said. Once I make that connection, I can let it go.


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Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:00 pm

Yes and then I get over it after thinking about it.



bee33
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Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:02 pm

Try not to jump to conclusions. You could make "he/she must be having a bad day" your default assumption.



Jacs
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Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:06 pm

bee33 wrote:
Try not to jump to conclusions. You could make "he/she must be having a bad day" your default assumption.


Yeah I do try but find it very hard to judge if its something I've done wrong or just then having a bad day. hate the thought of upseting people, which in turn upsets me and so on!

People can be vey confusing sometimes :?


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bee33
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Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:11 pm

Jacs wrote:
bee33 wrote:
Try not to jump to conclusions. You could make "he/she must be having a bad day" your default assumption.


Yeah I do try but find it very hard to judge if its something I've done wrong or just then having a bad day. hate the thought of upseting people, which in turn upsets me and so on!

People can be vey confusing sometimes :?

Can you try to develop a thicker skin? People are usually upset for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Even if you did something to annoy them, the rational person would not respond by becoming angry. If they do become angry it's because of something having to do with them, like a bad day, or some people are just easy to anger.



Jacs
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Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:20 pm

bee33 wrote:
Jacs wrote:
bee33 wrote:
Try not to jump to conclusions. You could make "he/she must be having a bad day" your default assumption.


Yeah I do try but find it very hard to judge if its something I've done wrong or just then having a bad day. hate the thought of upseting people, which in turn upsets me and so on!

People can be vey confusing sometimes :?

Can you try to develop a thicker skin? People are usually upset for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Even if you did something to annoy them, the rational person would not respond by becoming angry. If they do become angry it's because of something having to do with them, like a bad day, or some people are just easy to anger.


I have tried but I'm a very sencetive person and hardly any social life. So when I do interactive with people may be I take there commnets, angery etc more lierally than I should.

My patrents are allways telling me that most of life is grey but I seem tp to only able to think in black and white.


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bee33
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Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:30 pm

Jacs wrote:
I have tried but I'm a very sencetive person and hardly any social life. So when I do interactive with people may be I take there commnets, angery etc more lierally than I should.

My patrents are allways telling me that most of life is grey but I seem tp to only able to think in black and white.

I tend to think in black and white too, but my black and white thinking on this is that if someone is angry at me, it's their problem, not mine. Not that I don't get upset when someone seems to be angry at me, I certainly do, but I try not to personalize other people's neuroses,that is I try not to make them about me.



zeldapsychology
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Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:35 pm

ME! I am very sensitive as well. I have this issue more so with my dad's harsh tone than my mom/sister's tone. The smallest thing from him sets me off on bad days (Where I'm very emotional usually this is for when I got little sleep). This weekend has been good though I've made mistakes and upset people and OMG! not cared! A rarity for me!



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Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:37 pm

One of my hugest problems. If someone talks to me in even a slightly firm tone then I think they're going to bite my head off.



analyser23
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Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:46 pm

I am like this also. And in the heat of the moment, although my brain tries to tell me rational things, I find my emotions just take over me and wash out all rational thought. I think I have a larger than average amygdala, and my brain struggles to "turn off" emotions, and is particularly sensitive to any slight hint at a threat (i.e. someone talking in a cross voice). It's like the emotion floods my entire body and bounces around and around inside and I struggle to find a way to disperse it. It's not until hours later that I can see reason again.


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Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:42 pm

I also have a tendency to feel upset about cross voice or overly critical words. I guess I always felt upset about these. When someone tells me something that implies I did something wrong, and he/she does it by giving the appropiate length to his/her speach, trying to remove or attenuate the edges from it, and/or gives a reasonable explanation, I have no complaints, no extra emotions. Humor or passivity can help me out. When I know a person well, and this person has good intentions, I can accept harder words. Otherwise people dashing off words the above manner are definitely on the way to hurt my feelings. Sometimes I fight back and make excuse later, sometimes I "swallow". When I'm lucky I soon forget about it but not always. There remains a thorn for a while that I have to cope with, depending on the person.


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Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:20 pm

Jacs wrote:

I guess it’s an example of my very black and white thinking but to me if someone talks to me in a cross voice then they are cross with me and I have a right to be upset if I've done nothing wrong!



Perhaps it only -seems- cross. Could you not be mistaken?

ruveyn



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