Success Stories

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I used to think that AS meant no sex....ever. I got really depressed about it. Are any men here married? How did you get into the relationship? How did it develop? Please give us lonely hearts some hope.

I used to be married, I even have two beautiful children.

But trust me, you don't want to follow my particular example...

I have been in two marriages. The first one only lasted a few years and was a complete disaster. The second one is still going strong after ten years. I often say I learned from my mistakes in the first marriage.

I meet my wife from my second marriage on the internet using IM. I felt comfortable talking with people on the internet and getting to know them. I had several woman that I meet on the internet that I thought would blossom into actual relationships. But when it came to the face to face meeting, it would go horribly bad.

With my wife, I just told a good joke and she liked it. We continue to talk on the internet, but neither of us thought it would develop into anything. For one thing she lived in Australia and I was in the USA. So no real chance for a face to face meeting let alone a relationship.

One day she said she was going to the USA for a vacation. Even then I did not think about a face to face meeting. We where just two people that enjoyed talking over the internet and nothing more.

I did give her my phone number so she could call me if she had problems while in the USA. She had plenty of problems while in the USA and called me a few times to help her out. She was flying back home through Los Angles and I mention to her that we should meet face to face since it would be simple for us to meet when she landed in Los Angles.

Even then I still had no expectations of a romance let alone a relationship. Just wanted to see her face to face. Ended up with love at first sight with the both of us. The week she spent with me seem like heaven. I was very sorry to see her go and that I may never see her again.

We still talked over the internet, exchanged emails and letters until I decided to go over to Australia to see her again. I stayed over there for three months and we talked about marriage and having a real relationship. With my circumstances and having a job that I could transfer to Australia, I decided to move there and live with her. From there we got married and have been together for ten years.

The first few years of the marriage where very hard. She thought I was cold, only seem to care about my hobbies and not her. I on the other hand found her need to socialize and disrupting my routine would get on my nerves. But we finally started to understand each other and work through our differences. Today I would consider her the best person in the world because she understands me, accepts me and I do the same for her.

So there is hope for a relationship. Just have to say that it is not easy. In fact it is downright difficult. But the payoff in the end is being with someone that you love very much even if you have to make a few mistakes and put up with some failures along the way

Yep married here, you can see my wife and I in my avatar pic. Our story is long though.

I was always extremely shy like most aspie guys, but even before I met the woman who was going to be my wife I knew it. That knowledge helped a lot, it took all my nerves away. Also she became my obsession. I was in college so it didn't help my grades but she certainly felt loved, which is a big problem with NT/AS relationships. Our relationship hasn't been all roses (her mother has BPD and really doesn't like me), but we are happily married with two young children.

The most important part is the beginning of the relationship, everything could be make or break. It started by me reading some poetry she posted online, for some reason it moved me and I knew she was the one. I felt compelled to write something poetic in response (something completely out of character for me). Apparently she was equally moved by it, that was how we broke the ice. Mostly developed with us talking. Lots and lots of talking. Since she had a BPD mother she was very sheltered. Because of our situations it was a full year before we could start trying to entertain a relationship in person. By that time we had worked out most of our differences by talking online, which was a big help. We were able to just focus on each other at that point. Although her mother continued to be a big problem, and continues to be to this day. Although I didn't know I was an aspie till we we're already married.
I here a lot of people on here (especially women) complain about their sex lives. For us it's been great, my wife, at least until our daughter was born had an extremely high sex drive (once or twice a day). My wife thinks our first time (we were both virgins) was also the best time, which seems like a rarity around here. With children things have slowed down, but we're both still in our 20ies and things are still good.

The big thing is that you never stop working on your relationship, it's like a construction project never done.

So that's one happy story for yah!

Hi mikeseagle,

When did you realize that you have AS? Before, during or after your first marriage or being and during your second one? If it's the latter, could it be that the success the second time around is due to your and your wife's knowledge of AS (even if you're undiagnosed) and both partners willing to make the relationship work?

I guess the same applies for JusSumBudi, has knowing of your AS helped the marriage since learning of it? I can imagine there would have been bigger barriers in the marriage to overcome without knowing.

I am happy about these success stories. It reinforces my belief that AS-NT partnerships will work if both sides are willing to put 50/50 in it or (edited to add) if not equal, then at least both partners' mutual involvement.

It would be great to hear of successful AS/AS partnerships, too.

My success story was part luck and part good karma, and a lot of courage. And then it all collapsed last week, but I will say I gave it my best, and she's a sweetheart, so I wish her luck.

But I have noticed a quadratic pattern to my relationships. I've had them get longer in duration and I've spent less time single in the past two years.