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catbalou
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05 Apr 2011, 3:57 pm

When my daughter, now 13, was little she loved to hug and often hugged so hard she had to be prized off like a clam. She hugged so long I nearly suffocated, those were the days, I miss them now, as now she seems to have developed an exaggerated aversion to being touched. Forget hugging, that hasn't happen in a lonnnggg time, she literally flinches if she nearly makes contact with me, and screams "don't touch me! ".
Just wondering though, will that pass, I'm treating it like a phase, hoping it'll lessen or preferably go away completely, like her finger blowing did, and random twenty times a day announcing "Billy's a dog" . Anyone had that with their kids?



League_Girl
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05 Apr 2011, 4:12 pm

I had that happen with me so it got worked on through occupational therapy.



Caitlin
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05 Apr 2011, 4:55 pm

I would also suggest occupational therapy. Sounds like she may have tactile defensiveness, very common in kids with AS.


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Washi
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05 Apr 2011, 6:29 pm

I'm 33 and I still stiffen up like a board when I'm expected to hug certain people. Sometimes smells on them like perfumes, cigarettes, alcohol or mannerisms send off red flags in my mind that that person is someone I don't want to hug based off negative past experiences regarding that person or someone else who smelled or looked in someway similar.



aspie48
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05 Apr 2011, 8:06 pm

idk might be something to do with her growing up cuz if shes 13 shes getting into teenage years.



liloleme
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06 Apr 2011, 2:44 am

I was also very clingy as a child to the point where I was hanging on my Mom all the time. We have since figured out that I have/had serious vestibular problems. I still have ballance issues and its ok when I initiate touch but its not ok for people to touch me when its not my idea. I dont mind my kids but sometimes that bugs me too, I just have to allow it. Thankfully my Autie daughter is not a snuggly type and also does not like unexpected touching. My son wants to touch everyone but also does not like people to touch him unexpectedly. My kids are sort of a part of me so it doesnt bother me all that much than if he was someone elses child. However my older NT daughter tells me that I was not affectionate enough which is painful to me because I know that the first few years of her life I basically carried her every where. The problem, I guess, was that she needed more affection when she got older and I didnt know this because of my Asperger's.
I dont know that there is anything that can be done to make her a snuggle bug at this point. Also she may be more sensitive right now due to her age. Maybe just try to respect her boundries and try talking to her about it and taking things one step at a time. Like ask her if its ok to shake her hand or touch her shoulder, small things like that but always warn her before hand. She may also need deep pressure which is why she does not like light touches but liked to be squeezed when she was younger. You might try big pillows for her to squeeze and some kids like rolling pins with a towel taped or tied around them. I dont know if you are familiar with Temple Grandin and her squeeze machine but you may want to look into her tactile problems....she did not want to be touched but still craved squeezes to calm her. I would also say that an OT can be very helpful figuring out what she needs or to help her to be able to tollarate touching. Its hard being out and about in the world without someone brushing up against you and sometimes it still makes me crazy to have strangers touch me. Especially when they put their hand on my shoulder when they are talking to me or touch my arm. When I was younger I would pull away but my Mother told me it was rude so I learned to handle it. When I was a kid there were no diagnosis for Asperger's so I just got in trouble.....this did not help my anxiety or my sensory issues, it only made me look somewhat more "normal" to other people which I suppose at the time was my Mothers goal. We are fortunate now that we can have the understanding and help our kids out without harming them on the inside.

Also forgot to mention that I also like deep pressure and which is why my kids didnt bother me as much when they were little because they would sit and lay on me. I also like to have lots of pillows and sleep with stuffed animals. My husband understands my needs and he knows how to "hug" and give me affection in a way that I enjoy.



Washi
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06 Apr 2011, 12:20 pm

I relate to a lot of what liloleme said. Someone who just walks up to me and gives me a big bear hug might actually make me happy and that's also how my autistic toddler likes to be hugged, if its overly long or fishy-like or if there's an awkward moment before the hug that can make it unpleasant. There was no such thing as Aspergers when I was growing up either, I went through a phase for about a year in my preteens where if I wanted a squeeze I'd lay on a blanket in my room and roll myself up tight in it. It wasn't until I saw the Temple Grandin movie that I realized why I did that. I also still sleep with stuffed animals.



catbalou
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06 Apr 2011, 1:04 pm

Thanks for all those replies. They were very interesting to me. Yes I do respect it, I don't force her to hug or anything at all, really. It's a funny thing about hugging and touching, I mean it's really become the culture to hug people, especially women hugging each other upon meeting, or often on leaving, in a way that never existed that I remember when I was growing up. And I'm not very comfortable with it to be honest, and I know people consider me a not very touchy feely person.
But I will literally brace myself when at some sort of gathering and people are leaving and the hugging starts, I just think, cant we just say goodbye and leave it at that? I dont FEEL like hugging, especially women, all those boobs get in the way. So thats me, I kind of feel, well I know it's become the expected norm, but I don't remember agreeing to it! And now we all have to do it!
But thats slightly off the original point, I know. ( I would certainly have no problem hugging my daughter, it's only friends and aquaintances I was talking about)
So anyway, the fact that she verbalises it is good, and is prepared to talk about it , albeit briefly. I will try your idea, liloleme, of small steps. And I like your description of a fishy-like hug, Washi. Can't imagine what it means, but I love it.



Chronos
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08 Apr 2011, 2:21 am

catbalou wrote:
When my daughter, now 13, was little she loved to hug and often hugged so hard she had to be prized off like a clam. She hugged so long I nearly suffocated, those were the days, I miss them now, as now she seems to have developed an exaggerated aversion to being touched. Forget hugging, that hasn't happen in a lonnnggg time, she literally flinches if she nearly makes contact with me, and screams "don't touch me! ".
Just wondering though, will that pass, I'm treating it like a phase, hoping it'll lessen or preferably go away completely, like her finger blowing did, and random twenty times a day announcing "Billy's a dog" . Anyone had that with their kids?


Well I hate being touched too. But I've always hated being touched.
Has she been evaluated for OCD or Tourette's?