No personality on top of AS?

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Starlight-Supernova
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16 Apr 2011, 5:46 am

I thought I'd make a thread where a person may seem uninteresting and has AS on top of that.

I kind of have no charisma and seem to be mostly negative these days, thus ruining my social life as a whole...but I have come to notice that I seem to have no distinctive personality either over the years...in school I think I had one since I made friends from there easily and everyone knew who I was (either being the "smart" kid or someone they could talk to), but I guess that changed when I went to college. I can still talk to people but it has gotten really hard over the years to talk as if I have no fear of talking to both female and male company.

So my question to those in a similar situation...how do you overcome this to form not only friendships, but relationships as well?


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simon_says
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16 Apr 2011, 5:57 am

I don't know. This seems true for me at times. I used to be very analytical and spock-like. I was once referred to as an "uncarved block" by a friend when I was in my early 20s. I later developed a more sociable and funny persona that I can still draw on when I need it. But it takes energy to make it work.

I know that I took a portion of my charisma from copying a family member and probably picked up elements from movies or tv. I would say that I was delayed in constructing it, as with many things.



Starlight-Supernova
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16 Apr 2011, 6:04 am

simon_says wrote:
I don't know. This seems true for me at times. I used to be very analytical and spock-like. I was once referred to as an "uncarved block" by a friend when I was in my early 20s. I later developed a more sociable and funny persona that I can still draw on when I need it. But it takes energy to make it work.

I know that I took a portion of my charisma from copying a family member and probably picked up elements from movies or tv. I would say that I was delayed in constructing it, as with many things.


Makes sense I guess...although if I copied a family member I know for certain they wouldn't like it...and yet they can be hypocritical by saying "Your "shiny" personality comes out" when they are angry with me over something...it pisses me off sometimes...especially when they are confident and I am not.

I used to have one I am guessing as I did have friends in school...but they don't seem to want to bother hanging out with me no more because they realised (or at least to me), that people without conditions seem to be more interesting (why they don't hang around with even their closest friends with conditions either)....it's really sad as they themselves used to have problems which wasn't always known by everybody.


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simon_says
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16 Apr 2011, 6:10 am

I didnt copy him exactly, just borrowed a few elements. Then as I aged my subconscious went in different ways with it.

I guess the idea is to identify personas that you admire and then use them as a reference when you feel socially "on". Eventually your own style will emerge.



Starlight-Supernova
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16 Apr 2011, 6:23 am

simon_says wrote:
I didnt copy him exactly, just borrowed a few elements. Then as I aged my subconscious went in different ways with it.

I guess the idea is to identify personas that you admire and then use them as a reference when you feel socially "on". Eventually your own style will emerge.


Yeah, I see what you mean.

Playing video games means I could adapt a few together but that'd be pretty unoriginal...there is a user I talk to who does one guy particularly well and we like mocking each other in similar fashion...maybe I should....


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"...No matter how people see me as, pariah or paragon, I am but myself." and "I walk the path I walk because it is mine to walk." - Frimelda Lotice (Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2)


Aimless
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16 Apr 2011, 7:40 am

I have a personality but it's low key so you have to take the effort to get to know me before you see it. I am what I am and I don't want to be what I'm not just to get some attention. Still, sometimes I'd like a little attention. :?



Starlight-Supernova
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16 Apr 2011, 7:42 am

Aimless wrote:
I have a personality but it's low key so you have to take the effort to get to know me before you see it. I am what I am and I don't want to be what I'm not just to get some attention. Still, sometimes I'd like a little attention. :?


That's exactly how I feel at the moment. XD

I can play a Steel Pan and go there every week but I get almost zero attention...I'd like to get some so I can talk to them but it's hard. :(


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"...No matter how people see me as, pariah or paragon, I am but myself." and "I walk the path I walk because it is mine to walk." - Frimelda Lotice (Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2)


CrinklyCrustacean
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16 Apr 2011, 8:22 am

Starlight-Supernova wrote:
I have come to notice that I seem to have no distinctive personality either over the years.

Do you mean that you don't have a personality which grabs lots of attention? I find the concept of 'no distinct personality' rather strange, because I can't really think of an 'average' personality, if that makes sense.



hale_bopp
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16 Apr 2011, 8:24 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Starlight-Supernova wrote:
I have come to notice that I seem to have no distinctive personality either over the years.

Do you mean that you don't have a personality which grabs lots of attention? I find the concept of 'no distinct personality' rather strange, because I can't really think of an 'average' personality, if that makes sense.


Some people actually have no personality.
But its commonly used to describe someone with a personality so boring they may as well have none :P



techstepgenr8tion
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16 Apr 2011, 8:45 am

On the bright side - it seems like *lots* of NTs have this problem as well.

My suggestion; find things you can be passionate about. If you aren't sure what they are sync with your emotions more, ie. your likes and dislikes, figure out what you want to chase after. Sometimes its a bit of an excavation process, like you have this great ancient Pompei like city buried under the volcanic ash of life and through a good amount of archaeological excavation you can reveal it in all of its splendor.

That said not everyone is hi-drive either. Figure out how much of this is you wanting to bring yourself closer to who you really are vs. just wanting more currency for influencing your life, neither of those is wrong but addressing that as well might help you sort out what direction to go in.


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Starlight-Supernova
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16 Apr 2011, 9:01 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Do you mean that you don't have a personality which grabs lots of attention? I find the concept of 'no distinct personality' rather strange, because I can't really think of an 'average' personality, if that makes sense.


Yeah, that makes sense...well...I mean the former I guess...I know I can be really boring if you met me in real life and I only ever really come alive with eccentric friends...since people without any conditions seem to not talk to me like I was an actual person but like a robot with the typical "How are you?" response. (the worst is when I actually say Yes or whatever and they move away!?!)

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
On the bright side - it seems like *lots* of NTs have this problem as well.

My suggestion; find things you can be passionate about. If you aren't sure what they are sync with your emotions more, ie. your likes and dislikes, figure out what you want to chase after. Sometimes its a bit of an excavation process, like you have this great ancient Pompei like city buried under the volcanic ash of life and through a good amount of archaeological excavation you can reveal it in all of its splendor.

That said not everyone is hi-drive either. Figure out how much of this is you wanting to bring yourself closer to who you really are vs. just wanting more currency for influencing your life, neither of those is wrong but addressing that as well might help you sort out what direction to go in.


Thanks for the advice...I have been very passionate in the past and it doesn't exactly bode well on people...my eccentricness actually puts off people so I've grown accustomed to not being as responsive to answers and people's tension....one of my band friend's hated the fact that I didn't respond to him getting angry about how I looked (I always thought I have a neutral face but it looks as if I'm upset or frowning when that's just the curvature of my lips). I tend to try and not argue with people and sit on the fence whether I can because conflicts in the past have really effected me in life such as peer pressure and living in fear of one person (who seemed to have potential to kill anyone...and I was right to an extent).

I guess I should start rebuilding what I lost due to circumstances but it can be hard...especially when NTs are generally not helping you establish who you really are...for which I can be very talkative, friendly and even have humour where I am oblivious to my own comedy. 8)


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The_Face_of_Boo
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16 Apr 2011, 10:00 am

My personality is too regular, I guess.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 17 Apr 2011, 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Jonsi
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16 Apr 2011, 11:43 am

My personality at school is completely boring. Outside school, however, I'm a quietly loud guy who loves talking. I grab tons of attention without having to say more than a couple words, I find.



techstepgenr8tion
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16 Apr 2011, 1:10 pm

Starlight-Supernova wrote:
Thanks for the advice...I have been very passionate in the past and it doesn't exactly bode well on people...my eccentricness actually puts off people so I've grown accustomed to not being as responsive to answers and people's tension....one of my band friend's hated the fact that I didn't respond to him getting angry about how I looked (I always thought I have a neutral face but it looks as if I'm upset or frowning when that's just the curvature of my lips). I tend to try and not argue with people and sit on the fence whether I can because conflicts in the past have really effected me in life such as peer pressure and living in fear of one person (who seemed to have potential to kill anyone...and I was right to an extent).


Let me rephrase that - be passionate about things that make you feel like you have more going for yourself. Don't talk to people about it unless asked, even then keep it minimal. Just have things that define you in a good way. Knowing that, feeling that, it will show in your walk as it will show in all the little ways you do everything. Humans are animals and as animals they can smell strength, weakness, confidence or lack thereof from a mile away.


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“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word "love" here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace - not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.” - James Baldwin


Starlight-Supernova
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16 Apr 2011, 2:19 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Let me rephrase that - be passionate about things that make you feel like you have more going for yourself. Don't talk to people about it unless asked, even then keep it minimal. Just have things that define you in a good way. Knowing that, feeling that, it will show in your walk as it will show in all the little ways you do everything. Humans are animals and as animals they can smell strength, weakness, confidence or lack thereof from a mile away.


Oh alright. I sometimes get asked about Band so I talk about that a little bit but that's just a small tidbit about me really...not exactly as exciting as I would hope it wuld be though.

But yeah, that's true about animal instincts thing. Thanks again for the advice.

I'm sorry to hear you other guys have similar traits...it really sucks, doesn't it? :\


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"...No matter how people see me as, pariah or paragon, I am but myself." and "I walk the path I walk because it is mine to walk." - Frimelda Lotice (Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2)


MountZion
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16 Apr 2011, 2:25 pm

It took me a while to develop my personality. I had a moral code passed down by my mother to guide me, and as I grew older, I had fashioned something of an identity of myself through my experiences. I still don't quite know who my true self is, but as I live life and look within myself additionally, I am sure it will come. I believe this is the case for everyone, they just need to find themselves, through various means.