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davidalan11235813
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05 Aug 2011, 9:36 pm

auntblabby wrote:
davidalan11235813 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
davidalan11235813 wrote:
I think I'm a bit of a late bloomer, but I may have bloomed excessively to be honest. I didn't have sex until I was 19, and when I turned 21, I had only had sex with two people (both female). I am still 21 (22 in two months), and I have had sex with 27 people total, of which, 14 were male, and `13 female. I've found that alcohol helps quite a bit :D


welcome to this thing of ours 8)
care to let us know the secrets of your success? enquiring minds want to know.


Well, with men there's no secret really. Be available, and men will want to have sex with you, provided you are remotely attractive to them. A more succinct way of saying this is, if you are a slut, men will always be willing to have sex with you. With women, it is slightly more difficult, hence my higher success with men than women. Women have to be pursued, whereas men will come after you. I'm not even really sure I like women as much as men, but I enjoy the challenge that women present, so I continue pursuing them. The trick with this is confidence. I am not a confident person, but I have learned to fake it quite well. Also, I am a far better dancer than I am a talker, so the sooner I can get a girl onto the dance floor, the better. The biggest tip, in both situations, is to let yourself go. I don't like being touched, but any time I know I'm going to potentially be in intimate contact with someone, I remind myself that, yes, I will get touched, but this is in fact, a good thing.
Granted, if you're looking for a serious partner, I'm not a good person to ask. Having sex with the first moderately attractive guy to buy you a drink is,sadly, not a good path to a lasting relationship. In my much more limited experience in that regard, those tend to happen on accident.


i've always been "available" but to no avail. i've always been TOFU, i gather. so you must be quite the attractive babe, then- lucky you. [ok, i'm somewhat envious of you.] you probably have good social intelligence and functioning, that your autism spectrum disorder [whatever you have] does not impair to any degree. i'm guessing you have no professional/financial difficulties, as those who are socially successful usually have abundant professional/financial success also. so can you tell me what other [non-social, non professional/financial] area of your life do you feel autism spectrum disorder/s seriously hampers your functioning? thank you for your answers.


I don't really consider the amount of people I've slept with in such a short period of time a sign of healthy functioning, more that I'm just compulsive. I feel that I've adapted somewhat well because I'm a good mimic, but as soon as I get stressed enough, I just sort of shut down and go almost catatonic (can't bring myself to say more than a few words, can't bring myself to make eye contact, can hardly bring myself to move), and this happens far more frequently than I'd like. And even when I'm not shut down, I still find myself having to think really hard what anything anyone says means, other than what is obvious at face value, and I have to think of what response is appropriate to what is said (I have to tell myself that I should smile, laugh, etc.).



auntblabby
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06 Aug 2011, 1:06 am

davidalan11235813 wrote:
I don't really consider the amount of people I've slept with in such a short period of time a sign of healthy functioning, more that I'm just compulsive. I feel that I've adapted somewhat well because I'm a good mimic, but as soon as I get stressed enough, I just sort of shut down and go almost catatonic (can't bring myself to say more than a few words, can't bring myself to make eye contact, can hardly bring myself to move), and this happens far more frequently than I'd like. And even when I'm not shut down, I still find myself having to think really hard what anything anyone says means, other than what is obvious at face value, and I have to think of what response is appropriate to what is said (I have to tell myself that I should smile, laugh, etc.).


well, it seems to me that you do alright for yourself [IOW handle life stresses much better than you give yourself credit for]. having lots of pleasurable sex like you have, is what a lot of other guys would love to have but find it all off-limits for various reasons. you must at least be a good actor/are able to fake proper social functioning very well, at least compared with me. please tell me, [in terms of getting people to want to have sex with you] what do you think helps you more- the ability to fake proper social functioning, or just being an attractive babe?



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06 Aug 2011, 3:38 pm

Quite glad to see I'm not the only one who's had this 'problem'! When I was 17, I absolutely despised the idea of sex, it scared me, although I still don't know why. After coming out of a 2,5 year emotionally abusive relationship (during which I had sex but wasn't that keen on it), I started being strategically promiscuous. Being smacked verbally by my ex had shrunk my ego to nothing and getting people high up on the social ladder to sleep with me was an incredible high. It became a well-hidden habit until I developed some serious feelings for my now-boyfriend. We're together now and have an active and very satisfying sex life and I like being monogamous for a change. If we were to break up, however, I could see myself slipping back into my old habits...



davidalan11235813
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06 Aug 2011, 8:33 pm

auntblabby wrote:
davidalan11235813 wrote:
I don't really consider the amount of people I've slept with in such a short period of time a sign of healthy functioning, more that I'm just compulsive. I feel that I've adapted somewhat well because I'm a good mimic, but as soon as I get stressed enough, I just sort of shut down and go almost catatonic (can't bring myself to say more than a few words, can't bring myself to make eye contact, can hardly bring myself to move), and this happens far more frequently than I'd like. And even when I'm not shut down, I still find myself having to think really hard what anything anyone says means, other than what is obvious at face value, and I have to think of what response is appropriate to what is said (I have to tell myself that I should smile, laugh, etc.).


well, it seems to me that you do alright for yourself [IOW handle life stresses much better than you give yourself credit for]. having lots of pleasurable sex like you have, is what a lot of other guys would love to have but find it all off-limits for various reasons. you must at least be a good actor/are able to fake proper social functioning very well, at least compared with me. please tell me, [in terms of getting people to want to have sex with you] what do you think helps you more- the ability to fake proper social functioning, or just being an attractive babe?


I don't consider myself extremely attractive, but at the same time, I don't suppose I'm terribly unattractive. I suppose the secret to my "success" (I still don't see it as success, but to answer your questions, I have to momentarily adopt your assumptions) is that I've learned to sort of brace myself. If an acquaintance asks me to go with him or her to some bar, club, dance hall, etc., my immediate instinct is to say no. If I stay home, I won't have to deal with the loud noises, lights, smells, and throngs of people, and I'll be considerably less stressed, but the possibility of finding someone remotely attracted to me and willing to have sex with me, and the fact that that will momentarily make me feel better about myself outweighs the urge to stay home. However, I still feel the need to challenge your assumption that my sex life is indicative of healthy social functioning. I can get drunk and get laid VERY successfully, but I don't have any real friends. I can't even give you the names of most of my sexual partners. For me, I feel like a drunken tryst is the closest I can get to being close to someone.



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07 Aug 2011, 12:42 am

davidalan11235813 wrote:
I don't consider myself extremely attractive, but at the same time, I don't suppose I'm terribly unattractive. I suppose the secret to my "success" (I still don't see it as success, but to answer your questions, I have to momentarily adopt your assumptions)


it is certainly success, because a major portion of us on WP are INCEL. you effortlessly and fluently succeed at having acquaintences [sexy and otherwise], connections with other people and in having sex with them, which is something i've no clue as to how to do. the most maddening thing is that you take it for granted, as though it were indeed effortless and unexceptional a thing to do. you don't understand how perplexed and envious that makes the rest of us inexperienced INCELs, who just can't understand why some people have all the luck in this regard.

davidalan11235813 wrote:
is that I've learned to sort of brace myself. If an acquaintance asks me to go with him or her to some bar, club, dance hall, etc., my immediate instinct is to say no. If I stay home, I won't have to deal with the loud noises, lights, smells, and throngs of people, and I'll be considerably less stressed, but the possibility of finding someone remotely attracted to me and willing to have sex with me, and the fact that that will momentarily make me feel better about myself outweighs the urge to stay home. However, I still feel the need to challenge your assumption that my sex life is indicative of healthy social functioning. I can get drunk and get laid VERY successfully, but I don't have any real friends. I can't even give you the names of most of my sexual partners. For me, I feel like a drunken tryst is the closest I can get to being close to someone.


"healthy" or not, it is still undeniably a higher level of social functioning than those who lack your ability to connect with people sexually. you take such for granted but at this point, this beggar would not be so choosy as to turn down a "drunken tryst" over nothing at all except solitude. you have much to be thankful for, for you have not had to suffer as an INCEL. try to imagine what your life would be like if nobody wanted to have sex with you or even talk to you or give you the time of day even. try to imagine the angst and frustration of being forced to live with rejection all through your young and vital years, and the wasted futile feeling in middle/old age of being merely "unpicked fruit rotting on the vine." you HAVE an important social facility, it has not yet given you the love of your life [give it more time, you are still young] but it gives you enjoyable sex at least [which is the royal road to finding love], and that is nothing to sneeze at. you actually are being given intimate human connection on a silver platter, which will lead to love.

i am beginning to believe this is a futile query on my part, in that the lucky-in-lust ones just don't understand the unlucky ones, and vice-versa, rather like red state/blue state - the two camps might as well be speaking in different languages. thank you anyway for your input.



Andoryuu
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07 Aug 2011, 2:17 am

I would be a slut if a single gay guy lived around me.

It's gotten to the point where I think I need to creep on the straight ones that I do see...



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07 Aug 2011, 3:00 pm

Andoryuu wrote:
I would be a slut if a single gay guy lived around me.


but the single gay guy has to want you back just as much, or all the lust on your part is just an exercise in frustration. i can't count the number of times i've seen obviously gay guys who did nothing to disguise their sneering contempt for me.

Andoryuu wrote:
It's gotten to the point where I think I need to creep on the straight ones that I do see...


:scratch: how do you mean?



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07 Aug 2011, 3:24 pm

davidalan11235813 wrote:
I don't consider myself extremely attractive, but at the same time, I don't suppose I'm terribly unattractive. I suppose the secret to my "success" (I still don't see it as success, but to answer your questions, I have to momentarily adopt your assumptions) is that I've learned to sort of brace myself.


I can sort of understand that. I've adapted as such myself. It came as a big shock to me when someone in the LGBT group at University told me I was exactly the sort of young, slim guy that men went for - I had no clue how to attract anyone. But I did build myself up to things. The best explanation I think I've seen is that you need to have different "modes" - for instance, when out socialising you switch to a "social mode" in which you do small talk and focus on interaction. It's sort of like having two different jobs - you change how you think to suit the job. Socialising becomes similar.

So I learned to tolerate clubs and bars. I took a while to learn when someone was interested, but once I did I became something of a slut. I too would struggle to remember the names of all my partners. It gets particularly difficult (and chronologically awkward) after the first dozen. I'm now happily settled in a monogamous relationship and, while part of me misses the excitement of sleeping around a little, the majority of me remembers how bloody difficult it was finding a relationship. I'm happier on balance with monogamy!

Interesting to note that this "brace yourself" approach works on other things. It's how I went from being a fussy eater to eating almost anything. It's how I started my own small business to earn a little extra cash outside of my main job. It's how I moved out of my home town and in with my current partner (two very separate moves). The fear is the biggest part of it. Sure, it'll be uncomfortable and maybe even painful for a bit, but nowhere near as much as you might think when you're ready for it.



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07 Aug 2011, 5:54 pm

auntblabby wrote:
:scratch: how do you mean?


All the female sluts flirt the hell out of all the boys, so I do it too. It's not fair that I don't get any.



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07 Aug 2011, 6:44 pm

Andoryuu wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
:scratch: how do you mean?


All the female sluts flirt the hell out of all the boys, so I do it too. It's not fair that I don't get any.


you are fortunate to be young and attractive. flirting only works when one is a babe. i am sure you will be more successful than me.



davidalan11235813
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11 Aug 2011, 10:51 pm

auntblabby wrote:
davidalan11235813 wrote:
I don't consider myself extremely attractive, but at the same time, I don't suppose I'm terribly unattractive. I suppose the secret to my "success" (I still don't see it as success, but to answer your questions, I have to momentarily adopt your assumptions)


it is certainly success, because a major portion of us on WP are INCEL. you effortlessly and fluently succeed at having acquaintences [sexy and otherwise], connections with other people and in having sex with them, which is something i've no clue as to how to do. the most maddening thing is that you take it for granted, as though it were indeed effortless and unexceptional a thing to do. you don't understand how perplexed and envious that makes the rest of us inexperienced INCELs, who just can't understand why some people have all the luck in this regard.

davidalan11235813 wrote:
is that I've learned to sort of brace myself. If an acquaintance asks me to go with him or her to some bar, club, dance hall, etc., my immediate instinct is to say no. If I stay home, I won't have to deal with the loud noises, lights, smells, and throngs of people, and I'll be considerably less stressed, but the possibility of finding someone remotely attracted to me and willing to have sex with me, and the fact that that will momentarily make me feel better about myself outweighs the urge to stay home. However, I still feel the need to challenge your assumption that my sex life is indicative of healthy social functioning. I can get drunk and get laid VERY successfully, but I don't have any real friends. I can't even give you the names of most of my sexual partners. For me, I feel like a drunken tryst is the closest I can get to being close to someone.


"healthy" or not, it is still undeniably a higher level of social functioning than those who lack your ability to connect with people sexually. you take such for granted but at this point, this beggar would not be so choosy as to turn down a "drunken tryst" over nothing at all except solitude. you have much to be thankful for, for you have not had to suffer as an INCEL. try to imagine what your life would be like if nobody wanted to have sex with you or even talk to you or give you the time of day even. try to imagine the angst and frustration of being forced to live with rejection all through your young and vital years, and the wasted futile feeling in middle/old age of being merely "unpicked fruit rotting on the vine." you HAVE an important social facility, it has not yet given you the love of your life [give it more time, you are still young] but it gives you enjoyable sex at least [which is the royal road to finding love], and that is nothing to sneeze at. you actually are being given intimate human connection on a silver platter, which will lead to love.

i am beginning to believe this is a futile query on my part, in that the lucky-in-lust ones just don't understand the unlucky ones, and vice-versa, rather like red state/blue state - the two camps might as well be speaking in different languages. thank you anyway for your input.


I'm sorry. I really don't even know what to say at this point. I don't consider myself all that attractive, but many gay men do, and I can't bring myself to say "no" if one propositions me for sex. My only advice is to say that sexual compulsion is not a sign of healthy social/sexual functioning. I can't say no, so I've had quite a few partners..



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12 Aug 2011, 12:31 am

I would be like that given the chance. I am often angry that I am female just because as a guy you can be a lot more direct and being a loner can be attractive. I usually found it very difficult to get laid because girls are supposed to be flirtatious and act like they don't want it. Plus many guys want to date you and won't sleep with you until they have decided if you will be dating. One of my best friends was like a nympho behind closed doors (told me) but acted all prim & had guys falling over her. (so sick of the stereotype that girls can always get laid whenever they want to and I am attractive)

I am much more interested in sex than full blown relationship dramas. P.S. I do not support cheating though. I think it's the worst thing anyone can do to someone. I never have or would cheat on someone.



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12 Aug 2011, 2:00 am

davidalan11235813 wrote:
I don't consider myself all that attractive, but many gay men do, and I can't bring myself to say "no" if one propositions me for sex. My only advice is to say that sexual compulsion is not a sign of healthy social/sexual functioning. I can't say no, so I've had quite a few partners..


so that is the secret of your success, they throw themselves at YOU. must be nice. :hmph: regardless of your own estimation of your attractiveness, the proof is in the guys lusting after you. just be thankful of your abundant good fortune. keep wearing that raincoat, though.



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12 Aug 2011, 1:54 pm

auntblabby wrote:
davidalan11235813 wrote:
I don't consider myself all that attractive, but many gay men do...


so that is the secret of your success, they throw themselves at YOU. must be nice. :hmph: regardless of your own estimation of your attractiveness, the proof is in the guys lusting after you. just be thankful of your abundant good fortune. keep wearing that raincoat, though.


In some cases, the main requirements for a gay man to be attracted to you is that you are young, male, slim and have a pulse. Personality is optional. Of course, such sex is entirely meaningless and shallow, but there were times I wasn't picky.

I was utterly baffled by how to get started. I remember dancing with a guy at a nightclub once when I was young and naive, gazing into his eyes, and even my body language skills could tell he was interested in me. And we looked at each other... and I had no clue what to do. I'd never even kissed anyone before. I didn't know the rules, I didn't know how to read the signs; I had a computer prompt in my head reading "bad command or filename". He copped off with someone else later on and I never saw him again.

My first moment was another club, some months later. I was out with the university LGBT and I'd actually given up. I just had a drink, sat back and listened to the music and the conversations around me. And then some lad pulled me out of my seat, dragged me to the dancefloor and (after several social faux pas that I should probably cringe at now) he eventually kissed me. I never saw him again either, but that was my first kiss. It blew my mind. It wasn't that good, it wasn't anything special and it didn't lead to anything more, but it broke my social paralysis. I needed someone to take the initiative. After that, I knew I could do it and I was floating on a cloud for weeks afterwards.

Basically, I don't think the problem is that guys don't find you attractive. I think the problem is that you don't recognise it and don't know how to indicate your availability.



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12 Aug 2011, 5:13 pm

Thom_Fuleri wrote:
In some cases, the main requirements for a gay man to be attracted to you is that you are young, male, slim and have a pulse. Personality is optional. Of course, such sex is entirely meaningless and shallow, but there were times I wasn't picky.


i was all those things many moons ago. would that at least one of those moons would've gotten down on the ground with me instead of stubbornly remaining up in high orbit. :roll:

Thom_Fuleri wrote:
Basically, I don't think the problem is that guys don't find you attractive. I think the problem is that you don't recognise it and don't know how to indicate your availability.


perhaps. i totally lack body language, both in reception and in transmission- one odd "body language" thing that happened to me a few decades back, was i was in a YMCA shower room after swimming my usual mile, and some guy built like a greek statue, long botticelli curls streaming down but with gang tattoos all over him, walked in front of me, doffed his speedo slowly "tease" style, then posed in front of me languidly, never looking my way once, bent over facing away from me and spread his stuff wide which enabled me to get an eyeful of his goods, then he sauntered over to the stall next to mine, again never even glancing at me once, then did it again, but a lot closer. i didn't know what to make of this [other than i had to struggle to not get visibly aroused, as there were a few other men showering in there and a blatant tumescence would have been mortifying, to say the least]. he finished showering then slowly walked away, and only then did he glance back at me oh so briefly and made a "hmph!" sort of sigh as he disappeared around the corner. i never saw him there again. my main thoughts at that point was that he was a gang banger looking to bait and beat any queer he could find, in front of witnesses. i seriously doubt that i missed the chance of a lifetime, i probably saved myself from becoming a statistic. but i fantasize about him to this day. other than this maybe situation, the only attention ever paid to me was by lonely old pederasts, and now that i am among the old and lonely, i can see what they were feeling. :neutral: