Moopants wrote:
I wondered if perhaps this was more of a female trait as in gen. discussion etc guys seem to say they're happy not having social life, friends etc.
I am really bloody lonely. I don't want complete isolation.
Its not that I don't want friends. Its not even that I can't meet new people. It's that I am unable to continue friendships beyond the introductory phases and I have absolutely no idea why.
I know hundreds of people but not one of them I would consider a proper friend. They never make effort with me, I wouldn't trust them with personal information, they wouldnt be interested anyway. It all seems so superficial with them. They are all outwith mainstream society in one way or another. When I had my child they just cut all contact. They weren't the parenting types.
I've read extensively on group dynamics and friendship but academic research doesn't really manifest well in real life.
My family ask if its because I'm boring because I like talk about complex things (science, politics etc) or perhaps things they're not interested in and pmaybe that's my problem socially. I don't have odd interests just not very social ones and almost-social things like knitting I can't do and chat at the same time.
Where I am, alcohol is the biggest hobby. I dont mind being in pubs and prefer drunk people to sober people so its not a dislike of the culture.
I spent my lifetime worried it was because I didn't drink alcohol and that put people off. I've worried that I was just a generally unlikeable person. I always stop at the last theory because I cant see what else it could be.
I certainly don't whine like this in real life.
Regardless, I'm still lonely and I'm told that if you have AS you shouldn't be lonely as social interaction isn't that important.
Does this mean the diagnosis will be wrong then? Maybe I don't have social problems at all and I am just a horrible person that noone could ever like.
I guess it would be nice for one of my many acquaintances to make the effort occasionally.
Am I alone in thinking this way?
As a guy with AS (If I'm welcome offering my male viewpoint in a thread that's been dominated by women. Understandably so, as this sub-forum is geared towards women. Not sure how I gleaned that sagely knowledge; I think the "Women's Discussion" part may have tipped me off.), I can tell you that the idea that we don't need social interaction is garbage, speaking from my own experience. Sure, I'm comfortable going without social interaction for a considerable length of time and I'd choose to be a hermit much sooner than I'd try and be an extrovert (and fail miserably), but I'm still a human being and thus, a social creature, even though I'm not inclined to be as social as NTs. Therefore I sometimes still desire love, an outlet to share my interests and opinions, friends (for a variety of reasons. To share my interests with, to support and be supported by, to curtail my loneliness and so on) etc, and when I go without those things for whatever reason, I often get lonely and depressed. Not all the time or even most of the time, but I definitely do, and when I get hit by those feelings, I get hit pretty hard.
That's not something most people, whether they are men or women, NT or Autistic, are able to transcend entirely and frankly, I think it's probably ultimately more good than it is bad, in spite of the suffering it may cause, because it makes the meaningful connections we do come to develop with friends and significant others all the better, having experienced what it felt like to go without them. Richard Nixon was a corrupt jerk, but if there's one thing he got right, it's when he said this:
“Only if you have been in the deepest valley, can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.”
**Edited for some slight rephrasing**
Last edited by Jordan87 on 02 Jun 2011, 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
28 May 2011, 4:27 am
