loneliness

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I wanted to add that I've been incredibly lucky to find fulfillment in caring for stray cats, because I sincerely believe that, after 50 years of giving it my all and failing completely to even improve my social life a tiny bit, I wouldn't be in this world if the strays didn't need me. I had thought to start wrapping up my life when my parents didn't need me anymore, but two weeks before my dad passed away, one of the strays got into my home and refused to leave. I let him stay, to save his life, he ended up saving mine.

I'm not sure how to describe it but I like being an introvert while surrounded by other people. The presence of people that I know is comforting and being left alone makes me happy at the same time. I have little interaction with my family because I choose to. It sort of makes me a bit of a recluse during the weekends when I'm not socializing out with my classmates during the week. Although I know lots of people I don't feel like I can't relate or connect with them very well. So annoying.....

Honestly, I get kind of sick having the same aimless conversations with shallow people. I'd much rather spend time communicating with individuals who are actually worth speaking to. That's why I spend more time online talking than even bothering to interact in a social environment in person. It's the same mundane dialogue that has no depth whatsoever practically EVERY time I see and speak to them. I have very, very few people who I'm willing to be close to now because of not being able to trust anyone, and even with those people, they drain the energy and emotion out of me. I'm glad I know one person that doesn't drain me; if I didn't have him, I would barely talk to anyone.

I don't really get lonely and I try to avoid social interaction as much as I can. The only person I like being around is my daughter.

The only times I've ever been lonely was when I felt lost or felt I needed someone to cry to. Other than that, I've never been lonely. I have barely any friends and most of the ones I do have are online ones. But I'm cool with that. I've never actually been totally alone so I voted "family interaction is enough."

I'm always alone, I always feel lonely when I'm with people. People just don't approach me. The same goes for my family. My parents are ok, but they are preoccupied with their problems, so I don't expect to be interested in my life. Cousins, aunts, their friends, my parent's friends... too.

Sometimes I get a feeling that people are physically disgusted by me (I'm overveight, plain looking, clumsy).