Doubts, doubts and more doubts

Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

JoeBloggs
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 7

02 May 2011, 5:16 pm

I'm a 25-year-old romantically-challenged undiagnosed aspie who could do with your help.

Basically, I'm smitten with this girl but I really don't know if she sees me more as a friend than a boyfriend. I like her as she's a genuinely nice girl and I feel really quite comfortable around her.

We worked together for two-three years up until recently. Anyway we've been keeping in touch by email since we both moved to different offices within the company and she ended up essentially inviting me to ask her out.

So I did and we walked around a local art gallery, had lunch and some ice cream together one Sat'day a couple of weeks ago. The date - if you can call it that, I'm not quite sure - went reasonably well as far as I could tell despite a few awkward silences.

Thinking about it later, she asked a fair few probing questions and I really beat myself up mentally about some of my answers for a few days but there we go.

Anyway, I went for it and asked her out again the following week. She said she was busy - I thought that was the end of that - but she asked if I wanted to do something the following weekend.

So we went out for dinner this past Sat'day. Seemed to go much better than the first date and we ended up losing track of time.

But I'm clueless when it comes to reading the signals so to speak and she could just be being friendly for all I know.

Noticed she's been a bit more dressed up than normal when we've met up and she's been wearing a fair bit of makeup too -- but that's about it. Figure she's not the sort of girl to wear makeup or dress-up for no good reason.

Also, today she invited me to go to a theme park with her and one of her friends on Friday - and said I should bring a friend too.

But how am I supposed to know if she wants to be more than friends? Are there any tell-tale signs I should be aware of?

Sorry for the stream of consciousness above… any thoughts, advice or comments are more than welcome.



pangolin
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 10 Nov 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 27
Location: UK

02 May 2011, 6:40 pm

Aww, bless your heart. You sound like a lovely guy!

From what you've said, I would think she is definitely interested in more than just a friendship with you. It is pretty unusual for a girl to go on one-on-one 'dates' of this type with a guy (especially dinner!), if she's only interested in being friends. Making more of an effort with her appearance, suggesting an alternative date to see each other, and inviting you on a day out - all of these are signs that she is keen. Perhaps she asked you to bring a friend to the theme park so her friend will have some company while the two of you spend time together! Could almost turn into a double date type scenario...?! :D

It sounds like she really likes you. You should perhaps tell her - when you're having a particularly deep or heartfelt conversation - that you really like her. Then, if the conditions are favourable, that might be when you get to kiss her!

You really have nothing to lose - and everything to gain - by expressing your romantic intentions. She has chosen to spend time with you (and just you!) on a couple of occasions, and clearly wants this to continue. In the unlikely event that she does just want to be friends, you could easily be forgiven for thinking otherwise. She has given you definite signals, and if she were to be unaware of this then I reckon she'd be the one who is romantically-challenged, not you! And I'm sure you wouldn't lose her as a friend if this were to be the case. But anyway, what I'm saying is - yes, she's given you signals, and therefore it is highly likely that she would like something to happen!

Anyway, that's just my perspective. Perhaps she will make the first move on Friday, and then you'll be in no doubt as to her intentions! Do let us know how it goes... <3



conundrum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns

02 May 2011, 7:24 pm

^ This. :)

Have a good time on Friday and please let us know how things go.


_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17


hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

03 May 2011, 9:25 am

she already gave you lots of signs and you can be confident she has some feelings for you. good luck and have fun!

(so happy to read something positive. thanks for lifting my spirits)


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


RainingRoses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 731
Location: New York City

03 May 2011, 2:24 pm

JoeBloggs wrote:
Are there any tell-tale signs I should be aware of?

Yes. All the ones she's given you.
What are we up to? +4???



Bethie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,817
Location: My World, Highview, Louisville, Kentucky, USA, Earth, The Milky Way, Local Group, Local Supercluster

03 May 2011, 7:20 pm

Sounds like she's inviting you on a double date!

You're very observant to notice the subtle changes in her dress and makeup-
I agree that those are definite signs as well.

:D


_________________
For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.


Last edited by Bethie on 04 May 2011, 12:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

emuman100
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 555

03 May 2011, 10:32 pm

I'd say she likes you! Just don't freeze up like I do or get scared away. If you run, she might take it as you're not interested. Definitely go for it.


_________________
EOF


kbergren21
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 144

04 May 2011, 12:34 am

The number on key is just have fun. (dont think about it to much about it whether or not she into you or not)

When she is having fun things will fall into place... There's lots of non-verbals signs women do to give you a hint whether or not they like you. Does she play with her bangs when she talks to you? I'd recommend a quick review of female body language if you have the time.



michiganfan317
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 49
Location: Lansing, MI

04 May 2011, 1:04 am

Just trust it man. She sounds like she is into you. She wouldn't have wanted to go on a second date if she wasn't interested. Just enjoy your time together and give yourself a pat on the back because you deserve it. I would just take it one step at a time and not worry about all that other stuff.

If its meant to be its meant to be. It seems to me that your are going in the right direction.



JoeBloggs
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 7

08 May 2011, 1:31 pm

Thanks guys for all your replies.

Now for an update…

We went to the theme park and had a lot of fun together but I'm still not sure whether she's into me or just sees me as a friend.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find anyone to take along so it was me, Penny and her friend who she had already invited. To be honest, I was quite uncomfortable with her having a chaperone there as I tend to clam up around people I don't know.

And I'm kind of worried her friend will now think I'm weird as I'm not very confident or talkative and will put Penny off me -- if she ever was interested.

But, on the other hand, I did manage to make some small talk with her and we got on reasonably well so you never know. Also, if Penny didn't know how I felt about her before there's a fair chance she does now as her friend must surely have noticed.

The problem I've got is Penny's such a nice girl I know she won't want to hurt my feelings by telling me she's not interested.

I did feel incredibly jealous at one point when Penny's friend asked about whether she'd be seeing a policeman she dated recently again but she replied "no" quite sharply which I think's a good sign.

We didn't really get any "alone time" so I couldn't tell her how I feel about her but it was an enjoyable day out and we had lots of fun.

She text me after saying: "I'm home. Had a great time, hope you did too :)"

I relied: "Enjoyed myself :) Thanks for inviting me. Let me know when you're free and I'll treat you to a day out somewhere. Take care."

Looks like we'll be going to the zoo together sometime soon now. If she asks if she can bring someone along I think I can safely say she sees me as a friend.

But if she doesn't, I'm going to find somewhere quiet in the shade for a lunch time picnic and tell her just how I feel.

I'm planning to say something along the lines of: "Penny. There's something I need to tell you. I think you're the kindest and most caring woman I've ever met. Just being around you is enough to make me smile. I think you're beautiful and I'm smitten by you."

I don't know if this is a good idea but I really need to get it off my chest and find out one way or another. Whatever will be, will be I guess.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.



Bodrik
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 23 Apr 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 29

09 May 2011, 12:10 am

[edit: i saw your other thread, mentioning the NT friend]

On the double date aspect:
I think her asking for a friend to come a long, is basically some way of helping her get an idea of what her friends and your friend think of the guy she is pursuing. Maybe she too is trying to decide if you are who she thinks she is.

Good luck!



JoeBloggs
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 7

13 May 2011, 12:54 pm

Further update: I did what I consider to be the most romantic thing I've ever done last night.

As we went to an art gallery on our first date and we can both read and write shorthand...

I went back to the gallery and got a postcard of her favourite painting and wrote a short, shorthand note on the back telling her how I feel about her and posted it.

I feel really good about myself; much better for having got it off my chest and I won't hesitate to do so in future now. Strangely, I'm not all too concerned about how she reacts and I feel ready to move on whatever her reaction.

Think I've had one of those lightbulb moments: I've realised there's nothing I can do to make her love me, if she rejects me, she rejects me -- que sera, sera.



conundrum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns

14 May 2011, 8:24 pm

JoeBloggs wrote:
Further update: I did what I consider to be the most romantic thing I've ever done last night.

As we went to an art gallery on our first date and we can both read and write shorthand...

I went back to the gallery and got a postcard of her favourite painting and wrote a short, shorthand note on the back telling her how I feel about her and posted it.


That is really sweet. :)

JoeBloggs wrote:
I feel really good about myself; much better for having got it off my chest and I won't hesitate to do so in future now. Strangely, I'm not all too concerned about how she reacts and I feel ready to move on whatever her reaction.

Think I've had one of those lightbulb moments: I've realised there's nothing I can do to make her love me, if she rejects me, she rejects me -- que sera, sera.


That is absolutely true. However, it's good that your realization of this didn't prevent you from moving forward and at least enjoying being around her, as I am sure she enjoys being around you.


_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17