Would you want to date the person who would date you?

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wefunction
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01 Jun 2011, 4:14 pm

Bataar wrote:
I was just thinking about this the other day. Knowing my faults and other circumstances beyond my control, I don't think I'd be able to even start or maintain a relationship with a woman I'd want to date. That leaves the possibility women who would date me as someone I wouldn't want to date. In order for a woman to want to date me, she'd have to have quite a bit wrong with her in order for her not to be able to attract someone better or make it work with them.


First, you're selling yourself short. Next, you're putting your imaginary future girlfriend on a pedestal (that dooms a relationship to fail more than any personality flaws or inconsistencies will ever do). Finally, you're way over-thinking this.

If the person you want to date wouldn't ever date you, you've already set your standards too low. The first standard for a potential partner is that they want to be with you. This is what makes a relationship work more than a mutual interest in the number of times a single stormtrooper dies in Millennium Falcon boarding scene on Tatooine during A New Hope thanks to bad editing. Both of you must have a mutual interest in each other and the relationship that you're building.

I understand that you don't choose to be you and are forced to spend every minute with you, therefore your self-loathing arouses the natural question of why another human, who has a choice in the matter, would spend time with you. You will now have to understand that the mental illness would not be with the one who wants to be with you, but only with you. Your lack of self-worth will damage relationships for your entire life if you continue to devalue yourself in such a way. Trust me, you're good enough for self-esteem.



jrjones9933
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01 Jun 2011, 4:44 pm

My best guess, based on limited information:

Deal with your perfectionism, and this will become a non-issue.


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Legre
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08 Jul 2011, 8:33 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I am not attracted to men who aren't interested in me...


If that's true you are really in the Wrong Planet.



Legre
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08 Jul 2011, 8:53 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I am not attracted to men who aren't interested in me...


If that's true you are really in the Wrong Planet.



MXH
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08 Jul 2011, 9:21 pm

I dont know what type of people would date me, so i cant answer the question.



chrissyrun
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08 Jul 2011, 9:37 pm

Bataar wrote:
I was just thinking about this the other day. Knowing my faults and other circumstances beyond my control, I don't think I'd be able to even start or maintain a relationship with a woman I'd want to date. That leaves the possibility women who would date me as someone I wouldn't want to date. In order for a woman to want to date me, she'd have to have quite a bit wrong with her in order for her not to be able to attract someone better or make it work with them.


So, are you saying that you are willing to settle, because I don't understand what you are saying?



metaphysics
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08 Jul 2011, 9:44 pm

Rationally, it depends on whether that person can supply my demand...

Demand&Supply, Capitalist theory again... :P



JohnOldman
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08 Jul 2011, 10:18 pm

I have trouble accepting that someone is interested in me... I think it's a lack of empathy thing.

I'm often strongly interested in someone whom I've idealized over time. Of course idealizing someone works best at a distance, so it's usually someone who doesn't feel motivated to be near me whom I'm longing to date, while anyone who is longing to date me tends to get the cold shoulder.



Jonsi
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08 Jul 2011, 10:21 pm

Depends on who he/she is. I don't know who would date me. D:



Mindslave
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11 Jul 2011, 10:16 pm

I know what the OP is saying. I've been there. The girl that is obsessed with me I don't want, and the girl I'm obsessed with doesn't want me. I ultimately decided that even if I met a person I would want to date, I wouldn't date her. I've done that.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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12 Jul 2011, 12:28 am

Jonsi wrote:
Depends on who he/she is. I don't know who would date me. D:


That. ^^

People tend to back away once they start to get to know me.


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Bataar
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12 Jul 2011, 3:36 pm

chrissyrun wrote:
Bataar wrote:
I was just thinking about this the other day. Knowing my faults and other circumstances beyond my control, I don't think I'd be able to even start or maintain a relationship with a woman I'd want to date. That leaves the possibility women who would date me as someone I wouldn't want to date. In order for a woman to want to date me, she'd have to have quite a bit wrong with her in order for her not to be able to attract someone better or make it work with them.


So, are you saying that you are willing to settle, because I don't understand what you are saying?

I'm saying it would be weird :)

If a woman wanted to date me, I'd be concerned. I'd wonder why she wants to date me when there are so many "better" options out there. If I'm the best she can get, that would leave me concerned about why that is.



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12 Jul 2011, 4:46 pm

If I found her physically attractive then yes I would date her. If not, then probably not because I don't see myself dating someone to whom I feel no physical attraction.