Would you want to date the person who would date you?

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Bataar
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05 May 2011, 2:17 am

I was just thinking about this the other day. Knowing my faults and other circumstances beyond my control, I don't think I'd be able to even start or maintain a relationship with a woman I'd want to date. That leaves the possibility women who would date me as someone I wouldn't want to date. In order for a woman to want to date me, she'd have to have quite a bit wrong with her in order for her not to be able to attract someone better or make it work with them.



hale_bopp
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05 May 2011, 2:44 am

I am not attracted to men who aren't interested in me. They turn me off instantly. If someone refers to me as "ugly" (or any other term to say they don't like me) I instantly stop finding them attractive.

So yes, I would like the person who would date me, simply because it's usually been people interested in me who I have become interested in in the first place.



TheBicyclingGuitarist
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05 May 2011, 3:26 am

Aw heck. If a girl likes you, maybe she's seeing things in you that you have trouble seeing yourself. Perspective, you know.
Of course, if you really believe what you say, then it probably is as you describe, self-fulfilling prophecy. There's a book by Richard Bach called Illusions that has some great one-liners in it, including "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours."

This thread reminds me of a famous saying of Groucho Marx. The following is from a site called Wikiquote:
"PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER."
Telegram to the Friar's Club of Beverly Hills to which he belonged, as recounted in Groucho and Me (1959), p. 321
[Variant:] "Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member".
As quoted in The Groucho Letters (1967) by Arthur Sheekman. The sentiment predates Marx by 61 years, however; it likely originated with John Galsworthy in The Forsyte Saga. In Part I, Chapter II, "Old Jolyon Goes to the Opera", it's said of Old Jolyon that, "He naturally despised the Club that did take him." after another refused him because he was in a trade.


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Troy_Guther
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05 May 2011, 5:43 am

Maybe I'm just young and ignorant, but isn't this how most dates work? Of course I would want to date someone who sees the value in me!



CrinklyCrustacean
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05 May 2011, 5:54 am

No, not necessarily. A few girls have been interested in me, and I turned them all down because I didn't feel the same way about them. I don't see the point in dating someone I'm not attracted to. If, however, the girl that I liked also liked me, then yes, of course I would date her.



ToadOfSteel
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05 May 2011, 8:03 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
No, not necessarily. A few girls have been interested in me, and I turned them all down because I didn't feel the same way about them. I don't see the point in dating someone I'm not attracted to. If, however, the girl that I liked also liked me, then yes, of course I would date her.


At least you've had the luxury of having girls that are interested in you...



CrinklyCrustacean
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05 May 2011, 8:13 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
No, not necessarily. A few girls have been interested in me, and I turned them all down because I didn't feel the same way about them. I don't see the point in dating someone I'm not attracted to. If, however, the girl that I liked also liked me, then yes, of course I would date her.


At least you've had the luxury of having girls that are interested in you...

As have you. You've even had a girlfriend, something I have not.



MCalavera
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05 May 2011, 8:17 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
No, not necessarily. A few girls have been interested in me, and I turned them all down because I didn't feel the same way about them. I don't see the point in dating someone I'm not attracted to. If, however, the girl that I liked also liked me, then yes, of course I would date her.


At least you've had the luxury of having girls that are interested in you...


I see you constantly whine all over the forum about how no girl wants you. Well, ok, no girl wants you. So what is it going to serve you whining about it all the time?

Enjoy yourself more, mate.



bucephalus
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05 May 2011, 11:05 am

MCalavera wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
No, not necessarily. A few girls have been interested in me, and I turned them all down because I didn't feel the same way about them. I don't see the point in dating someone I'm not attracted to. If, however, the girl that I liked also liked me, then yes, of course I would date her.


At least you've had the luxury of having girls that are interested in you...


I see you constantly whine all over the forum about how no girl wants you. Well, ok, no girl wants you. So what is it going to serve you whining about it all the time?

Enjoy yourself more, mate.


I can't beleive that no girl wants him for a second. Opportunities are always flying around, it's just a case of identifying them and capitalizing yeah?


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2010Dolby
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06 May 2011, 12:18 am

exactly bucephalus. just gotta pay attention to the girls' subtle cues so you know if you got the green light. and if you dont have a green light, make one happen lol



nick007
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06 May 2011, 1:45 pm

I have lots of things wrong with me & I tend to be more attracted to women who have things as well because I think they might could better relate, be more sympathetic, understanding & we could maybe help each other. I'd be interested in anyone who wants to date me except for gay guys who want to have sex with me but those are the only people interested in me. I feel kinda of like a hypocrite for not giving em a chance because I often complain about how no women will give me one & attraction is unimpo0rtant to me in a relationship because I think effort & being willing to compromise is the key to make one work


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jagatai
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06 May 2011, 6:48 pm

I have the bad habit of finding fault with any woman who seems interested in me. It's definitely something I am not proud of, but when women (some who were initially very appealing to me) start suggesting we do things together or else they start to flirt with me, I tend to back away. (I've posted about this before, so if you've heard this before, feel free to skip on to the next post) And the women who I was never attracted to to begin with, while I might remain friendly with them, I do not feel compelled to give them a shot. I know I should, but I don't.

Anyway, I wonder if that is the problem a lot of people here deal with. There are many potential friends and lovers who get ignored because we "wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have us for a member."

I think when all is said and done, I'm getting what I want. Solitude. As much as I might want a girlfriend as some abstract figure of desire, in reality, I don't know what to do with another person and just feel much more comfortable alone. I might blame my lack of relationships on my faults, but I've had plenty of chances and never acted on them. I have to conclude that I just didn't want the pain, frustration and anxiety of dealing so intimately with another human being.


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MrLoony
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06 May 2011, 7:29 pm

It seems to be a non-issue either way with me. My ex-girlfriend was rather interested in me before we started dating, and I was interested in her. After she broke up with me, I still want to be with her.

I've turned down girls in the past that have propositioned me, and I've had plenty of times where a girl obviously is not attracted to me where the feeling is mutual.


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Noob
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06 May 2011, 7:29 pm

This one will boggle my mind for at least an hour...



Last edited by Noob on 06 May 2011, 10:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Magnus_Rex
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06 May 2011, 7:34 pm

Only if I were interested in the person.

Of course, given my history of having interested girls giving up because I wasn't aware until it was too late, I would probably date the interested girl even if I weren't interested in her. I'm beginning to accept that I'm not in position to choose.



AstroGeek
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06 May 2011, 9:10 pm

I can't imagine wanting to date someone else...