Being too dependent on one person - help!

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marshmallow
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10 Aug 2006, 9:40 am

Once more I come to you for advice.
I wonder is this a common aspie trait and do any of you recognise this.
I have become emotionally dependent on someone to the extent that when they are not around, I feel like the bottom has dropped out of my world. There is no real reason for this, the person is a friend and someone I totally relate with, but its not like they take care of me or even listen to my problems, theyre just there.
And when theyre not I feel the most painful longing.
It seems so out of proportion because I can not see family members etc for ages, but it doesnt bother me that much, even really close ones.
Yet this person is like oxygen to me.
Anyone had a similar experience?
love Marshmallow



marshmallow
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10 Aug 2006, 9:41 am

By the way, I should have mentioned that Im not a teen, or a young person, Im a mature woman with a family!



Captain_Brown
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10 Aug 2006, 9:46 am

That is so sad that your friends don't care about you. They are not true friends, because true friends really care. The good thing is you still have a family.



rhubarbpluscustard
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10 Aug 2006, 2:13 pm

I have exactly, but exactly, the same thing. Everything you said fits my situation with one of my friends. The awful thing is that in a month's time I'll be in London and my friend will be on the West Coast of the US.



marshmallow
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11 Aug 2006, 7:42 am

Thanks for your replies.
Hi Captain Brown, I think my friend does care in their own way, its just that I can be very demonstrative ( perhaps overly so..... ). But my family are brilliant, how they put up with me sometimes, Ill never know.
Hi rhubarbplus custard, I feel for you, keep me posted, maybe we can support each other.
I feel so happy when my friends around, partly I think because I feel a connection with them that I dont with others, like I can say something random but theyll understand.
Yet it feels so lonely.



peebo
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11 Aug 2006, 9:38 am

marshmallow, the very same thing has happened to me, on a number of occasions. its like an obsession of sorts. dont worry, it will pass with time. i think it is common among aspies.



thechadmaster
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11 Aug 2006, 9:40 am

if i didint know any better i'd say i wrote that myself



yoyo
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11 Aug 2006, 2:57 pm

Marshmallow,

I too am very dependent on one person and feel totally lost if they are not around. Like you I am a 'mature woman' with a family and I could have written your post myself. I cannot cope well if there are too many people around me but feel more at ease with one person whom I can trust. I think it must be an aspie trait.

Yoyo



en_una_isla
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11 Aug 2006, 3:12 pm

I am the same way, marshmallow.



marshmallow
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11 Aug 2006, 7:47 pm

Thanks so much everyone for your replies, you re all great people



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11 Aug 2006, 10:15 pm

Marshmellow I've been dependant on my family for years, years I mean since out of high school when I should be "on my own" according to society. I think the major obstacle is because my parents are so overprotective, I never really learned how to take care of myself cuz they're willing to do everything for me. It's not like I don't appreciate it, but then I'm stuck between thinking I'm a no-good lazy arse because I'm doing nothing with my life, or just saying well I'm Aspie and I should give it time.

My mom has discussed about trying a living skills class, and then later on in life. Like way later like when I'm 50, I have anxiety issues, and one of them is about not knowing the future. About living in a community living home. My psychatrist says it sounds like a good idea, and my guess is it's going to be like Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends..uhm except nobody is imaginary. :lol:

What I stated above actually upon thought really has nothing to do with your situation at all. I can say that at one time I was friends with a girl named Kris on the internet, and I was kind of obsessed with the relationship with her. Like in a girl friend way, not a girlfriend way. I think alot of it was because I was in high school, and I had no friends cuz I wasn't willing to starve myself to be a prep like all the other female students. So it was like she was the only person who understood. Also, this was like when the internet was first starting up..so it wasn't like there were as many support communities like this one, that there are now.



marshmallow
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12 Aug 2006, 8:26 am

Hi violet_yoshi, actually the situation I describe is one I can relate to in some ways, although I have grown up children of my own, I can remember as a child, the whole family going out and me wanting to stay at home by myself alone. Then when it would seem they would be gone forever, I would cry. If they asked me why I could never admit I missed them , Im not even sure I did, but I knew I was dependent on them.
Thanks for replying, take care.



larsenjw92286
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12 Aug 2006, 8:46 am

I think you should just put the pedal to the metal and do what you can yourself. It shows how mature you are.


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Morphia
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14 Aug 2006, 11:33 am

I have had the same thing in a close friendship and i do rely on my family an awful lot, i'm not so good at somethings, like rent and bills, or eating properly or taking care of myself. I need someone to look out for me sometimes. I also suffer from the problem of wanting to be alone but freaking out if i'm alone for too long!! Go figure!! I had problems living by myself for this reason. And from all the replies it does seem as though it might be an aspie thing!


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15 Aug 2006, 6:05 pm

Are you stalking me? 8O
Last year in high school I had a friend who I was sooo dependent on. One day he tells me that he's moving to arizona and I could not believe it! High school hasn't been the same without him. Now I have no one in my classes whom I'm friends with. All of my other few friends are in different classes.

I'm also rather dependent on my family. Especially my sister and my brother.


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marshmallow
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16 Aug 2006, 6:58 am

Thanks again everyone for making me feel less alone in this situation. I havent seen my friend for a little while now and I miss them incredibly, we have spoken and all seems ok.
One good thing is that the longing makes me write decent poetry ha ha
Its unfair on the people who really care about me like my family, if I could only give them the attention and mindspace I give my friend.