"I have Asperger's" is no excuse.
Verdandi
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Yeah. I've done this. I never had any therapy to not do it, but over time I've cut down. I still do it every now and then, but I am significantly less likely to, say, reveal something humiliating about someone right in front of them. Which has happened.
Probably reasonable to have learned something by 41...
I do those things too. I am happy I make people laugh. Better than upsetting them.
I just don't concern myself with it.
If someone thinks I'm rude, that's fine with me. I don't need to weight my worth or personal value on the perceptions of others.
I very, very rarely appologize for anything. And never make excuses.
If I'm a jerk, that's A OK with me.
Has nothing to do with Aspergers.
Has everything to do with a self generated sense of self worth and complete disregard of outward opinions of self.
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Go ahead and define god, with universal acceptance of said definition.
I'll wait.
Doesn't your own opinion of yourself get depreciated when you believe you've been a jerk? I mean you must have some ideal that allows you to measure yourself against? I'm guessing being a jerk isn't that ideal. So when you are a jerk doesn't your self-worth go down because you have gone further away from your ideal? Just trying to understand.
Doesn't your own opinion of yourself get depreciated when you believe you've been a jerk? I mean you must have some ideal that allows you to measure yourself against? I'm guessing being a jerk isn't that ideal. So when you are a jerk doesn't your self-worth go down because you have gone further away from your ideal? Just trying to understand.
The thing is, everyone has moments when they are a jerk. It's not like it's exclusive to those with an ASD. I run into jerks day and night.
Sometimes you have to be a jerk just to keep people from running over you!
I don't try to be an intentional jerk and it pisses me off when others are jerks but at the end of the day, I realize it's part of life. Everyone, including me, is going to be a jerk from time to time, intentional or not. Sometimes you got to let these things go and not let them get to you even though I get annoyed myself. I admit to being too sensitive from time to time.
Still, I wish I could wave a magic wand and take all jerkiness out of the human race, myself included because it gets on my nerves as much as it does anyone.
Seph
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Joined: 24 May 2011
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Have you tried looking in a mirror and practicing different looks? If you spend the time practicing facial expressions and attempting to make your eyes look differently when they're looking at someone, you might be able to start controlling how you look at others. Watch how an actor looks at someone in a movie... how he looks, then looks away, then looks back and then looks away again. Decipher the pattern and then use it again in the mirror. Keep practicing until you think you can duplicate it without looking in the mirror.
The 12-step group being what it is, you might want to say that you're autistic and explain the trouble that you have with people misunderstanding you, even just from looking at people. Explain that you're trying a mirror trick that some crazy woman on the internet suggested and ask for their help and ideas on how to do things differently. You might get some good advice. If you can context it to say that your autism isn't a big thing, it's some little things that just make you different enough to make people exclude you, they might understand you better. I say this because this is a 12-step group. The rules about support, understanding and discretion could provide the security you'd need that others just wouldn't have in different situations.
I hope you didn't take the phrase calling "high-functioning" a cruel joke as a personal insult. I didn't mean it as such. It was used to express frustration of trying to be functional when I know I'm not. The terms have never actually been in the DSM and aren't official designations. They're only used colloquially to destinguish from severe autism. I honestly don't see it changing in the new DSM. I actually see it worse when Asperger's gets merged.
I appreciate the advice with practicing faces in the mirror. I'll keep it in mind and try it in the future. Right now I just need to concentrate on getting past this depressive cycle I'm in...
Agree with the OP. It applies to not just things we say, but things we do too.
If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all. When in doubt just be nice.
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Doesn't your own opinion of yourself get depreciated when you believe you've been a jerk? I mean you must have some ideal that allows you to measure yourself against? I'm guessing being a jerk isn't that ideal. So when you are a jerk doesn't your self-worth go down because you have gone further away from your ideal? Just trying to understand.
Rephrased. "If I'm labeled a jerk, that's A OK with me."
Edit; But to answer your question. No, actually. I'm generally quite proud of myself when I believe I have been a jerk. It is a truely rare occasion that I stand up for myself, and if the consequence of doing so is being a jerk, it's overall still a possitive.
And on a side note, self image and self worth may be related, but are not the same. My self image may change over time, but that does not have to have an impact on my self worth. Even if I do something "bad" I don't have to have a decreased worth. This is an issue related to cognitive dissonance...I am comfortable existing in a dissonant state.
_________________
I am Ignostic.
Go ahead and define god, with universal acceptance of said definition.
I'll wait.
Last edited by NarcissusSavage on 28 May 2011, 1:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
Seph
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Joined: 24 May 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 406
Location: In a space station in orbit around Saturn
I'm emotionally triggered right now so, please, take this post in stride.
If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all.
I find this dehumanizing.
I've been essentially mute for 34 years and you're telling me to not say anything at all?
No... just no.
_________________
Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill? -Cypher, Matrix
If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all.
I find this dehumanizing.
I've been essentially mute for 34 years and you're telling me to not say anything at all?
No... just no.
I agree. No one ever "Knows what to say". What does that statement even mean? It's rhetoric. Garbage recycled by parents without original thought in an attempt to socially bandaid thier childrens communication missteps. It's rediculous too, without making mistakes and just remaining silent, you will not learn or grow, your opinions and contributions will remain unheard.
_________________
I am Ignostic.
Go ahead and define god, with universal acceptance of said definition.
I'll wait.
Verdandi
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Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)
If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all. When in doubt just be nice.
Oh, if only it were that simple.
Not about using it to excuse rudeness. I mean knowing something is rude to begin with, or knowing how to be nice.
I like what I heard when I was majoring in music: If you make a mistake, make it loud.
I also agree with Seph's and NarcissusSavage's replies to this.
If someone thinks I'm rude, that's fine with me. I don't need to weight my worth or personal value on the perceptions of others.
I very, very rarely appologize for anything. And never make excuses.
If I'm a jerk, that's A OK with me.
Has nothing to do with Aspergers.
Has everything to do with a self generated sense of self worth and complete disregard of outward opinions of self.
When I choose not to be rude, relying on my accumulated decades of lessons in this topic, I don't do it out of weighting my worth or personal value on the perceptions of others. There are really two factors that go into this:
1) I don't see the point of unnecessarily antagonizing or hurting other people. What do I get out of hurting someone else's feelings or deliberately offending them? In most social situations, nothing but more stress for me.
2) I don't see the point of taking actions that are contrary to my intended goals, or make those goals harder to achieve.
But outward opinions of self? Oh, if I cared about that I think my life would have gone a bit differently. Often I'm downright oblivious to those.
MyWorld
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As much as I don't like some of your posts, I have to agree with you on this one.
swbluto
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And with that strike the problem is solved...(lol) Who has a problem here?
"Im so sorry" (sugar voice) and Dark_Lord_2008 is happy again.... wow thats easy!
My as*hole behavior is your narrow perception and therefore your problem. If I would explain to you why I do things wrong in your eyes, you would not feel offended anymore, but typically it takes a lot of effort explaining the other way of seing things, and so the Aspergers excuse would be ok for me.
I use I have Aspergers as an excuse for why I pull away from another person's touch. I have found telling them I am autistic instead of yelling don't touch me keeps them from being insulted.
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