Why I don't like being around people....



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nirrti_rachelle
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29 May 2011, 7:37 am

I just had a realization about why I don't like being around people.

At first, I thought it was because I'm an introvert. But even other introverts like being around others on occasion, just not for extended periods. Other aspies long to be around others but just don't know how. For me, even if I did have all the social skills in the world, I still wouldn't like being around others.

I was thinking about this then came to the conclusion that when I'm by myself, I'm just me. If I was around others, I'm what ever label they decide to stick on me at that particular time. And many times, those labels are either incorrect or out right malicious.

When it's just me alone, I'm playful, insightful, philosophical, studious, and spiritual. If I'm with others, I'm "slow", "crazy", "coo-coo", "retarded", "not a Christian", "not employed", "not a Jehovah's Witness", "not my daughter", and simply not good enough. I've been avoiding people because the only times I ever felt absolute misery was in relations with others.


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MollyTroubletail
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29 May 2011, 7:42 am

What if you met someone nonjudgmental who wasn't interested in labeling you?



Acacia
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29 May 2011, 7:48 am

nirrti_rachelle wrote:
When it's just me alone, I'm playful, insightful, philosophical, studious, and spiritual. If I'm with others, I'm "slow", "crazy", "coo-coo", "retarded", "not a Christian", rejected, and simply not good enough.

Me too. You said it perfectly.
Which is interesting, because so many other people seem to have the opposite experience. They feel "playful, insightful, spiritual, etc." when they are social.


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sgrannel
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29 May 2011, 8:15 am

nirrti_rachelle wrote:
When it's just me alone, I'm playful, insightful, philosophical, studious, and spiritual. If I'm with others, I'm "slow", "crazy", "coo-coo", "retarded", "not a Christian", "not employed", "not a Jehovah's Witness", "not my daughter", and simply not good enough. I've been avoiding people because the only times I ever felt absolute misery was in relations with others.


When I was younger I also noticed that a lot of my problems simply disappeared when I got away from everybody. I was not longer slow or incompetent in need of "getting my s**t together". I think it was because I really could function better when nobody else was around.

Do "not a Christian", "not a Jehovah's Witness", "not my daughter", go together? My tendency is to ignore differences in religion and politics when I'm working with someone. It's the other person's own personal business and not part of the topic. It's not a good idea to pick a fight with someone over religion or politics because it can damage any mutual effort you might have otherwise had, and at the end of the day, you may quite literally be fighting over... ...nothing.


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nirrti_rachelle
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29 May 2011, 8:57 am

sgrannel wrote:
Do "not a Christian", "not a Jehovah's Witness", "not my daughter", go together?


You made a very astute observation. My father and (former)stepmother disowned me for not being a Jehovah's Witness saying I would corrupt them and their two kids even though I never did anything wrong.

I was a mainstream Christian at the time and JWs believe being so is worse than being nothing at all. Interestingly, I stopped being a Christian a few years ago and now I'm afraid if I tell my family, they might reject me just like my father.


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galtor
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29 May 2011, 5:18 pm

I don't like being around people for two reasons:

1. I feel like all of their energy is transmitted to me. All of their thoughts are sent to me. It is like I am reading their minds and it is too much to bare. Normally it is mostly negative and it is directed at me.

2. I feel like people are a threat. All of them. I feel that they are boorish, crude and nasty. You never meet up with PhD scientists walking the street. Normally it is the regular people out in public. And I don't, I am always bothered by ... people.



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29 May 2011, 5:33 pm

Most of the time, I don't like being around people, because I feel physically distressed in their presence. People, fluorescent lighting, and bar noise are all the same to me. I do like being around people to have long engaging conversations with them. In these cases, people are fun.


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29 May 2011, 8:35 pm

I don't like people, and even my own friends drive me crazy.

I think peoples focus and enjoyment are all out of whack, and it drives me insane. Everything I have to say is looked at as irrelevant, crazy, or just plain stupid. I know I'm not perfect, but people are generally too imperfect for me to tolerate. I have considered multiple times now just cutting away from the people I do know so that they stop bugging the hell out of me. It's not their fault, it's my fault. If it were others people fault, then nobody would want to hang out with anybody at all!

When it comes to socializing with people, I have no interest in talking with them. I also have no idea how I should respond to their pointless conversation. Even on online games, if somebody tries talking to me, I generally just go do something else until they go away, appearing "AFK". I wish I was a rude jackass like we are accused of, because then I'd just say "Go the hell away" and continue on instead of wasting my time waiting for some guy to get bored of waiting for me to respond.

I suppose people wouldn't be so bad if I could wade through their nonsense, but they'd still irritate me. People are so impressed with irrelevant details, how could I not be irritated?


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29 May 2011, 8:42 pm

I was thinking about this earlier today. People usually make me feel inferior by mocking me or looking down at me when I talk about my interests. They make me feel dumb when I know I'm not and try to make me feel like their life is so much better than mine. The truth is I much prefer my interests and my life over theirs. And why spend time with people that make you feel that way?

There is also the exhaustion that comes from spending a couple of hours with them and the discomfort I feel when I just need to be alone. It's also exhausting trying to watch what you say but you always end up saying something that someone can use against you.

Then there is the sensory and emotional stress and the frustration that comes from them not believing I have such issues.

I'm better on my own. I'm more organised, productive, insightful, healthy and feel secure in my environment.


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29 May 2011, 10:52 pm

galtor wrote:
I don't like being around people for two reasons:

1. I feel like all of their energy is transmitted to me. All of their thoughts are sent to me. It is like I am reading their minds and it is too much to bare. Normally it is mostly negative and it is directed at me.

2. I feel like people are a threat. All of them. I feel that they are boorish, crude and nasty. You never meet up with PhD scientists walking the street. Normally it is the regular people out in public. And I don't, I am always bothered by ... people.


WOW.

Number one is EXACTLY what I feel like. I get other emotions too--usually I get a pretty accurate baseline reading of a person's personality (and I'm apparently about 90% correct, if I account for the fact that I don't often ask about it).

Number two is what I've learned the hard way.

That is so cool! I wonder why we have the same reaction? I can't say I know a lot about neurology, but maybe something in our hardwiring is the same? *obsession with psychology takes over* :D


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29 May 2011, 11:47 pm

nirrti_rachelle wrote:
I just had a realization about why I don't like being around people.

At first, I thought it was because I'm an introvert. But even other introverts like being around others on occasion, just not for extended periods. Other aspies long to be around others but just don't know how. For me, even if I did have all the social skills in the world, I still wouldn't like being around others.

I was thinking about this then came to the conclusion that when I'm by myself, I'm just me. If I was around others, I'm what ever label they decide to stick on me at that particular time. And many times, those labels are either incorrect or out right malicious.

When it's just me alone, I'm playful, insightful, philosophical, studious, and spiritual. If I'm with others, I'm "slow", "crazy", "coo-coo", "retarded", "not a Christian", "not employed", "not a Jehovah's Witness", "not my daughter", and simply not good enough. I've been avoiding people because the only times I ever felt absolute misery was in relations with others.

It takes a holiday to bring about these insights. I feel the same way.



sgrannel
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30 May 2011, 4:33 pm

nirrti_rachelle wrote:
sgrannel wrote:
Do "not a Christian", "not a Jehovah's Witness", "not my daughter", go together?


You made a very astute observation. My father and (former)stepmother disowned me for not being a Jehovah's Witness saying I would corrupt them and their two kids even though I never did anything wrong.

I was a mainstream Christian at the time and JWs believe being so is worse than being nothing at all. Interestingly, I stopped being a Christian a few years ago and now I'm afraid if I tell my family, they might reject me just like my father.


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A boy and his dog sometimes talk to each other
A boy and a dog can be happy sitting down in the woods on a log
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BerlinDancer
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15 Nov 2012, 8:00 pm

I'm just anti-social. I don't seem to like people at all. I can listen to music and like a singer/band or I can watch a movie and enjoy the plot and like the actors but that's because there is a safety net - it's not real.

Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't related to my own family, would I still like them. The answer is an uncomfortable one.

I've only had a dozen or so friends in my life than I genuinely enjoyed spending time with and even now I've lost contact with all of them for various reasons. Maybe I'm just getting old, sad and bitter.

Even people on the internet tend to annoy me, although I know there are a lot of good folks out there too. But when I read some of the comments on sites like Twitter and the various news/politics discussion boards it just makes me despair. I blame aspects of the media (The Sun, Daily Mail etc) for encouraging people to have such opinions rather than just reporting the news.

I'm 35 now and over the past few years I'm becoming more and more socially isolated and suspicious of the world. I see virtually everyone as a threat and a potential enemy. I didn't used to be like this and can't figure where it all went wrong for me.



Daniel_8964
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16 Nov 2012, 8:54 am

I feel like this in a way. You're not alone, I feel like if people are judging me most of the time and they are a threat to me which I feel betrayed or just can't stand the ignorance and negativity comes directly from them and aimed at me. I rather stay in the shadows and not the spotlight where the rude, shallow and sad people are. It has made me more aware and avoidant of people nowadays.



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