NTalyssa wrote:
While I'm sure he likes you.. I'd most definitely be cautious. For safety reasons, I would highly caution against him moving to California and living with you right away simply because if you don't get married or date for a long time, there is a great chance he will resent you and see it as "I moved all the way here for you and it was a waste of my time." I know that sounds weird, but from experience, that could happen.
Also, while jealousy is a good indicator that he likes you... it's also a kind of dangerous one. If he really didn't want you to be dating other people, he would tell you "I don't want you to date other people and to wait for me" and he would do the same. However, he is still dating other people. From my experience, lines like that have lead to emotionally abusive relationships - this doesn't mean he's not a wonderful guy, just be careful.
Also from experience... if someone is willing to leave their significant other for you, they'll probably do it to you. Similar to the "if he was cheating on her with you, he'll cheat on you with her" circle.
I think that it's best to learn how to deal with anger and frustration towards each other through talking it through - when face to face, it's a lot harder to ignore someone for weeks without having really awkward consequences.
I know I sound very pessimistic - I'm not, I really believe that long distance can work with certain people and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. However, I'm also a believe in reality and that people's actions mean far more than simply their words. In the end, I'd say that you two need to have a long talk over the phone preferably or skype, and really get everything off your chests and set some boundaries. If you want to be with him and he wants to be with you, it's important to explain that. I've done long distance with a guy in the army though, and it's very difficult. He ended up getting paranoid when I'd go out with friends, and would constantly text me to make sure I wasn't talking to any guys - the "what if" can sometimes spin out of control.
I agree with you! That's why I'm leaning towards no. I would much rather just date than jump into anything. I like to know what I'm getting myself into. I have no problem living with him in the summer, but I'm not going to move over there and I keep discouraging him trying to come over here. He needs to finish college and I have other priorities. It can truly wait I think.
He has only said it about that girlfriend though. He broke up with his other girlfriend and started dating her a week or two later--she is honestly like a rebound and he NEVER talks about her and rarely mentions her. It's weird because he is usually much more expressive, especially with his last girlfriends. I think he would still rather be with the other ex in Finland, since he seems so passive about the current one. It's so weird and I told him I think he's doing it as a rebound and he didn't say anything. It's like I have to beat him with a bat to even talk about her; I think he's afraid of being a lone and much rather be with someone than with no one at all, which I did tell him and he tried to brush it off. I know I am right though.
I definitely will never do the long-distance thing though. I just cannot. It either is or isn't for me. I have a very black and white way of thinking when it comes to romantic stuff.
All of these reasons and the possibility that he does this with other people even though I've known him for years, is why I've said no.
05 Jul 2011, 1:14 am
