How can I tell if a man with AS is interested?

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biologic
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11 Jul 2011, 5:58 am

How can you tell if they're interested? Online and IRL? I don't know if he's diagnosed, but he's got a lot of aspie traits. Very clear...

I'm so bad at picking up subtle signals, and I'm afraid that he is too. I THINK that he's interested, but how can I be sure if he's too shy to say anything or make a move? Should I just ask him over? What if he says no? It's complicated, you see. If I say someting and he's not interested, it might ruin some things. :S



daspie
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11 Jul 2011, 6:09 am

Find some common ground, some common interest and try to meet him there. That way you can get him interested in you even if he is not so currently :-)



biologic
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11 Jul 2011, 6:18 am

daspie wrote:
Find some common ground, some common interest and try to meet him there. That way you can get him interested in you even if he is not so currently :-)


We do have a lot of common interests. And we do talk a lot about them online. He rarely asks me about things, but he initiates contact. Although I've noted that he usually writes small essays in response to me asking questions. It's so hard, I don't know. Seems like he's opened up a bit more lately, but I can be wrong. He probably wouldn't talk to me for hours and hours if he wasn't the slightest bit interested?



AnonymousPasserBy
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11 Jul 2011, 6:41 am

Ask him.
I don't know about this guy, but that's probably the easiest way somebody would figure out if I liked her, because I wouldn't get most of the subtle hints anyway.



biologic
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11 Jul 2011, 7:34 am

AnonymousPasserBy wrote:
Ask him.
I don't know about this guy, but that's probably the easiest way somebody would figure out if I liked her, because I wouldn't get most of the subtle hints anyway.


It's the blind leading the blind in this case.



OddFinn
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11 Jul 2011, 10:06 am

AnonymousPasserBy wrote:
Ask him.


^^ That. It is the simplest way to ask him directly, using clear words.


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pollyfinite
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11 Jul 2011, 10:25 am

My As asked if he could kiss me. It came out of nowhere, we were playing a game. I wasn't even aware he liked me.

They are usually direct if they aren't shy. Is he shy? You should just ask him. Are you shy? If you are both shy, I don't know how to do it indirectly. He might miss the cues. I would just ask him.


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daspie
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11 Jul 2011, 11:37 am

biologic wrote:
daspie wrote:
Find some common ground, some common interest and try to meet him there. That way you can get him interested in you even if he is not so currently :-)


We do have a lot of common interests. And we do talk a lot about them online. He rarely asks me about things, but he initiates contact. Although I've noted that he usually writes small essays in response to me asking questions. It's so hard, I don't know. Seems like he's opened up a bit more lately, but I can be wrong. He probably wouldn't talk to me for hours and hours if he wasn't the slightest bit interested?

I won't suggest you to ask him directly because if he is not interested in you then he may see you as an opportunity to for time pass. Tactfully bring him to most serious topics of life like job, getting married, having kids etc, but again do it very tactfully.
Do it like this- ask him about his high school time, his favorite topic(s) in school, then in college, college life(you can tell him about some story about your ex-boyfriend and make up story even if you do not have one!), employment, future plans.
Best of luck.



Graelwyn
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11 Jul 2011, 7:36 pm

It was the blind leading the blind in my case also, seeing as I am seeing an aspie male.
He simply sort of kissed me one evening, that and he stopped to talk to me every day initially, and then invited me round one afternoon.
I have never felt able to ask if he likes me, lol, I simply exercised patience until it became really obvious he must do.


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Lonermutant
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12 Jul 2011, 6:28 am

biologic wrote:
How can you tell if they're interested? Online and IRL? I don't know if he's diagnosed, but he's got a lot of aspie traits. Very clear...

I'm so bad at picking up subtle signals, and I'm afraid that he is too. I THINK that he's interested, but how can I be sure if he's too shy to say anything or make a move? Should I just ask him over? What if he says no? It's complicated, you see. If I say someting and he's not interested, it might ruin some things. :S


Show cleavage? Initiate sex?



daspie
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12 Jul 2011, 10:14 am

Lonermutant wrote:
biologic wrote:
How can you tell if they're interested? Online and IRL? I don't know if he's diagnosed, but he's got a lot of aspie traits. Very clear...

I'm so bad at picking up subtle signals, and I'm afraid that he is too. I THINK that he's interested, but how can I be sure if he's too shy to say anything or make a move? Should I just ask him over? What if he says no? It's complicated, you see. If I say someting and he's not interested, it might ruin some things. :S


Show cleavage? Initiate sex?

I don't think it is a right idea, this will portray you as someone wanting just a physical short term relationship and not a long term one and the guy may get interested in you just for sexual purposes.



metaphysics
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12 Jul 2011, 10:37 am

daspie wrote:
I don't think it is a right idea, this will portray you as someone wanting just a physical short term relationship and not a long term one and the guy may get interested in you just for sexual purposes.


Alas...

This is what I thought, but that was what I did.....

However, they can be different from what you think..



daspie
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12 Jul 2011, 11:29 am

metaphysics wrote:
daspie wrote:
I don't think it is a right idea, this will portray you as someone wanting just a physical short term relationship and not a long term one and the guy may get interested in you just for sexual purposes.


Alas...

This is what I thought, but that was what I did.....

However, they can be different from what you think..

I gave a majority opinion :).



Lonermutant
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12 Jul 2011, 12:00 pm

metaphysics wrote:
daspie wrote:
I don't think it is a right idea, this will portray you as someone wanting just a physical short term relationship and not a long term one and the guy may get interested in you just for sexual purposes.


Alas...

This is what I thought, but that was what I did.....

However, they can be different from what you think..


It probably depends if he's well functioning socially or not. If he is well functioning, as I suspect in this case, it shouldn't be a problem.



spongy
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12 Jul 2011, 4:48 pm

*Sarcasm alert*This is going to sound odd but Ive been told that if you ask someone if they are interested most people would reply truthfully unless they were afraid of their feelings*end of sarcasm*


Now seriously you dont have to ask him about his feelings towards you but asking him to hang out with you(couple activities are a plus)eventually sends the right idea.
Ever heard of the word coffee/insert beverage of choice here Ive been told that asking him to have one with you can be quite helpfull.

In case he doesnt get it being a little blunt wont hurt you.



CrinklyCrustacean
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14 Jul 2011, 5:10 am

spongy wrote:
Now seriously you dont have to ask him about his feelings towards you but asking him to hang out with you(couple activities are a plus)eventually sends the right idea.
Ever heard of the word coffee/insert beverage of choice here Ive been told that asking him to have one with you can be quite helpfull.

This reminds me of the scene in The Big Bang Theory where a girl at the university offers to buy Sheldon a pizza for supper and makes it clear (though indirect) that she is asking him on a date. Sheldon agrees, Leonard says, "Sheldon, do you know what just happened?" and Sheldon replies, "Yeah, I got free pizza!!" :lol: