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AlphaSister
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30 Aug 2011, 3:35 pm

My sister has been diagnosed with Aspergers and while it is a relief to finally know what is going on she has used it as an excuse for everything from slouching to not following through on appointments. Yesterday I caught her in an outright, baldfaced lie-is that at all related to her Aspergers?



TallyMan
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30 Aug 2011, 3:44 pm

I'd say it is not related. Both NTs and Aspies lie, sometimes small white lies sometimes whoppers! However, overall I'd say Aspies tend to be more brutally honest than liars. We don't tend to sugar coat what we think or say to make it socially acceptable. Personally I find it difficult to lie, I'm a stickler for precision and truth; but others mileage may vary.


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30 Aug 2011, 3:50 pm

I'd say that Asperger's is more associated with honesty than lying.

Most aspies lie sometimes, but not more than other people, in fact stereotypically much lower than other people.



Manguy89
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30 Aug 2011, 4:13 pm

Yeah aspies are usually to honest... However she might have been trying to be sarcastic or joking and you mistook it for lying. I know so of the things I say when I'm joking are taken at face value because I dont make facial expressions



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30 Aug 2011, 4:14 pm

No lying is not related to Asperger's.



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30 Aug 2011, 4:26 pm

Aspies are more honest than most people.


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30 Aug 2011, 4:29 pm

The better adjusted to society I get, the more effectively I can lie. I'm not saying that because it impresses staunch Aspies on here, I'm saying it because it's true. I used to not be able to lie without shaking in my boots. Now I can lie without missing a beat.



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30 Aug 2011, 4:31 pm

Mindslave wrote:
Now I can lie without missing a beat.


I don't believe you. I think you are lying! :P


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30 Aug 2011, 4:39 pm

AlphaSister wrote:
My sister has been diagnosed with Aspergers and while it is a relief to finally know what is going on she has used it as an excuse for everything from slouching to not following through on appointments. Yesterday I caught her in an outright, baldfaced lie-is that at all related to her Aspergers?


Apparently you still don't really know what's going on.

While intentional fabrication is unusual among those with AS (truth is, we don't process fast enough to be so glib and facile on our feet), problems with disclosure are not unusual. When you spend your life being pressured and bullied by everyone around you to do things that you CANNOT do, its natural to learn to make excuses they can understand, since they can't comprehend (and don't care) about your own frustration and anxiety (not to mention the depression it causes).

One learns to keep to oneself and not tell others anything that is not strictly 'need-to-know'. It does no good to try to explain to others that you're having an anxiety attack because a situation that seems simple and everyday to them is OVERWHELMING to you. They'll just 'pooh-pooh' whatever you say and tell you you're being stupid or whiny or stubborn or lazy or some other word that means WEAK and LOSER.


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30 Aug 2011, 5:36 pm

Quote:
an excuse for everything from slouching to not following through on appointments


Both of those actually can be caused by AS. Slouching can be related to the poor motor skills and hypotonia common in AS. And not following through on appointments is often caused by executive dysfunction.

What if she's not using it as an excuse, but rather just finding out how many seemingly-unrelated things can all be caused by AS?



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30 Aug 2011, 5:48 pm

Some people lie, some people don't, regardless of any diagnoses in my view.


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30 Aug 2011, 6:27 pm

My father would accuse me of lying whenever I told the truth, so I started to lie because I thought there was a "right answer" to give him. Naturally, there wasn't. Nothing I said was good enough or true enough.

As far as it goes, I don't see why it is so difficult to accept that Asperger's interferes with things like posture (this is actually fairly common) and organizational skills? Does having a label mean you need to be just like everyone else and so the label can explain nothing at all? Seems pointless to have the label then.



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30 Aug 2011, 6:54 pm

AlphaSister wrote:
My sister has been diagnosed with Aspergers and while it is a relief to finally know what is going on she has used it as an excuse for everything from slouching to not following through on appointments. Yesterday I caught her in an outright, baldfaced lie-is that at all related to her Aspergers?


Well it would make more sense that something like depression could contribute to slouching and not following through on appointments...though social anxiety could also make it hard to follow through with appointments considering the nature of the appointment.

Are you sure she is intentionally lying? or is she not very clear on what the symptoms for AS are but assumes all her issues can be blamed on it...because it is a disorder and the only one she was diagnosed with. If she is actually lying though then I do not think that is nessisarly an AS trait.

I am editing this on account of another post....I can't say AS would never contribute to those things, but if not the AS, depression would make sense for those and anxiety would make sense as well for the not following through on appointments.



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30 Aug 2011, 7:02 pm

I think it would be better to say some with AS lie and some don't...not all of us are more honest then most people. I am honest when I can be but that is not always an option and not always the best choice in a given senerio. It used to be more difficult for me because I would get anxious that someone would find out I was lying because doing something wrong=consequences...much like in some religions sin=hell and that stopped working on me after a while....and now I can fairly easily lie if that is the better choice in a situation.

But yeah I also sort of include just not mentioning things in this catagory.....like if I go to my friends house for the weekend I don't mention that I will also be smoking cannabis to my mom because i would prefer it if she does not know at this point. Also if I am smoking a ciggerette and my little brother comes out and asks me what I am doing I am not going to tell him I was smoking a ciggerette because he does not need to see me doing that and think its cool or anything.....I don't want him go get hooked on that to.



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30 Aug 2011, 8:00 pm

I had always thought that people with Asperger's are less likely to lie because: 1: We're supposed to be more "moral" than regular people and see things in black and white i.e. lying is bad, evil, always wrong, even if it's a "white lie" and 2: Even when we DO lie, we're not very good at it because we have trouble pretending to be truthful. But maybe that's just me(?) Or maybe people with AS are often thought to be lying because they have trouble making eye contact. I used to really have a problem with eye contact not because I was hiding something, which I wasn't, but because the shrinks I used to see were acting very stern and cold and therefore I felt like I was on trial or being interrogated for a crime instead of just having a "session".



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30 Aug 2011, 8:04 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
I had always thought that people with Asperger's are less likely to lie because: 1: We're supposed to be more "moral" than regular people and see things in black and white i.e. lying is bad, evil, always wrong, even if it's a "white lie" and 2: Even when we DO lie, we're not very good at it because we have trouble pretending to be truthful. But maybe that's just me(?) Or maybe people with AS are often thought to be lying because they have trouble making eye contact. I used to really have a problem with eye contact not because I was hiding something, which I wasn't, but because the shrinks I used to see were acting very stern and cold and therefore I felt like I was on trial or being interrogated for a crime instead of just having a "session".


It is intresting I do not see things in black and white..more like various shades of grey, though sometimes that can be an issue because then I over-analize all the possibilites that come to mind. I come of as odd in general so I feel people don't know how to go about determining if I am being honest or not, so I must not be to bad at pretending to be totally truthful.

The eye contact thing could be part of it....some people think no eye contact=lying.