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Mommaof3
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06 Sep 2011, 11:32 am

Hi... My name is Eryn and I'm a mother of three great kids. Ever since my oldest son was born I knew something was different about him. He has, (from what I've found out from research) a lot of signs of autism. The more and more I research though the more I wonder if *I* may have autism as well. I took him to his pediatrician for help and a referral and they made me feel like something was wrong with him (like he is crazy or a threat to others which he is not) and he may be a threat to himself. I was shocked, angry, hurt, confused, insulted by the way they treated him and I stopped going there. This happened in June. I know I need to get him help especially if he does have autism or another condition so I have another appointment set up with someone else coming up. I am not looking forward to going through this again. In all honesty I'm still angry and defensive. I don't know what to do about myself either. I feel embarrassed. What if I'm wrong, what if they think I'm crazy? I've taken 7 of the tests that are posted in one of your threads and all of them say I have strong indications of autism. I failed miserably on all the emotional tests which shocked me. I thought I understood people but the more and more I read the more I think, "omg that is me". In fact, on the aspie test I burst out crying because there were so many things that I checked yes to that have made me feel alone and like a freak for years. I feel like I am getting worse the older I get. I feel more alone, isolated and frustrated as time goes on. My husband is in the army and I am having the hardest time dealing with it. I can't take the change, the moving is fine but I don't talk to people and I have no friends. Almost everything is overwhelming and I am getting so tired of it. The few times I've had the chance to make friends I've gotten annoyed and felt bombarded or stalked honestly. I like to be alone. I know the way I feel isn't what is supposed to be normal. I'm sorry if I am going on here but I feel lost. I don't know where to go from here or how to even ask a doctor about this. How am I supposed to bring this up? What if I'm wrong? What if they think I'm nuts? I don't even trust my doctor. Every time I even think about it I feel overwhelmed and freaked out. Where do I begin?



purchase
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06 Sep 2011, 11:41 am

Hello Eryn! Believe me I was overcome when I first thought there could be something "wrong" about me. And I didn't believe my diagnosis at first. But if you do turn out to be on the autistic side of things... well it's no worse or better than not being on it, inherently. It just causes more challenges cause of living in a predominantly non-autistic societal structure. Not challenges that can't be overcome, as hard as they can be at times. And they can be very hard. I think there are distinct benefits to every neurology. Anyway yes. Maybe you could ask for referrals in your area to doctors who are knowledgeable about autism and Asperger's. www.grasp.org has lists you can sign up for to talk to people locally/attend group meetings. Well anyway welcome here! :)



animalcrackers
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06 Sep 2011, 12:24 pm

Mommaof3 wrote:
Every time I even think about it I feel overwhelmed and freaked out. Where do I begin?


It's understandable that you'd feel overwhelmed. I had something of a breakdown when I started suspecting I had an ASD--life was already difficult and confusing, more and more so as adulthood demanded more and more of me (hence the suspicion of ASD).....thinking about all the "why" behind my issues and about getting a diagnosis was overwhelming.

Mommaof3 wrote:
How am I supposed to bring this up? What if I'm wrong? What if they think I'm nuts? I don't even trust my doctor.


If you don't have autism, that doesn't mean that everything you know about yourself is wrong--your experience is real, even if your symptoms are "sub-clinical" (not severe enough for diagnosis).

Any reasonable professional will hear you out and be willing to discuss your concerns, rather than jumping to conclusions about you (i.e. thinking that you're nuts).

I think that a specialist in autism spectrum disorders would be most likely to take your concerns seriously....so like purchase, I suggest looking for one if you can.

In general, whether you talk to your doctor or to a different clinician, it can be helpful to write out a list of the autism symptoms that you experience and the ways that they impact your life--and to bring it along to your appointment. A good doctor should at least hear you out--if they don't, it doesn't mean you're crazy or that your concerns aren't legitimate--it means that particular doctor wasn't willing to listen to you.