Working with women who discuss their periods?

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thewhitrbbit
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01 Jul 2012, 9:58 pm

Quote:
"I'm going to bleed period blood and shove a tampon in myself."


That comment is def inappropriate. That said, I work in an office full of women and it can become a litany of gynecological issues.

I look on it as a learning experience; but I do find it unusual for a girl to be that blunt.



edgewaters
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01 Jul 2012, 10:34 pm

chaotik_lord wrote:
She's been a little peeved at me lately. She turned to me and said "I'm going to bleed period blood and shove a tampon in myself."


When people are inappropriate with me and try to get a rise out of me, I just give them the same in return, if I can think fast enough. "When you're done, put it in the garbage." (pause for effect). "Where it belongs." Yes that sort of thing is cruel, but it's the same cruelty in return. You have to defend yourself sometimes, or people will walk all over you.



BigBadBrad
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04 Jul 2012, 8:32 am

I am not sure how anyone can find the coworker/employee's comments relayed by the OP to be anything but offensive. If the woman needed time, she could have been less graphic about it, and when she was made aware that she was bothering him she purposefully went the other way and that is harassment; she absolutely would have been reprimanded in my present workplace.
To put the shoe on the other foot, if a female came into my office to meet with me and I said, "please excuse me for not standing up to greet you, I have a nasty hemmoroid and I am pretty sure its about to burst" or "pardon my morning wood, its natural", it probably wouldn't go over so well. Sure, its natural, and common, but the first part of that statement is adequate. Can I as a male make the comment that a woman in my workplace is looking or smelling fertile? Hell no. I think that speaking about personal details like menstruation in a professional office is equally unacceptable; I think it is as sexist to speak about those details in a professional office as it is to request someone ignore them altogether.
In any office I have been in the work has been done by people, not specifically women or men, and to introduce a gender bias is sexist and offensive regardless of the gender being promoted. If someone requires extra loo time for personal/health reasons fine, but the details are not the responsibility of the supervisor or foreperson or whatever.



EMTkid
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06 Jul 2012, 8:46 am

In general, yes, it is a personal situation and should remain so unless it is pertinent. As a paramedic, it can be an important thing for you partner (male or female) to know because if you have a lot of problems with it like I do it can effect your physical abilities. 3 weeks out of the month I can out-lift most of the men I work with. But that one week, my back hurts so bad and I'm weak as a kitten. I can't afford to call in sick a quarter of the time, so it is important for my partner to know when I am not at my best, just as it is important for me to know that he twisted his ankle sliding into home at his church-league softball game that week. It will make a difference in which of us goes over the hill to work on the patient in the car in the creek and which one stays topside and passes down supplies and a rope. It is a condition that affects one's physical abilities and if physical capability is part of the job, you need to be aware.

That week, my partner goes down in the creek, lifts the heavy end of the stretcher, and understands why I have to stop at the bathroom twice as frequently, just as I do the same when his back flares up on him.



muslimmetalhead
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06 Jul 2012, 3:56 pm

chaotik_lord wrote:
As a gay man, I find it disgusting.

As a prude and a boss, I find it inappropriate.
I'm not sure if I can complain, or if my complaint would be construed as harassment!

One of my employees asked if she could get the other staff member to wait for a moment while she went to the restroom (this was where I felt the statement should have ended) because she was "on her period and bleeding like crazy." This seemed unnecessary, and I asked her not to discuss her period in front of me, and reminded her that her graphic description wasn't appropriate.

She's been a little peeved at me lately. She turned to me and said "I'm going to bleed period blood and shove a tampon in myself."

Is it really ok for women to discuss these things in mixed company, especially if I've expressed that it makes me uncomfortable? I really, really hate when women do this, and my last problem employee who was female also intentionally expressed similar things. Can I say anything to my bosses?


As a straight man, I find it disgusting.
As a human being, I find it perplexing and peculiar.


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redrobin62
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07 Jul 2012, 12:58 pm

I worked with a lot of women. I didn't have a choice being a nurse. The ones who did get close to me would casually mention things like that. I usually had a comeback, something along the lines of, "You're trying to make me vomit?" My odd, out of kilter phrases were known as "robinisms." You heard them a lot where I worked.



hanyo
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07 Jul 2012, 2:12 pm

SilasP wrote:
Yes. She wants her supervisor to know that she was exiting the work area to take care of a hygienic emergency, not something that could wait until later.


That is what I was thinking. Something similar could be said by either gender with bowel troubles if they anticipate being discouraged from taking needed restroom breaks.

Having your period shouldn't be treated as some shameful secret thing that can never be spoken of. I remember having a male teacher when I was in sixth grade that said you shouldn't ask to go to the nurse unless you had broken bones or were bleeding. I wasn't going to tell him where I was bleeding from. I ended up having to skip school and walk home because I couldn't ask.



Projectile
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13 Jul 2012, 12:52 am

chaotik_lord wrote:
As a gay man, I find it disgusting.

As a prude and a boss, I find it inappropriate. I'm not sure if I can complain, or if my complaint would be construed as harassment!

One of my employees asked if she could get the other staff member to wait for a moment while she went to the restroom (this was where I felt the statement should have ended) because she was "on her period and bleeding like crazy." This seemed unnecessary, and I asked her not to discuss her period in front of me, and reminded her that her graphic description wasn't appropriate.

She's been a little peeved at me lately. She turned to me and said "I'm going to bleed period blood and shove a tampon in myself."

Is it really ok for women to discuss these things in mixed company, especially if I've expressed that it makes me uncomfortable? I really, really hate when women do this, and my last problem employee who was female also intentionally expressed similar things. Can I say anything to my bosses?



OMG just deal with it.



opal
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13 Jul 2012, 3:02 am

I think her comment was inappropriate for a work setting, but I think the way she went on about it was more inappropriate ie deliberatly to get a rise out of you. As someone here once said " WE all have a***holes but most of us cover them up" Some stuff is just not appropriate to broadcast and is on a need to know basis.

On the other side of the coin, if you are the boss, you will probably have to get over your disgust at bodily functions - because someone might have to give you a medical note prohibiting them from lifting due to haemarhoids or some other "disgusting" reason

edited for inverted commas



Last edited by opal on 15 Jul 2012, 5:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

Projectile
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13 Jul 2012, 3:49 am

either get a sense of humor or ignore it..

maybe take some time to figure out what you have against women

good luck



baboontalk
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15 Jul 2012, 2:13 am

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww only young school gals will talk loud about their period.
Working adults are mature enought o handle this kind of talks in public...shame on ur collegue



sweetcakes
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04 Aug 2012, 11:28 pm

As a straight woman (I'm being funny- sexual orientation shouldn't have anything to do with it), I think its vulgar and low class (That's kind of how I was raised- no one really wants to hear the intimate details of our bodily functions). However, that being said, it's amazing how many vulgar and low class people are out there, even highly educated ones! It's also a little bit cultural. Out here in California it's a lot looser all around. There is a lot more of what I would call, "inappropriateness" and a lack of professionalism out here in my line of work.

I will say that when I was younger and worked in a restaurant (in the Mid West) most of us (mostly) women spoke way too freely about ALL of this stuff. We did it because we were young and had no clue AND because we outnumbered any guys there and I think we kind of reveled in our power to turn the tables and be inappropriate together- much the way that groups of young (and not-so-young) men do ALL THE TIME it seems like. Stupid? Yes, but there you have it.

All in all, at the end of the day, I think it's best to just roll your eyes at something like this, or say kind of jokingly, "TMI (too much information!)" and hope they get it. At least the people standing around will get that you are saying it's inappropriate. Now that she knows it bothers you, she'll probably continue to be immature by mentioning it. I actually think it's a kind of sexual harassment. It could be likened to a guy saying something about his parts just to get a rise out of me, ie to power trip- not cool. BUT- (a big but) It is ALMOST NEVER WORTH IT TO get into a big thing over something like this even tho it is kind of sex harassment. I would say ignore it and treat her as the age she is acting- 12.



Kiddymonster6
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20 Aug 2012, 10:38 am

i don't get periods because I am on depo contraceptive injection but even if I did I would not discuss this loudly in public especially not in the presence of male co workers.

i once worked with a girl who was always discussing her sex life publicly, not going into graphic detail but it was still highly annoying. i blanked her out and carried on with my work. i didn't know about ASDs then so did not even have any idea that I could be an aspie

I have known male office workers discuss what female celebs make them want to wank within earshot of female colleagues but if we were to discuss which male celebs made us wet then we would get in trouble.

I can't stand prudes. It is time they woke up and realised the stork did not leave them behind the gooseeberry bush. then they wonder why their partners leave them for real men i.e ones who can cope with more than the missionary position. I write erotic fiction and love it and wish all prudes would join a closed silent religious order so they don't bother those of us who arebnt scared to discuss such things. It is 2012 not 1812.



sweetcakes
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20 Aug 2012, 8:54 pm

To Kiddymonster-

I think ppl throw that word, "prude" and "uptight," around a bit too much bcs it usually means that ppl dont agree with your definition of what's OK to talk about and what's not. Though I guess using the word, "inappropriate" has the same effect...that's why I tried to show the regional and cultural relativism of the word- (Mid west versus california, etc).

Thats also why sexual harassment laws usually boil down to- if I say, "it's bothering me, please stop." then you ARE required to stop. What makes me feel uncomfortable might NOT make another woman uncomfortable. But I dont think one woman should be judged for her perception by being called a "prude". (which has happened to me at work when two guys pulled what I interpreted as a sexual power trip/power play- then Im criticized because I'm not OK with it- basically Im put in a lose-lose position- this is actually a kind of CLASSIC sexual harassment!!)

Sexuality is a tricky one at the workplace because its so primal, so loaded with emotions, and past hurts and frustrations all at once! That's why ppl need to be careful and sensitive about it- Ie "professional"! !



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21 Aug 2012, 2:58 pm

Having a woman talk about her period shouldn't make you more uncomfortable than having a man or woman talk about taking a piss. It's a thing that has to do with babies, but a period in and of itself just isn't sexual. I think that when she back-talked to you she was trying to get you feel comfortable about that; she was crude about it because it isn't a 'sensitive' topic and it shouldn't be sensitive. It's just a thing, it IS just shoving a tampon up her vagina. She was obviously offended by what you said or how you said it. I'm kinda of offended that you seem to think it's a sexual thing, and that you bring that you are a not just a man, but a gay man.
I'm with in that it isn't really something you want to hear. But it's gross to talk about it because there's innards oozing out of your body. If you find it gross or disturbing for any other reason, like that it has something to do with *gasp* sex, you should try and change that.
There just isn't an equivalent in a man, unfortunately, to really make a comparison to. Morning wood would be the closest, since it can happen without sexual arousal, but it's still not quite the same.

Of course it isn't sexual harassment, because it shouldn't have anything to do with sex in the first place.
Also don't rebuke people in public. That's just asking for people to push back at you. Not that she should have done that anyways, just saying that it would be less likely to happen in private.


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23 Aug 2012, 1:53 pm

one time when I was in highschool i saw a girl that I thought i kind of liked. I approached her and introduced myself and said a few things to talk to her. Then one of her friends came to her and asked her what's up and the girl said she was having her period. I thought it was rude because if she wasn't interested she should just tell me instead of saying something as horrible as that as a way to let me know she's not interested.


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