Working with women who discuss their periods?

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Sweetleaf
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15 Sep 2011, 11:25 am

leozelig wrote:
I think that's disrespectful-- and if the tables were turned, if it were a man saying something about his bodily functions to a woman, he would get in trouble.


According to who?...I guess I just don't see why normal bodily functions are offensive, I mean I just really cannot wrap my mind around normal things that happen to most people being veiwed as offensive to discuss. Are natural body functions the new taboo or something? I don't know it just confuses me.



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17 Sep 2011, 7:32 pm

Not even Einstein could understand women.

Mark a repeating entry in your diary every 28 days for a 1 week period starting perhaps 9 days BEFORE her comment (which was perhaps day 3). This will approximate her PMT phase so you may be able to track her mood and understand her behaviour a little better. It will get out of sync over time, but if she keeps making this comment you will be able to correct any drift.

At the very least this should give you say 21 days out of 28 when you should feel safe from these comments so you can relax a little.

Be sure to make it a private entry and use a code that only you understand, otherwise you could be in BIG trouble.

Probably not best to say something like "but you're day 17 in your cycle" next time she says something similar. There's a difference between what you know and what you can say.

I used to do this for my wife, hee hee hee, but nowadays she seems to have PMT 29 days out of 28!! !

The phrase "That's probably more information than I need" might defuse the situation should it happen again.



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19 Sep 2011, 9:10 pm

Perhaps at a work place, this subject matter is not approprete unless its fairly private and under wraps. This only being that I dont think any discussion of bodily fluids (or sex) should be discussed in a work place.

But in general, I see why you might be uncomfortable with discussing periods in mixed company. I dont see why it should be wrong, cause guys should have some basic knowledge of periods so understand the effects of women. I would not have a problem with men discussing subjects such as erectile dysfunction in front of me. Theres nothing wrong with these topics. We should all have some basic knowledge of bodily functions.

Then again, being a work place and the enviorenment is a bit more formal, these topics shouldnt be discussed. Perhaps outside the workplace, its fine in my book. But Im not prude, Im young and I have no problem discussing 99% of the taboo subjects out there.



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21 Sep 2011, 7:20 pm

I agree with what others have said: she may have become more inappropriate in response to how you addressed the concern. I can't tell you how many times co-workers have explained to me that they have the trots, etc, to explain excessive seeming bathroom visits. As far as the prostate simile, that might make me squeamish but I don't think it would be inappropriate. When we work in an office 9+ hours a day an share a small place and are aware of things such as bathroom visits, it does come up. Don't hide behind your sexuality. Plenty of gay men don't find menstruation terribly offensive, and plenty of straight men do.
If ALL bodily functions are offensive to you, not only those specific to females (as the whole pretense of this post suggests) then you need to make it clear that you fins bathroom talk inappropriate for ALL employees, at ALL TIMES.

Ease excuse my typing errors, I'm writing feo
A phone.



Fullofstars
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21 Sep 2011, 7:26 pm

Oh, the irony of that final, butchered sentence

Anyway. I want to be clear: I font know exactly how you confronted her, what you said, or how you said it. Maybe you were professional, respectful, and well within the guidelines of male/female workplace discourse. I just hope you'll take a minute to reflect and be honest with yourself if that wasn't the case.



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21 Sep 2011, 8:41 pm

As a menstrual activist I'd point out that regardless of your sexual orientation, sex or gender there is nothing 'disgusting' about menstruation and implying otherwise is disrespectful to us women as it in turn implies that our bodies are 'disgusting'. There's no reason in this day and age for a woman not to discuss such a subject in front of men, and women need to be able to discuss such things openly as for too long there have been taboos surrounding women's bodies which have cost women their happiness, health and even lives.

HOWEVER - in this situation, she's being inappropriate.

I don't discuss my own personal cycles (unless needed), and although I will discuss the subject with colleagues (male and female - usually male given as generally females have more hang-ups about this subject then men), I would never discuss the actual act of bleeding - it's like the difference between talking about sex and graphically describing a sex act. If asked not to discuss such things then a person shouldn't carry on - doing so could count as sexual harassment.

This woman was being crude, and you were well within your rights to ask her not to talk like that around you, and the second comment was completely unnecessary. She may well have been responding to you're initial request if your tone or language was offensive (e.g. showing your 'disgust') or if she felt embarrassed, however more likely is that she's saying this to you to get a reaction and being disrespectful. Such a comment is a more civilised version of L7's Donita Sparks infamous tampon stunt at Reading Festival, what this woman you work with was doing was essentially saying a big F*** YOU!...THAT is what makes it inappropriate.

She made a jab at you, but you need to let it roll off your back - only raise it with superiors if it carries on (and I doubt it will).


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TheFangirl
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22 Sep 2011, 7:30 am

Bloodheart wrote:
As a menstrual activist I'd point out that regardless of your sexual orientation, sex or gender there is nothing 'disgusting' about menstruation and implying otherwise is disrespectful to us women as it in turn implies that our bodies are 'disgusting'. There's no reason in this day and age for a woman not to discuss such a subject in front of men, and women need to be able to discuss such things openly as for too long there have been taboos surrounding women's bodies which have cost women their happiness, health and even lives.
I'm a woman and I completely disagree with you. Maybe you don't find your period disgusting, but mine is pretty messy and frankly I don't like the smell which I've been told over and over again is in my head and nobody else can smell it. Whatever, I can smell it and it's gross. I don't want to hear about anyone's periods, other bathroom activities or the details of childbirth. Sorry, it's just gross and not for mixed company and especially not in a professional setting like work.


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Bloodheart
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22 Sep 2011, 4:21 pm

TheFangirl wrote:
Bloodheart wrote:
As a menstrual activist I'd point out that regardless of your sexual orientation, sex or gender there is nothing 'disgusting' about menstruation and implying otherwise is disrespectful to us women as it in turn implies that our bodies are 'disgusting'. There's no reason in this day and age for a woman not to discuss such a subject in front of men, and women need to be able to discuss such things openly as for too long there have been taboos surrounding women's bodies which have cost women their happiness, health and even lives.
I'm a woman and I completely disagree with you. Maybe you don't find your period disgusting, but mine is pretty messy and frankly I don't like the smell which I've been told over and over again is in my head and nobody else can smell it. Whatever, I can smell it and it's gross. I don't want to hear about anyone's periods, other bathroom activities or the details of childbirth. Sorry, it's just gross and not for mixed company and especially not in a professional setting like work.


You're free to think of yourself as gross, and if you don't want to talk about menstruation then that's fine, but no one has a right to tell any woman that their body is disgusting, that idea is not fact but comes from sexist and ignorant taboos. People are free to talk about these issues as they're important to our lives and health, talking about menstruation has led to women feeling more positive about their bodies, having happier periods, finding ways to stop periods being messy, smelly, painful, etc. and has lead to action that has saved lives.

As I pointed out, in some professional settings it may not appropriate conversation and if someone asks another to stop talking about such things then people should stop, that doesn't mean that women should never discuss this subject or feel ashamed.


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TheFangirl
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22 Sep 2011, 5:51 pm

Bloodheart wrote:
TheFangirl wrote:
Bloodheart wrote:
As a menstrual activist I'd point out that regardless of your sexual orientation, sex or gender there is nothing 'disgusting' about menstruation and implying otherwise is disrespectful to us women as it in turn implies that our bodies are 'disgusting'. There's no reason in this day and age for a woman not to discuss such a subject in front of men, and women need to be able to discuss such things openly as for too long there have been taboos surrounding women's bodies which have cost women their happiness, health and even lives.
I'm a woman and I completely disagree with you. Maybe you don't find your period disgusting, but mine is pretty messy and frankly I don't like the smell which I've been told over and over again is in my head and nobody else can smell it. Whatever, I can smell it and it's gross. I don't want to hear about anyone's periods, other bathroom activities or the details of childbirth. Sorry, it's just gross and not for mixed company and especially not in a professional setting like work.


You're free to think of yourself as gross, and if you don't want to talk about menstruation then that's fine, but no one has a right to tell any woman that their body is disgusting
It's absurd to equate a period being gross to a person or their body being gross. By saying I don't want to hear about periods I am by NO MEANS saying that the person talking about it is gross. If you take it that way, then that's just overly sensitive.


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whitelightning777
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05 Oct 2011, 5:31 am

It could be sexual harassment. On the other hand, if they are really hurting and upset I just smile and say that I hope they get well soon so they are back to their normal self. The understated approach appears to work. I don't get pulled in to discussing my own medical issues.

Maybe ask your boss what to do.

Make sure that you aren't being ignorant yourself, such as putting up risque pictures in the work place or using harsh language.

Encourage them to see a doctor and not to come to work if they are sick.



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05 Oct 2011, 7:10 am

chaotik_lord wrote:
As a gay man, I find it disgusting.

As a prude and a boss, I find it inappropriate. I'm not sure if I can complain, or if my complaint would be construed as harassment!

One of my employees asked if she could get the other staff member to wait for a moment while she went to the restroom (this was where I felt the statement should have ended) because she was "on her period and bleeding like crazy." This seemed unnecessary, and I asked her not to discuss her period in front of me, and reminded her that her graphic description wasn't appropriate.

She's been a little peeved at me lately. She turned to me and said "I'm going to bleed period blood and shove a tampon in myself."

Is it really ok for women to discuss these things in mixed company, especially if I've expressed that it makes me uncomfortable? I really, really hate when women do this, and my last problem employee who was female also intentionally expressed similar things. Can I say anything to my bosses?

This reminds me of a time when a co-worker (great big male) was going off to the Supermarket to get some lunch and another co-worker asked if he could pick her up some Tampons, he was disgusted and horrified, it was quite odd I thought, and kindof funny.
A bit pathetic really, but I guess thats besides the point..
Your employee is now deliberately taunting you to get back at you, because of the tactless way you asked her not to talk about that stuff in front of you, which has upset her and possible embarrassed her too.
Wait it out, but if it persists maybe apologise in case you 'unintentionally hurt her feelings' and explain your point of view more carefully.
If that doesn't work and it really does bother you, you could go to your bosses, but TBH they will probably think you are a goober and needlessly causing trouble, which wont do you any favours.



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29 Jun 2012, 7:49 am

CanadianRose wrote:

However, I am MORE concerned that you specifically told the employee that this kind of talk makes you uncomfortable and she PURPOSELY used this kind of talk in order to PURPOSELY make you uncomfortable or intimidate you. It would not matter whether the subject was menstruation, the condition of one's prostate, or a graphic description of what sex act was engaged in one last night's hot date.


This.

Something made you uncomfortable and she mentioned it again. Not cool. Though, it's a natural occurrence... why do periods bother you? It happens, just like people piss. I don't care if it's mixed company. Periods make some girls uncomfortable just like male problems make some men uncomfortable. It's TMI among co-workers. If you're friends, fine, talk about personal issues like that. But, just professional co-workers? It's TMI.

Perhaps you said it to her harshly or in an embarrassing manner. Maybe go to her in private, apologize for sounding harsh, and try to explain yourself.

Perhaps the first time she was expressing the urgency of the need to be excused. If you had, say, IBS or the runs, you might say something similar, no?

Do I think people should avoid saying "hang on, I've got the runs" or "hang on, I've bleeding out my vaj" at work? Of course.

It's certainly NOT professional to talk about piss, feces, periods, kidney stones, snot, anul rupture, and other personal problems at work.
I don't call it sexual harassment, obviously. It's just improper workplace etiquette. No, periods aren't anything to be shameful of, but I don't need to hear about anything you stick up yourself or anything that excretes from *any* of your holes or crevices.

It's not professional, and it's way too much information to talk about at work... whether about periods or getting hard or having the runs or... whatever else.

People shouldn't be talking about anything-- blood, piss, sperm, poop, kindey stones, etc.-- excreting from their privates at work. It's not polite or professional. Asking them not to talk about it has to be handled tactfully in private.

Likewise, profane language and sex and religion and money are generally "no-no" topics at work.

Encourage them to see a doctor? What?? It's a period. It's heavy. That happens. A doctor can't do anything other than birth control pills.
If women had to miss work during every period, offices would have a lot of absent employees.
If a women is dedicated enough to come to work when she's bleeding heavily (and shoving a tampon up her hoo-hoo), give her credit and respect. It takes a lot to show up at work when you're feeling like that.



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29 Jun 2012, 7:54 am

SilasP wrote:
Yes. She wants her supervisor to know that she was exiting the work area to take care of a hygienic emergency, not something that could wait until later.


That's likely why she said that.

And, if you're going to hold women to the standard of not talking about bodily functions, I hope you hold men to the same standard about not talking about bodily functions.



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30 Jun 2012, 11:23 am

I've noticed a bit of contradiction in this thread, of people saying that it isn't a disgusting bodily function, and that it's natural...and at the same time saying that it's inappropriate to discuss in the workplace. What makes it inappropriate? Disgust.

As for the "it's natural" argument - fungus growing in your living room is disgusting, but natural. Just because something is natural, it doesn't stop people from being disgusted.

I think the OP did the right thing. I'm not sure if he told her this in private though, because to tell her in front of others would have been inappropriate. I assume if you're the boss with some experience, then you would know to deal with it this way anyway. Also, she might have been feeling a bit down that she was having her period in the first place, and was trying to make light of it to cheer herself up. I'm not saying it was appropriate for her to do this, and IMO mentioning bodily functions in a work environment is unprofessional. She might also be one of those people who feels the need to, "say what she thinks" i.e. gives herself the excuse to be rude and inappropriate.

Slightly unrelated to this, I wondered if women who experience bad period pains (most of them, no?) should be allowed extra sickness days. I can't see it happening, but it seems unfair that although it's an inappropriate topic, that women should put up with the pain and suffer. It is a part of everyday life, and almost an extra "illness" that women have to tolerate.



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01 Jul 2012, 3:47 pm

I've worked in offices for years.predominately.women and not.once have.any of us.discussed periods.nor what.we are going to the bathroom to do. Her comments were crude and unnecessary, all you.needed to know was.she was stepping out for a.minute, you clearly.told her which point was TMI and she over stepped the.mark.

Her comment I do feel was a big FU and again inappropriate in the workplace.


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01 Jul 2012, 9:58 pm

Quote:
"I'm going to bleed period blood and shove a tampon in myself."


That comment is def inappropriate. That said, I work in an office full of women and it can become a litany of gynecological issues.

I look on it as a learning experience; but I do find it unusual for a girl to be that blunt.