Meeting someone online for the first time
Alright so over the last few months I've been able to get to know a really cool member of WP Chrissyrun and we've been talking back and forth for awhile now, we've grown closer in our communication as of lately and have decided to meet each other to move to the next step in our relationship. Now I am curious to know if anyone has any suggestions as to how I could prepare for this, what I should expect from this meeting, as well as any other things of importance as to what the first meeting might be like. I've heard that there can be awkwardness if you hold any RL expectations of the other person. Any experiences from any other members would be much appreciated or anyone with any knowledge of the matter.
Nadir
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 25 Jan 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 74
Location: Spain and Canada
If I was going to meet someone from WP and then she makes public our relation, and THEN ask in public for some help on how to interact with her I would be really pissed.
I don't understand? I am fine with him asking....the more informed we are, the better.
I made public our relation because I wanted to and I didn't want him posting 2 threads.... (that can get ugly)
We have never met IRL, so we'd just like to know this stuff.
It'd be more helpful from aspies than google, lol.
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If I was going to meet someone from WP and then she makes public our relation, and THEN ask in public for some help on how to interact with her I would be really pissed.
News flash, this has been going on for awhile between the two of us. Thank you for commenting though. I'm just curious to hear from others how they handled this situation and any advice they'd have.
Nadir
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 25 Jan 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 74
Location: Spain and Canada
Ah well, my bad then sorry lol
My advice is: don't expect anything in particular, otherwise you can get disappointed. The key is being open to appreciate the other person, and to be ready to make the effort of not judging her/him right away. Time creates what you know of each other. Find, if possible, fascinating things that are different and new to you, don't misjudge them. Just think you are going to chat with someone, but you don't have to type
In addition to what's been posted, I think there is a special factor with Aspie-Aspie meetings which needs to be addressed: you have both been interacting with NTs almost exclusively your entire life, and you may (unconsciously) expect the other person to act NT because that's all you know - add romantic dimensions to this problem and you have a massive potential for profound misunderstandings that could end up being unnecessarily disasterous.
Try to warn the other person about your most serious Aspie issues in detail before meeting.
Anyway, that's been my experience - maybe it's just me, but it's probably something you should think about.
I'm meeting another Aspie (platonically) this week, and I have really gone overboard in this respect because I want it to go well...
Good Luck!
If I was going to meet someone from WP and then she makes public our relation, and THEN ask in public for some help on how to interact with her I would be really pissed.
I don't understand? I am fine with him asking....the more informed we are, the better.
I made public our relation because I wanted to and I didn't want him posting 2 threads.... (that can get ugly)
We have never met IRL, so we'd just like to know this stuff.
It'd be more helpful from aspies than google, lol.
Didn't I already tell you about this a few weeks ago? xD As I said before, meet first only as friends and don't try to push too much out of it. The more that you expect the other person to do and the more that the other person expects you to do, the more nervous you will be. Just hang out and relax as friends first to get comfortable.
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Love keeps us kind.
I'm so happy for you guys and hope it goes well. Do you guys live geographically close to each other or is this a long-distance situation? If this is a long-distance trip and you'll be spending a lot of time together, it might be good to plan out some activites beforehand. Sometimes having something to do can help break the ice.
I think when you've been talking with someone online for a while, it's natural to develop a concept of them in your head, which may or may not be totally accurate. Try to be as open-minded as possible and not place a lot of expectations on outcome.
And, it might not hurt to talk openly and honestly about possible outcomes. For example, if it doesn't go well, do you still want to try to remain friends? If so, what kind of 'friends'? (ie, Would you still want to talk regularly, like you do now? Or, would you be more like friendly acquaintences?) Also, if it does go well, are you guys both looking for the same type of relationship? It's just good to make sure everyone's on the same page sometimes. It can help avoid possible hurt later.
MONKEY
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Jumping on the bandwagon. Nah I'm kiddiiiing.
Well I hope it goes well, but I wouldn't pretend it's skype because skype is awkward and the whole conversation would be "the picture's froze, the sound is muffled... etc".
If you gel you gel and I hope you do!
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rabbitears
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Age: 32
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Well I hope it goes well, but I wouldn't pretend it's skype because skype is awkward and the whole conversation would be "the picture's froze, the sound is muffled... etc".
If you gel you gel and I hope you do!
Exactemondo! I reckon it's better getting to know someone first, then dating them. That way it should be much more comfortable when you first meet them, it was with me when I first met MONKEY. So all I can really say is keep up the communication and good luck. I felt like I'd known MONKEY forever when we first met up, it was weird (good weird). I hope you get the same satisfaction.
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Try to warn the other person about your most serious Aspie issues in detail before meeting.
Anyway, that's been my experience - maybe it's just me, but it's probably something you should think about.
I'm meeting another Aspie (platonically) this week, and I have really gone overboard in this respect because I want it to go well...
Good Luck!
^^
I've never been had an outing with an Aspie, but this advice seems spot on. What's encouraging is that you two have already talked about this, and then decided to post for input. I think that right there shows keen insight into how AS can affect communication and relationships in general (note the small 'r' on relationships).
been there done that
it was the most successful relationship ive ever had with a girl, and when we first met it was awkward and we both aknowledge how awkward it was for us, are first meeting up wasnt are first date in truth that was are second meeting up
i choose to treat it as if i was meeting a relative i hadnt seen in a long while, and that there apperence maybe different than u remember, and funny enough she told me she treated it the exact same way
however she was considered an NT, though late in the relationship i put all the pieces togather and realized she had aspergers
the best thing i can tell u is go in with an open mind expect the unexpected be ready for questions and hav questions of ur own, show that person the best u, u can be
best of luck
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