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StarSplit
Tufted Titmouse
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18 Oct 2011, 3:25 pm

Hmm, true...I didn't think about that. He's mentioned that he has 'baggage' but I'm not sure what he means by this; I just know that it falls under the category of 'things I wouldn't like about him once I found out about them'. He's really hard on himself, though. He also doesn't realize that because our moms are good friends and they talk about us, I know a great deal more about him/his 'troubled teenage years' than he knows.

More assuring - like what? I don't want to have another talk about relationship stuff with him because I think it'll only make him feel pressured. The problem right now is that he's not talking to me at ALL...



Pocket
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18 Oct 2011, 6:14 pm

Okay.. for what it's worth... I am a suspect/prospect Aspie guy, and dated an Aspie girl this summer. You can add more disclaimers yourself, but while I may be one of those guys you were asking for advice, I don't know how Aspie I am, or how Aspie this flirt of yours is. As some of the others here on WP I am curious for more updates :oops:

First I must say it is a fascinating story, and for what I know of Aspies pretty typical, but what do I know :roll:
Maybe get some advice from your curious family, they seem more than willing to help ;)

How you get in touch again, and get "back" to where you were with the teen soaps, dinners and movies I don't know. It would be really helpful to know what he's thinking, too. Is he truly busy with work and stuff? Considering how much time you guys spent together he may have been pushing some stuff ahead, like deadlines and work-stuff.

Maybe he's shy, or really serious about your flirt, no knowing what will happen next and getting nervous.

My guess however is, that getting to meet up again, one way or the other is the first step. Maybe not twice in a day, or for several hours. Maybe just for a cup of coffee, or the like.
A couple of things I would think were really important if I was in his shoes are: Somehow being told that you care, or that you think it could be getting somewhere.
That, if that's the case, you've got time ahead of you, and having fun is reason enough for seeing each other. Somehow saying, that thinking too far ahead is too soon. He could be nervous about rejection already, especially if he does not know explicitly that what he's hoping for (what is he hoping for?) is mutual.
If he does not say so himself, or seem to approach the subject, leaving subject of Aspies and the spectrum, may be a lot better than confronting him with you or him or both of you being Aspie.
Tell him, if you feel that way, that you are perfectly alright, with him taking five times of others to process the confrontation or whatever traits he may be nervous about, and generally tell him that you like him the way he is. If you do so, do also tell him why you are alright with him being himself, especially if he's Aspie. Then without some "logical" arguments, your affection may not seem trustworthy to him. Either because it sounds too good to be true, or may sound alien to him.

Best of luck to you both! 8)


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Danish Prospect Aspie, let's see what the doctors say, now that we have a good and free health care system.


Fullofstars
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18 Oct 2011, 7:10 pm

Add me to the list of very, very interested. :heart:



StarSplit
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25 Oct 2011, 1:58 am

He hasn't talked to me at all in the past week, so I figured it was about time to forget about it.

However--

He texted me completely out of nowhere today and and asked if I wanted to have lunch with him tomorrow. I'm dying to know what he could possibly say at this point, so naturally I'm going. :)

Next episode coming soon...



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25 Oct 2011, 4:36 am

Good luck & bon appetit :P



tronist
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25 Oct 2011, 5:31 am

StarSplit wrote:
I think I spoke too soon. Well, maybe. I'm really not sure what's going on right now.

After that night we had the talk (remember he spent that entire next day with me after he kissed me) he barely contacted me again for the next two weeks. I went out of town to visit my parents for about a week, but after that I got back and I still didn't hear from him. I texted him a couple times to ask if he wanted to meet up and see a movie or do something the next week, and all I got were very ambiguous texts like "Maybe, we'll see, I might have something going on that day", etc. Considering the fact that we were spending a lot of time together, it's very confusing behavior.

At first I was thinking that maybe he's just freaked himself out and that I should give him more time. My friends/family encouraged me to be patient. So I was for a while. Patience is NOT easy for me, but I tried. After a week and a half went by and I STILL hadn't heard a thing, I realized that I didn't care if he was scared or not. I figured it would be in my best interest just to stop worrying about it and move on.

However, I can't seem to let things go. If there's one thing I've realized in the past week, it's that I have an obsessive need to figure out the truth of what happened (in all situations, not just this one). So I texted him to make sure he was NOT coming to the festival I invited him to yesterday. He said that he was at work. NOT AN ANSWER. So just to get some clarity, I bluntly asked him if I should assume that he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. Here's the weird part. He said 'No, there are just a few things we need to talk about'. I said that I was sorry if I created some sort of misunderstanding a couple weeks ago and that my point was just that I wanted to get to know him better (I thought our conversation was really clear, but at this point I can't fathom what he might be thinking), and he replied with 'Sounds good. We'll talk later'. First of all, huh? And second, he still has not contacted me. Does 'later' mean 'next week' or something?

You'd think if he was just going to bail/blow me off he's had about a billion opportunities to do so. Yet HE is the one saying that we should talk. And at the same time NOT talking to me. What's going on here?! I don't like the fact that he seemed to be 'in' this one second and 'out' the next. I don't like being treated this way.

this happened to me too, sadly. i think its because if you hang out too much it kills the attraction for some people.

i wouldnt contact him anymore. if he wants to talk to you, he'll get a hold of you right? if he doesnt want to talk to you he wont.

your story was very convincing that he liked you, and this is completely backwards acting now. i see why you are bamboozled. i am too XD.

maybe send him ONE more message saying 'when are you free to talk in the next week?' then seeing if he actually responds with and SETS SOMETHING UP. if he doesnt, he isnt interested anymore, and hes being a flake.



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27 Oct 2011, 8:07 am

Your story is like watching a really good girly movie, but having to pause halfway through to wait for the next part.

Have you told him how you feel about him? Come out with it, all of it and give him time to process. Communication sounds like it needs to be ampt up here, especially if you are both on the spectrum. Neither one of you are reading each other properly it sounds... to me it appears that you are both mad about each other. It's adorable really.

Can't wait to see how your happy ending plays out... *tosses some popcorn in the microwave*



StarSplit
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27 Oct 2011, 11:37 pm

I did tell him that I like him - somewhere between when he kissed me and when we had that conversation. He said that he likes me too. But then he disappeared for 3 weeks...

And now...an update! (Read as 'wtf moment #3249857')

This was the conversation when he called me today to make lunch plans:
Him: Where do you want to eat?
Me: I'm not very hungry. I don't care. Where do you want to go?
Him: *silence* (he does this when he thinks, yet I think he forgets that I can't see him thinking if we're on the phone)
Me: Do you ever go to PF Chang's?
Him: Um...no. I've been there about twice.
Me: Ooook.
*silence*
Him: Do you want to eat at PF Chang's?
Me: It's an option. I really don't care. Where do YOU want to go?
Him: We can go to PF Chang's.
Me: Ok.
Him: I'll meet you there in about 15 minutes.
Me: Oh...ok. Bye. (me thinking: why the hell can't he pick me up? he's going to drive by my apartment, and parking is expensive)
Him: Bye.

Lunch was the most painfully awkward experience I've ever experienced in my life...that is, if I ever felt socially awkward. Socially awkward for me translates as either confusion, boredom, or frustration. Today it was confusion. However, our waitress seemed to pick up on the awkwardness. And for me to pick up on THAT means it was probably pretty damn awkward.

Let me explain. I sat there in silence, wondering what in the world I was supposed to say to someone who kissed me, disappeared for 3 weeks, and still hasn't said why. And he didn't say why. We didn't talk about it at all, and I didn't bring it up because he seemed VERY uncomfortable and I didn't want to frighten him away. He just attempted to make small talk with odd, forced 'how was X' questions for the next 45 minutes (i.e. 'how was your visit to the chiropractor today?') while looking like he was on the verge of running away at any moment. I patiently answered all of them, though I HATE being asked stuff like that. I think we made eye contact like...twice. Though that isn't unusual for either of us. He did lighten up near the end, though. Then he did the thing he used to do when we were first seeing each other where he announced that he had to leave and practically ran away. I was expecting this, so I just said 'ok'.

This was the funny part. When we were leaving, we both got in the elevator: me, presumably to walk back home, him, to go to his car in the parking garage downstairs. I said goodbye and got out of the elevator on the first floor.
Him: (borderline panic) Wait!! Where are you going??
Me: Uh...walking. Home.
Him: Get back in the elevator. I'm driving you home.
Me: *gets back in, silence, trying not to laugh* You didn't SAY that, you know...I can't read your mind...
Him: Hm.

The best part was that there was another guy in the elevator who had absolutely no idea what was going on. :lol:



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28 Oct 2011, 9:31 am

^ Yup, you need to amp up communication. :D Instead of sitting there in silence, speak your mind. Even if you have to be blunt and long-winded (that might chase him off, so?) it's better than awkward and not knowing what the #ell is going on. Isn't it?

He's crazy over you and has no idea how to tell you, and you're his equal. I have to say you two are cute. :lol:

Maybe two people on the spectrum just don't mesh? Perhaps you both need a stronger partner, one who will take the lead?