Is he interested or not?

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Ok, so I've recently moved and met the son of a good friend of my parents'. We've technically known each other since birth, but in the past 25 years of our lives we've probably spent about 5 hours together. I haven't seen him since we were 10. Our families got together a couple times when my parents were here one weekend, and he told me that if I ever needed anything to give him a call. Now, if it was just that, there's no way I'd assume he was interested in dating me.

However, the next weekend he asked me if I wanted to go see a movie. The theater's across the street from me, so I walked over to meet him there, and he had already bought me a ticket and just gave it to me. We saw the movie, he walked me home, we talked for a bit, and he asked me if I wanted to go to his friends' art show with him on Thursday (it was Sunday). I said yes. He said he'd call me on Tuesday. And then in an extremely awkward way, he said it was late and practically ran out the door. I typically don't notice socially awkward. I noticed this. That's how unusual it was.

I should clarify at this point that this guy has a very unusual personality in general. I'd almost guess he was an aspie, but something tells me he's just sort of odd (in a good way). Like the "I'll call you on Tuesday" thing. He did. If he says he's going to pick me up at 6:45, he'll do it, and he'll also tell me how much driving time I should expect. It's like he's both shy and has an extremely strong personality at the same time. I can't make sense of it. If he wants to do something, or ask me to do something with him, he'll just do it. He couldn't care less what other people think of him. But he acts extremely uncomfortable in situations where he doesn't seem to know what to do, like saying goodbye after he walks me home.

Fast forward to the art show. It was a lot of fun, both of us loosened up a bit and actually had a conversation. After this he texted me a few times, and I kept wondering what was up with that. I couldn't make sense of him or what he was doing - was he just trying to be nice, as a family friend, and show me around, or was it something completely different than that? I had a lot of stuff to deal with in the next week, including my car breaking down, getting sick, etc. - just one of those weeks. So I didn't have time to talk to him for a few days. He stopped texting. I just assumed he lost interest or something. But, in a conversation with my mom, and in a conversation with another friend, they both told me that I was pretty bad at reciprocating interest in people. Their advice was just to ask him to do something else. I asked him if he wanted to see another movie, and he did.

It seems like they were right - ever since I've done that (which was a week ago) I've seen him almost every single day. We spent the entire next day together (his idea), we saw another movie the next day (his idea), he asked me to do something the day after that but I couldn't (I had to work), and he even invited me to his birthday dinner on Tuesday. (Keep in mind we do know a lot of the same people so that's not too weird). He texts me a lot just to see what I'm up to - even shows interest in mundane stuff like my job - and the other day he stuck around and almost made himself late for a business thing he had to go to because he was watching this stupid teen soap show with me. I rented it as a joke. He hates that sort of show, yet he sat there for two hours voluntarily. And then asked if I wanted to go to dinner, which DID make him late.

He's got a very serious personality, but he jokes with me a lot. He smiles at me a lot - he doesn't do that much, even around his friends. He let me hang onto his arm when I was freezing and couldn't get warm. He's genuinely a good guy and very gentlemanly - like I haven't had a car all week and he actually drove me to get groceries. And carried them out for me.

We have plans for this weekend too. So what I'm wondering is if he's interested in dating me or if he's just decided that I'm his new best buddy? He's not like most guys I know, so I don't know if he's just being EXTREMELY helpful or what. He helps people out a lot, I've noticed. But at the same time, he's not just doing me favors; he always seems to look for excuses to stick around as long as possible. But I can't figure out why he always bolts out the door at the end of the night. One night he did that and sent me a text two hours later (at 2 am) saying that he should have stayed. (How am I supposed to interpret this?) I do know that he's only dated one girl back in high school, and he bluntly told me that he doesn't know much about dating. (Again...why?) My intuition, limited as it may be, tells me that he's interested, but it's in my nature to doubt until I have absolute proof. I'm not good with things that aren't explicitly stated (or better, in writing!).

Anyway, this is driving me insane. I don't want to screw it up. Comments will be very much appreciated.

maybe he's nervous about all the kissing and shiz that traditionally happens at the end of 'dates'

It sounds promising to me... but keep an open mind either way.

I can't speak for him, but if I were acting the way he is it would mean absolutely 100% for certain that I was very very interested in you.

Okay I read your post. I can confidently say that guy is way into you. He may awkwardly exit because he likes you. Show your interest by your body language if you are interested. Like it's fine if you take and hold his hand while walking or lean against him or other physical stuff. He just may not be sure how to approach you to show his interest. It might help if you make some moves yourself.

Thanks for the advice.

I got my answer much quicker than expected. After a party where we both accidentally drank a bit too much on Friday, he walked me back home and instead of running out the door like usual he shut it behind him, grabbed me and kissed me. I let him sleep on my couch so he didn't have to drive home.

The next morning I told him that while I don't want to freak him out or interrogate him, I need to know what he's after here. I've been messed with by guys in the past because I've been too naive and trusting of them when I shouldn't have been, and I wanted to know that he's not leading me on. Of course with me being myself I just bluntly said all that to him about half an hour after he woke up. This is when I started seriously suspecting that he might be an aspie - he got quiet for literally 5 minutes, started pacing around my kitchen while folding dishtowels and reorganizing stuff in the cabinets, and then he blurted out something about how he's not leading me on and that he has to go home RIGHT THEN because he's not used to waking up somewhere that's not his bed and that he's seriously out of his routine here (but that he'd call me in an hour or so). And, as usual, ran away. >.>

He left, texted me that he had found his phone, and then called me about an hour later, awkwardly said almost nothing and then told me he'd come back over later. He did, spent a few hours here and then left to go home again before we went out AGAIN that night. We came back to my apartment about about 2 am, and he decided to have a talk of his own with me. It turns out that I didn't freak him out at all; he just seems to need about 5 times the amount of processing time as a normal person. He told me that while he likes me and enjoys spending time with me, he doesn't understand what redeemable qualities I see in him, and that while I might be the best thing for him, he'd only make my life worse. He also said that he has never been in a real relationship, he wants to go very very slowly, and that it's important to him that we're good friends before anything else. And that he's never even had a conversation like this before so he doesn't really know what he's doing there either.

So yeah...still cynically waiting for something to go wrong, but overall I'm actually not worried. It completely surprised me that he didn't just bolt after I did that. A lot of guys would. And have.

Now I'm wondering how exactly I should go about figuring out whatever I have to figure out with him. Unfortunately I don't feel like being an aspie girl qualifies me to figure out an aspie guy in this situation (or whatever he is). Any of the men here (or even girls dating guys like this) have any thoughts on how I should proceed?

This... Is actually a positive story! It's happening right now, and it's going well! I'm surprised.

In any case, yes, I'm a male, but I wanted to squeal ("Eeeeeee!") when I saw your posts, StarSplit. I guess what I can say is: Keep being rather blunt with him, and give him time when he needs it/runs away, even if you think you did something horrible on accident, I don't think you did. You can be continue to be cautious around him, but he's a helpful guy, right? Not just to you. I think he's Aspie, probably. Needing more time to process things [Like me], the routine thing [which I don't have much of], etc... That night where you had a few drinks seemed to shove some of his shyness away. Anyways, I suggest to just... Keep it going! Continue hanging out, although I'm not sure if he'll be up to initiating the next kiss. He was intoxicated the last time, right? You may need to kiss him the second time, just to make sure he's comfortable with the idea that you're allowing that sort of thing... Then again, he wants to take it slow, too. So continue hanging out, enjoying each other, and if you want, nurture whatever romance there is between you two.

Disclaimer: This is coming from a 15 year old guy who's had 1 date so far, but considers reading books and watching movies as valuable experience.

Just be positive about it.

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Hehe thank you. My mother and best friend keep asking me for updates like they're watching a tv show or something. Everyone I've talked to (and people here) have seemed to come to the conclusion that it's a good beginning to...something. He and I haven't spoken much in the past couple days, but I assume it's just him being him. He tends to be elusive like that sometimes, so I'm trying not to be concerned that it's something I did wrong. I want to take this slowly as well, and it's nice to find a guy who doesn't like rushing into things, physically or otherwise.

If only all women were like you. Would be great to find a woman who wouldn't care too much about me being "the cool guy".

Very encouraging to read things like this where things appear to be working out. Can't think of anything else to say other than congratulations!

I think I spoke too soon. Well, maybe. I'm really not sure what's going on right now.

After that night we had the talk (remember he spent that entire next day with me after he kissed me) he barely contacted me again for the next two weeks. I went out of town to visit my parents for about a week, but after that I got back and I still didn't hear from him. I texted him a couple times to ask if he wanted to meet up and see a movie or do something the next week, and all I got were very ambiguous texts like "Maybe, we'll see, I might have something going on that day", etc. Considering the fact that we were spending a lot of time together, it's very confusing behavior.

At first I was thinking that maybe he's just freaked himself out and that I should give him more time. My friends/family encouraged me to be patient. So I was for a while. Patience is NOT easy for me, but I tried. After a week and a half went by and I STILL hadn't heard a thing, I realized that I didn't care if he was scared or not. I figured it would be in my best interest just to stop worrying about it and move on.

However, I can't seem to let things go. If there's one thing I've realized in the past week, it's that I have an obsessive need to figure out the truth of what happened (in all situations, not just this one). So I texted him to make sure he was NOT coming to the festival I invited him to yesterday. He said that he was at work. NOT AN ANSWER. So just to get some clarity, I bluntly asked him if I should assume that he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. Here's the weird part. He said 'No, there are just a few things we need to talk about'. I said that I was sorry if I created some sort of misunderstanding a couple weeks ago and that my point was just that I wanted to get to know him better (I thought our conversation was really clear, but at this point I can't fathom what he might be thinking), and he replied with 'Sounds good. We'll talk later'. First of all, huh? And second, he still has not contacted me. Does 'later' mean 'next week' or something?

You'd think if he was just going to bail/blow me off he's had about a billion opportunities to do so. Yet HE is the one saying that we should talk. And at the same time NOT talking to me. What's going on here?! I don't like the fact that he seemed to be 'in' this one second and 'out' the next. I don't like being treated this way.

Op I hate when that happens. Am sorry for you. I remember you said in earlier post that  he wants to take it slow. Even though he has not spoken to you much and seems like almost elonding you. I can see he still likes you but he seems a nurveus type of guy when he around someone he likes.. You did nothing worng and just give him time alone to think and he might come around.   I say give him some time and if seems months and months has passed I would talk to him and tell him how you don't like that his evading of you and ask if he still like you. If he says no. Still try to be his friend but Just count it as lost and move on

Thanks for the advice/sympathy. I'm not really sure if there's anything I can do but wait. I'm not the kind of person who can do things halfway; either I'm in or out, so this is difficult. I should probably figure out how to turn that trait off while other people are sorting out their feelings...

I've been keeping a mental list of what excuse he could possibly have for disappearing like that. Maybe he's a superhero and doesn't want me to find out about his alter ego?