People who keep using your name, annoying??! !!

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Jensen
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07 Nov 2014, 11:48 am

If is habit, it is a very impolite one. It is SO patronizing, - like telling people off, or saying "dear" through the teeth.


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07 Nov 2014, 12:29 pm

CapriciousAgent wrote:
Not only do I have a weird reaction to hearing my own name too many times, but I find myself avoiding using other people's names. "Hey," "man," "dude," etc. all have preference over the name of the person I am addressing. Only when I am talking about someone who isn't present, or I have to get the attention of someone in a crowd will I use their name. I think it stems from a mild phobia of calling someone the wrong name, but I do it even with people I know very well, and have known for a long time.

Does anyone else find themselves doing this?


yes, same for me. i don't remember names well and i can't recognize faces, so maybe it's part of that. but even to my family i avoid using names as much as possible. in addition, sometimes when people use my name to talk to me, it kind of pulls me out of the moment and takes me a second to realize 'oh, that's my name.'



DarkAscent
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07 Nov 2014, 12:48 pm

I only get annoyed if someone calls me by my full first name or middle name. Have never liked my first name. I don't mind being called by a shorter version of my name. I actually prefer the way most of my classmates get their friends' attention instead of calling each other by their names - stamping on the floor or waving their hands in each other's faces because they're all deaf.



olympiadis
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07 Nov 2014, 1:48 pm

FunkinRascal wrote:
Any use of your name when it's already clear that you are the one being spoken to is superfluous and unnecessary. Even if only once.

People who do this may attempt to justify this irritating practice by claiming it helps them remember peoples' names, or that it sounds 'intimate' to the person being spoken to, etc. Someone above quoted Dale Carnegie who wrote that a person's name was the "sweetest and most important sound" to them. That's a bunch of crap. The bottom line is that people who enjoy wanking other peoples' names seem to derive a sense of self-importance from it, since in our culture the tradition is that only someone in a position of authority (such as your mom, dad, school teacher, etc) should use your name in such a manner. So it is very pretentious for anyone else to do it.

That is why pretentious people do it.

As for the Carnegie quote, it's from a book called "How to Make Friends and Influence People." Isn't it creepy that someone would make use of a technique, such as wanking your name, to influence you?

Someone above wrote that you should ask the perpetrator to stop. In my experience, name wankers tend to be highly defensive about their practice when confronted. It's like you are infringing on some divinely ordained right they have when you ask them to stop using your name superfluously. It becomes clear that they just can't stand to lose the ability to assert higher status over you by wanking your name. This just underscores the point that the practice is pretentious.

Another fact that underscores this point is that people tend to do it when arguing, to express the idea that the listener is immature.

What can you do about it? My response has been to myself use my own name, in place of the pronoun 'I' whenever speaking to the name wanker. But you have to do it for a while before they get the point and back off. Using your own name instead of 'I' is not only annoying to the name wanker, it also reverses the higher-status thing because it's like saying to your kid "Daddy wants you to go to bed now" instead of "I want you to go to bed now."

Hope this helps.


^ Yes, this.
And welcome to WP by the way.

I can also add that this whole practice is integral to "identity thinking", which in turn is a key tool in negotiating a world of hierarchal structures.
It's all about power exchanges.
Be very suspect when someone is doing this.



jbw
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07 Nov 2014, 5:21 pm

FunkinRascal wrote:
Someone above quoted Dale Carnegie who wrote that a person's name was the "sweetest and most important sound" to them. That's a bunch of crap.
...
As for the Carnegie quote, it's from a book called "How to Make Friends and Influence People." Isn't it creepy that someone would make use of a technique, such as wanking your name, to influence you?

I've heard his book mentioned a number of times. I find the thought of manipulating people so revolting that I don't think I could bring myself to read it.
FunkinRascal wrote:
The bottom line is that people who enjoy wanking other peoples' names seem to derive a sense of self-importance from it, since in our culture the tradition is that only someone in a position of authority (such as your mom, dad, school teacher, etc) should use your name in such a manner. So it is very pretentious for anyone else to do it.

Yes, it is about self-importance. There is a fascinating book titled Comparative Legal Linguistics on the topic language, authority, and the development of legal language systems around the world http://books.google.com.au/books/about/ ... m6CQ_wN7sC.
FunkinRascal wrote:
My response has been to myself use my own name, in place of the pronoun 'I' whenever speaking to the name wanker. But you have to do it for a while before they get the point and back off. Using your own name instead of 'I' is not only annoying to the name wanker, it also reverses the higher-status thing because it's like saying to your kid "Daddy wants you to go to bed now" instead of "I want you to go to bed now."

Hope this helps.

Great idea. I know a few people who deserve this treatment.
olympiadis wrote:
I can also add that this whole practice is integral to "identity thinking", which in turn is a key tool in negotiating a world of hierarchal structures.
It's all about power exchanges.
Be very suspect when someone is doing this.

Correct. The book I mention above makes this point very clear. It's a book written for students of law, and the "need" for projecting authority and power is presented as an unquestionable element required for the construction and maintenance of any society.



Who_Am_I
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07 Nov 2014, 7:00 pm

Quote:
or that it sounds 'intimate' to the person being spoken to, etc.


Which, for me, is part of the problem: I do not want any sort of intimacy with most people, and it makes me suspicious when people try to create an aura of intimacy by tricks like that.

I prefer intimacy to be built by getting to know a person gradually over a long period of time.


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DRzero
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07 Nov 2014, 8:32 pm

Not exactly an answer to your question, but have you ever noticed that, in the USA in 2014, if someone says hello to you or vice versa, they're expected to say your name, or vice versa, even if you know they know your name, they know you know they know, you know they know you know they know, etc. I wonder if Seinfield has done a bit on this.

CapriciousAgent wrote:
Not only do I have a weird reaction to hearing my own name too many times, but I find myself avoiding using other people's names. "Hey," "man," "dude," etc. all have preference over the name of the person I am addressing. Only when I am talking about someone who isn't present, or I have to get the attention of someone in a crowd will I use their name. I think it stems from a mild phobia of calling someone the wrong name, but I do it even with people I know very well, and have known for a long time.

Does anyone else find themselves doing this?


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Luzhin
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08 Nov 2014, 12:52 am

I do not like when people use my name beyond 'hello (name)'. Other than that it seems condescending like they are speaking to a small child.

On the other hand, if someone truly gets on my bad side I will use their name repeatedly in a conversation so they know, without a doubt, that I am speaking down to them.