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Blue_and_Orange
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12 Nov 2011, 12:00 pm

Without going into details, I know a couple chicks that are butt-ugly, fat, etc.- yet they get as many so-called "boyfriends" and such as they want. (The chicks are really just sex addicts, but let's call their partners boyfriends for the sake of this post.) I am twenty, more attractive- not to mention more intelligent- than they are, yet I can't get a single boyfriend. Someone once said it may be because of how I respond when people approach me, but here's the thing- people don't approach me. I go to school full time, join multiple campus organizations, and sell my plasma, yet never meet people. I have few, if any, friends, male or female. Yet my online friends keep telling me I'm attractive, intelligent, etc.



AsteroidNap
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12 Nov 2011, 12:06 pm

Rather than wait for someone to approach you, have you tried approaching persons of interest yourself?



spongy
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12 Nov 2011, 12:14 pm

Here's the thing wether some guys like to admit it or not the single fact of having a vagina doesnt mean that you are going to have hundreds of desperate men at your feet waiting for some attention from you.

You need to let males know that you are interested: flirty comments.... Its a shame but due to the amount of rejections most guys go through in life most of us dont ask someone out unless its pretty clear theres a chance of something happening.

I had a similar problem being unnoticed, wanna know what I did? I made myself noticeable. I started approaching people just for the sake of being noticed, I changed my clothing style/hairstyle... to a more noticeable look...
Right now every person I meet asks me why did I made a conscious choice to achieve a look thats what most people are trying to avoid. My answer is allways the same, I ask this people if they had ever thought of approaching me before I did this changes(we have met at uni, neighbourhood... for years) and I tell them that since I had done this changes people that used to ignore me are starting to acknowledge my presence.


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Blue_and_Orange
Snowy Owl
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12 Nov 2011, 12:25 pm

One guy liked me, he turned out to be abusive. There's another guy I like, but he likes being single. Aside from that, I have no idea how to meet people in general.



Blue_and_Orange
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12 Nov 2011, 12:27 pm

@ Spongy, I know that just my having a vagina is not enough. I am not stupid. I just thought at least one person would have approached me by now after all this time.



Concretebadger
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12 Nov 2011, 12:28 pm

Spongy pretty much hit the nail on the head I think. I've lost count of the number of times that I've asked myself "what's wrong with me?" and "am I invisible?" too but the truth is, for every woman who wonders why no man pays attention to her, there's a lonely guy thinking the same thing! Imagine two people who are attracted to one another, but neither knows the other person's feelings. It happens, and could well be happening to you!

Since there aren't many people you know well 'IRL', I suspect that's the problem. The solution isn't straightforward or easy because it will involve stepping out of your comfort zone and confronting the issue of not meeting people enough, but rest assured you're NOT invisible. By the sounds of things you're a pleasant and attractive person but my guess is that you come across as rather shy and reserved...you're not "difficult to like" but "difficult to know."

It's two-way traffic really. You sound like the sort of woman who wants the man to make the first move, but sadly there are men who want the would-be girlfriend to be the one who does that. I must confess I've been guilty of that in the past - I noticed her all right, but didn't take the initiative.



Alienboy
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12 Nov 2011, 5:12 pm

Concretebadger wrote:
Spongy pretty much hit the nail on the head I think. I've lost count of the number of times that I've asked myself "what's wrong with me?" and "am I invisible?" too but the truth is, for every woman who wonders why no man pays attention to her, there's a lonely guy thinking the same thing! Imagine two people who are attracted to one another, but neither knows the other person's feelings. It happens, and could well be happening to you!

Since there aren't many people you know well 'IRL', I suspect that's the problem. The solution isn't straightforward or easy because it will involve stepping out of your comfort zone and confronting the issue of not meeting people enough, but rest assured you're NOT invisible. By the sounds of things you're a pleasant and attractive person but my guess is that you come across as rather shy and reserved...you're not "difficult to like" but "difficult to know."

It's two-way traffic really. You sound like the sort of woman who wants the man to make the first move, but sadly there are men who want the would-be girlfriend to be the one who does that. I must confess I've been guilty of that in the past - I noticed her all right, but didn't take the initiative.


Yes, I am a lonely guy and I completely agree with this statement. There are a few girls giving me attention in my college class, but that is because they are younger and I am older and also because I have made some changes(hairstyle, clothes). I think that I thought I was totally invisible to women all throughout elementary school, junior high, high school, early college, etc because I think that my social awareness level was extremely low and that I was in a sense, "in my own little world" all the time when I was younger. Members of the opposite sex would probably notice that I was always zoned out and even when I was back to the real world, I was too shy to talk to them. I am just guessing that never talking and being too shy to even carry a conversation, made most of them avoid me. There were a handful of girls who really liked me a lot growing up, but for the most part I have felt really lonely and invisible...and I actually have been told I have a really attractive face by a lot of friends(girls and guy friends who are not homophobic)! Unfortunately, most women seem to care about the body too and I am really thin. I weigh like 130lbs!



LexF
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12 Nov 2011, 5:31 pm

spongy wrote:
You need to let males know that you are interested: flirty comments.... Its a shame but due to the amount of rejections most guys go through in life most of us dont ask someone out unless its pretty clear theres a chance of something happening.
.


I have to agree with Spongy. I know that I am pretty much unable to detect interest from a girl unless she hits me over the head with a billboard or something.



SoftlyStepping
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12 Nov 2011, 6:34 pm

Blue_and_Orange wrote:
I have few, if any, friends, male or female. Yet my online friends keep telling me I'm attractive, intelligent, etc.


I'd play your strengths. Try the online dating sites.
Talk to all the guys trying to hit on you. Give your phone number to a select few.

Be aware that some will sound rude to you. If you exchange emails with everyone a few times you can still get to know some interesting people.

Women tend to be oversensitive dating wise.

It's crude to say that most women trade sex for food and a place to stay. But that's actually oldschool thinking from the 50s. All fancied up with words like marriage, kids, and family.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Nov 2011, 7:17 pm

Send me your photo, I'll tell you if I can see you.



SoftlyStepping
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12 Nov 2011, 8:07 pm

I am ageless, timeless, and never wise.



spongy
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13 Nov 2011, 4:08 am

Blue_and_Orange wrote:
@ Spongy, I know that just my having a vagina is not enough. I am not stupid. I just thought at least one person would have approached me by now after all this time.

That was just a joke about what some of the male members around here like to believe.

Please try to read the rest of my post with an open mind and consider making yourself more noticeable/ look more approachable by guys.


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Wolfheart
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13 Nov 2011, 6:40 am

Blue_and_Orange wrote:
Without going into details, I know a couple chicks that are butt-ugly, fat, etc.- yet they get as many so-called "boyfriends" and such as they want. (The chicks are really just sex addicts, but let's call their partners boyfriends for the sake of this post.) I am twenty, more attractive- not to mention more intelligent- than they are, yet I can't get a single boyfriend. Someone once said it may be because of how I respond when people approach me, but here's the thing- people don't approach me. I go to school full time, join multiple campus organizations, and sell my plasma, yet never meet people. I have few, if any, friends, male or female. Yet my online friends keep telling me I'm attractive, intelligent, etc.


It could be that because you're attractive, men are intimidated by you and feel like they can't approach you. It's also probably through the lack of being able to connect or relate to others, being able to relate to others and emphasize with them is definitely the first step to making friendships whether you relate using humor or sympathy.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Nov 2011, 6:56 am

SoftlyStepping wrote:
I am ageless, timeless, and never wise.


You're Allah.



Blue_and_Orange
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13 Nov 2011, 4:58 pm

SoftlyStepping wrote:
Blue_and_Orange wrote:
I have few, if any, friends, male or female. Yet my online friends keep telling me I'm attractive, intelligent, etc.


I'd play your strengths. Try the online dating sites.
Talk to all the guys trying to hit on you. Give your phone number to a select few.

Be aware that some will sound rude to you. If you exchange emails with everyone a few times you can still get to know some interesting people.

Women tend to be oversensitive dating wise.

It's crude to say that most women trade sex for food and a place to stay. But that's actually oldschool thinking from the 50s. All fancied up with words like marriage, kids, and family.


Oh god, I hate online dating sites. Either everyone's fake, or you have to pay to use the site. Giving out my number won't do any good because none of my online friends live anywhere near me- I would be wasting my phone minutes for the same interaction I could get online. The only guys that try to talk to me in person are random creeps I pass by on the street, and even then not all of them try to talk to me.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Nov 2011, 5:03 pm

Blue_and_Orange wrote:
SoftlyStepping wrote:
Blue_and_Orange wrote:
I have few, if any, friends, male or female. Yet my online friends keep telling me I'm attractive, intelligent, etc.


I'd play your strengths. Try the online dating sites.
Talk to all the guys trying to hit on you. Give your phone number to a select few.

Be aware that some will sound rude to you. If you exchange emails with everyone a few times you can still get to know some interesting people.

Women tend to be oversensitive dating wise.

It's crude to say that most women trade sex for food and a place to stay. But that's actually oldschool thinking from the 50s. All fancied up with words like marriage, kids, and family.


Oh god, I hate online dating sites. Either everyone's fake, or you have to pay to use the site. Giving out my number won't do any good because none of my online friends live anywhere near me- I would be wasting my phone minutes for the same interaction I could get online. The only guys that try to talk to me in person are random creeps I pass by on the street, and even then not all of them try to talk to me.


But heyy.. not all online guys are creeps.

I am not creep.


Psst...baby, let's go private and talk stuff.