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KBABZ
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23 Nov 2006, 11:17 pm

A little scene I came up with for Kipo that I'm going to use. The perspective is in that of Clarene's.

""Do you want it?" He asked.
As I've said before, I didn't want Kipo to take it, despite all best intentions. I guess I thought I'd feel empty if Kipo did, and if she changed. Kipo didn't answer.
"Do you want to think about it in the other room?" I offered.
"Yes." Kipo said slowly.
"Okay." I said, and we walked into the small room from the one we were in. We sat down on some chairs that were inside, and I turned mine to face Kipo's. I drew a deep breath and said
"Now, Kipo, do you understand how important this is?"
"Yes."
"Do you know it is important, Kipo?"
"Yes."
"Do you feel it is important?"
Kipo was silent. After a while I said
"You don't feel it is important, do you Kipo?"
"No." she said. Kipo's voice sounded quiet and subdued.
"Well Kipo, this is important. This is possibly the most important decision you will ever make in your entire life. Do you understand that, Kipo?"
She was silent for a moment, and then she said "Yes, now I do."
"Okay. Kipo, I want you to think long and hard about this. If you do want it, you will change, and there is no going back. Life may become easier to manage, but you will not be the same." I drew a breath. "If you do not want it, then you will remain the same, but life will get harder. They will push for you to take it, and things will get stressful."
"Okay." Kipo replied.
I drew another breath and said "Kipo, I want you to know that, for as long as we've been together, I, well, I've had a great time looking after you. It makes me feel good about myself knowing that I am helping someone in their life, and that I'm making theirs more enjoyable." Once again, I drew another breath. I felt sentimental, and sad. "Remember two years ago Kipo, when the Fire Alarm went off just before the Exams, and the air horn really freaked you out, and how I took you to the electromagnetic generator where you calmed down?"
"Yes."
"Well, I felt good about myself when I calmed you down. I really did. I know we do also have times where we do not get along, such as on camp that same year and you hit me while we were in the forest, but I don't care. If you do want to take it, then you can, and I will be okay with it." This wasn't exactly the truth, as I wasn't truly okay with it, but I knew that I would get used to it and accept it if she did, just like I accepted Kipo's differences four years ago when we first met.
"You can make your decision now, Kipo."
"Okay."

***
I started thinking about my decision. I felt nervous, and I do not get nervous very often. And I do not get nervous like this. This was a different kind of nervous, and I wanted it to go away. But I knew why I was nervous, and it was because of all of these things that were happening to me, and how they were stacking up in my mind like me making my magnet tower. And I felt like my mind would fall over, like when I stack my magnet tower too high and it wobbles and falls over and make a big mess on the floor. My mind would probably make a big mess if it fell on the floor.

I got distracted by all these thoughts swirling around in my mind, and I did not like it. I was thankful that it was a cloudy day, because if it were a sunny day I would find it hard to concentrate and I would not be able to come to a decision as to whether I wanted to take it or not. But I figured that if I wanted to feel better, I would have to make a decision, because that was why I was nervous.

I then started thinking about my decision. I thought about what would happen if I did take it. I thought that if I did, I would change, slowly, and with each day becoming different. I would be able to walk outside on a sunny day and not have to shut my eyes slightly when looking at the sun or when I look at colourful things reflecting the light coming from the sun and into my eyes. I thought about how I would be able to go into rooms where there is loud music and not have to cover my ears to try and block it out. I thought about how I would be able to relate to others, and be able to tell what they would be thinking and feeling, and how I would be able to talk with them and not have them looking at me as if I were strange and unnatural. I thought about how I would be able to have people get near me and I would not feel enclosed and claustrophobic, and how if they would touch me how I would not feel very uncomfortable if they touched me on my shoulders, or how I would like them if they touched my feet. I thought about how I would be able to relate to Volodja, and how I would be able to talk to him without wanting to run away out of nervousness, and be able to let him touch me and hug me.

Then I thought that if I didn't take it I would stay the same. I would stay the same, for a very long time, and I would not change. I would still be unable to walk outside on a sunny day without shutting my eyes slightly when looking at the sun or at colourful objects when the reflect the suns light. I thought about how I would be unable to go into rooms with loud music playing, and how I would cover my ears and not like it at all. I thought about how I would still be unable to relate very well to others, and relate to how they were feeling, and tell them how I was feeling and what I am interested in without them looking at me like I was strange and very unnatural. I thought about how I would still not be able to let people get near me, and I would still get claustrophobic if they did, and how if they would touch me, I would still not like it if they touched me on my shoulders, or I would still like them if they touched my feet. I thought about I would still be interested in magnets, and not be interested in anything else, and how I would still daydream in the middle of school, thinking about Aytons and my Dayol Cube and my magnet tower and the magnet exhibit at the museum and the giant magnet that keeps Meglon Tower from falling down in an earthquake.

And then I stopped thinking, because there was no more to think about for my decision. I then started to wait for Clarene to say something. I then started thinking about magnets. I thought about the electromagnetic generator at my old school, where Clarene took me when I got a fright from an air horn a teacher blew during a Fire Alarm just before the exams. I did not like the air horn, but when Clarene took me there after I got a fright and she touched and rubbed my feet to calm me down, the electromagnetic generator made me feel better.

***

I kept on waiting. I was really nervous about Kipo. I knew that the decision would be up to her, but I felt like making it for her. Nothing against her, but I feel like I know what's best for her. She wasn't as nervous as I was, not by a long-shot. I looked at Kipo, and I saw her reading a poster on the wall about magnets.
"Kipo?" I asked. "Have you made your decision?"
"Yes," she replied "I have made my decision."
I breathed a sigh of relief. Just knowing that Kipo had made her decision released enough pressure to make me feel better.
"So, what is it?" I asked.
"What is what?" Kipo asked
I smiled a tiny bit at this ironic moment, and then said "What is your decision, Kipo?""

And that's it! If you want to know what Kipo's decision is, you'll have to PM me asking for the last little snippet. You'll also have to PM me if you want to know what it is Kipo has to take, although you may already have an idea what it is anyway!


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I was sad when I found that she left
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In a way
And sadness turned to comfort
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Last edited by KBABZ on 26 Nov 2006, 9:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

Starbuline
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24 Nov 2006, 3:00 am

I love the suspense!!



KBABZ
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26 Nov 2006, 9:27 am

EDIT: Added in a little extra snippet in Kipo's desicion due to an important factor Starbuline came up with. :D


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I was sad when I found that she left
But then I found
That I could speak to her,
In a way
And sadness turned to comfort
We all go there


Claradoon
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04 Dec 2006, 6:40 am

KBABZ!! That's wonderful! Of *course* I want to read the last snippet! :D



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04 Dec 2006, 6:43 am

Still reading ...
:)



Claradoon
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04 Dec 2006, 8:17 am

Still reading, KBABZ! 8O

You have a masterly touch. When I read what you wrote, I get the feeling, as a reader, that the author can be trusted for a good story well told. :) Great stuff!

re Martyr describes/explains Kipo - should it be more 'show don't tell' ?

re walking to the falls - maybe throw in some description of terrain while they talk?

How do you keep track of all this, KBABZ? Do you have a system, a secretary, or are you just brilliant? You're a born writer, that's what.

Do you publish?



KBABZ
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04 Dec 2006, 12:57 pm

Claradoon wrote:
Still reading, KBABZ! 8O

You have a masterly touch. When I read what you wrote, I get the feeling, as a reader, that the author can be trusted for a good story well told. :) Great stuff!

Thanks, this is my first true attempt at writing something (everything else was just mini school projects with little though put into it)!
Claradoon wrote:
re Martyr describes/explains Kipo - should it be more 'show don't tell' ?

Yes, I suppose I should show Kipo's traits through showing, such as the Fire Alarm scene, as it does make for a better story. Plus, it's more eventful for the characters!
Claradoon wrote:
re walking to the falls - maybe throw in some description of terrain while they talk?

Ah, now that's a result of writing something I haven't written to yet (yes, I haven't written myself up to that scene yet). I was going on the fact that I had described it earlier! (ingenious!)
Claradoon wrote:
How do you keep track of all this, KBABZ? Do you have a system, a secretary, or are you just brilliant? You're a born writer, that's what.

Do you publish?

I just have a good memory. Despite all this information, I still manage to keep track of all of it, and I don't know how I do it! I'm thinking that the story would wind up topping LOTR in length once it's fully complete, so it'll be a smacker of a book! And no, I don't publish, as I'm only 16 and have just started writing. Maybe I should have some smaller texts that still fit into my story for the time being?

Oh, and do I PM you the last snippet now?

Thanks for this, it's really getting me back into writing it again! :D
*updates sig's award count, and I gave Claradoon two awards for spelling my username right (it was something I did on GameFAQs)*


_________________
I was sad when I found that she left
But then I found
That I could speak to her,
In a way
And sadness turned to comfort
We all go there


ShadesOfMe
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04 Dec 2006, 3:55 pm

Might I say this is freakin sweet?! But it almost feels like her friends are pitying her. you know when you said they do things like that to keep her interest? well it kinda felt like they hd no interest at all and were only doing to keep her going. i dunno. felt wierd. but on the whole I LOVED it!



KBABZ
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04 Dec 2006, 4:04 pm

ShadesOfMe wrote:
Might I say this is freakin sweet?! But it almost feels like her friends are pitying her. you know when you said they do things like that to keep her interest? well it kinda felt like they hd no interest at all and were only doing to keep her going. i dunno. felt wierd.

Yeah, they do do that so that they can talk with Kipo because they care about her, and they want to talk with her. It's an odd thing in there, really. Might be a topic for debate later on in the story, eh? :)


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I was sad when I found that she left
But then I found
That I could speak to her,
In a way
And sadness turned to comfort
We all go there


KBABZ
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31 Jan 2007, 5:38 am

ShadesOfMe wrote:
But it almost feels like her friends are pitying her.


Come to think of it, pity is kinda what they're thinking, as they do care about her.


_________________
I was sad when I found that she left
But then I found
That I could speak to her,
In a way
And sadness turned to comfort
We all go there


RedMage
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01 Feb 2007, 6:53 am

That is the most wicked cool thing I have EVER read! :D



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29 Apr 2007, 7:34 pm

I want more!



KBABZ
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01 May 2007, 3:17 am

Inventor wrote:
I want more!

Well if we contact each other via MSN or e-mail I'm sure I could send you some stuff!


_________________
I was sad when I found that she left
But then I found
That I could speak to her,
In a way
And sadness turned to comfort
We all go there


nannarob
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11 May 2007, 5:03 am

I have just wandered into this ART..etc section, and I'm really impressed by your writing. I can see an improvement in it as you took on the ideas of philostrate and Scintillate.

I also looke at your drawings and I wondered if you had been influenced by Japanese cartoons.

Keep on going man. You have a great talent.


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I think there must be some chronic learning disability that is so prevalent among NT's that it goes unnoticed by the "experts". Krex


KBABZ
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11 May 2007, 5:52 am

nannarob wrote:
I have just wandered into this ART..etc section, and I'm really impressed by your writing. I can see an improvement in it as you took on the ideas of philostrate and Scintillate.

I also looke at your drawings and I wondered if you had been influenced by Japanese cartoons.

Keep on going man. You have a great talent.

Thanks nanna! The drawings were influenced by Japanese cartoons, in fact the eyes were a dismal attempt at anime eyes originally, and I just kept the look!

What do you like about it?


_________________
I was sad when I found that she left
But then I found
That I could speak to her,
In a way
And sadness turned to comfort
We all go there


ixochiyo_yohuallan
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18 May 2007, 9:47 am

KBABZ:

I'm not sure that I haven't mentioned it before, but I had to say this: what I particularly admire about your writing is the way you handle the dialogue. I could've never done it as you do. I "get" the dialogue when I'm reading someone else's book, but I can't write it myself. I don't have a natural sense of the direction in which conversational exchanges ought to go, and all my characters speak exactly alike (and it's written English, not spoken English). On the other hand, you manage it perfectly, and while reading your story I felt that these were living, natural conversations between living people.

You have some real talent. Keep the good work going. :)