50 Reasons Why Some Women Date Jerks

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Moog
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16 Nov 2011, 10:06 am

51. everyone needs a hobby


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b9
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16 Nov 2011, 10:38 am

Quote:
50 Reasons Why Some Women Date Jerks


"some" women date jerks and "some" do not.

50 reasons why "some" women date jerks are only reasons why "women who date jerks" date them.

they are not reasons that are generally considered to be valid outside of the population of "women who date jerks".
if only 3% of women date jerks, then i am sure that 50 reasons can be gleaned from analysis of that subset.

one could just as easily compile a list of 50 reasons why "some" women do not date jerks (the word "jerk" needs a concrete definition for me to consider the matter more deeply).


my personal definition of a "jerk" is someone who is conceited, and has a very high opinion of himself due to his lack of careful consideration as to his talents.

i consider a person a jerk if they shut their eyes, and mouth off rubbish that they deliver in a "smooth" and fake and rehearsed way.

jerks get an audience of stupid people early on who seem to feed off the jerks blind confidence.
they want to be that way themselves, but they are too cautious because they see the inherent recklessness in the behavior of a jerk.

jerks feed off the admiration of weaker people who are really just an audience to their bravado, but their admirers are also primed eagerly to witness the destruction that may ensue when someone lives like a king when they think like a freeloader of unwarranted attention.

i can see many flaws in people i consider jerks, and they are not smart enough to know that they have them. jerks can be led to their own demolition if they are led by the reigns of their ego.

i think people who underestimate the capacity of other people by default are very stupid. they do not see the "lay of the land" with respect to what challenges may await them. they act more according the script of their daydream than act in attendance to what may bring them down if they are not careful.

sometimes when i see a jerk who interferes with my progress, i start to think about dragging them into strife that they can only blame themselves for.

anyway, i am not sure i know what a "jerk" is.



deconstruction
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16 Nov 2011, 11:07 am

Grisha wrote:
The only reason I would care would be to be able to identify and avoid this type of woman...


I don't think any guy who isn't a jerk should worry about it. Women who go after jerks tend to avoid decent guys. They just sense niceness and run away. It's bad for them. I know plenty of girls like this. They are not bad people. Most of them actually don't think they deserve to be happy, and some wrongly assume a guy with an ego is a guy who knows how to take care of things. Which is often wrong.



myth
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16 Nov 2011, 11:52 am

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18.Douchebags are honest about being douchebags: Honesty about going for what you want is a sign of strength for many women.

This is laughable. Since when has anyone valued honestly? I mean, in reality not just in what they say. I constantly find that what I mean when I say that I am honest is absolutely not at all what anyone else means whey they say they are too. "Sure, I am very honest. Oh.. well.. I can't tell them that.. it will upset them. Better tell them what they want to hear to spare their feelings." or "I don't want to be lied to, just tell me the truth. How dare you say that to me! You're just trying to rain on my parade!!"


.....


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ManicMinx
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18 Nov 2011, 2:54 am

Wolfheart wrote:
This is particularly true, a guy that appears assertive, aggressive and forward is assumed to be that way in the bedroom, women are more turned on by that appeal.


Hell. Yes. Sorry, but I have to agree. Women love for guys to take charge, and sometimes we fall for confident assh**es. If nice guys would have more confidence that would change everything.



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18 Nov 2011, 6:13 pm

From a nice girl, aged 37
Dear Carole, Why do girls – even nice girls – fall for bad boys, even when the girls in question are 37 and should know much better? My friends and I don't understand ourselves.
Ask Carole: Chimpanzee wearing spectacles

Carole replies:
The "dark triad" of human behaviour consists of narcissism (or self-obsession), psychopathy (including callous, impulsive, thrill-seeking, risk-taking behaviour) and Machiavellianism (exploitative, manipulative and deceitful behaviour). Bad boys exhibit dark triad traits and their behaviour, according to one theory, is genetic, meaning they are unlikely to change their ways.

These types of males tend to favour short-term relationships (including one night stands) over long-term relationships. They also attempt to compete with other males by poaching mates for brief affairs.

Research has shown that a touch of evil can bring fitness benefits: these males tend to have more female partners and thus more reproductive opportunities than other males. The fictional character of James Bond is frequently cited as possessing dark triad traits.

Although the dark triad personality type appears to be universal in human society, having been identified in 57 countries, it does exact real costs – otherwise bad boys would be more common. Those exhibiting dark triad behaviour need to prey on the cooperative and unsuspecting.

If bad boys stay in one place and among the same group of humans for too long their psychopathy will be exposed. It has been predicted that this evolutionary strategy can only succeed if bad boys manage to achieve anonymity or lead an itinerant lifestyle.

Evolutionary-anthropological research on hunter gatherers, such as the !Kung San of the Kalahari, has shown that successful, risk-taking hunters – who "bring home the bacon" for the group – get the most mating opportunities.

As a single trait, successful risk-taking is universally appreciated as a sign of good genes. The combination of brave, risk-taking behaviour is frequently attractive to females in the short-term. But in the long term, although females remain attracted to bravery and risk-taking they also look for the crucial additional trait of altruism.

Thus, if given a choice, a female will apparently favour a brave altruist over an opportunistic risk-taker.

Ironically, "nice girls" may be the only females who tolerate the dark triad male personality, forgiving these naughty boys and inadvertently giving them yet another chance to misbehave.

Are you prepared to be a single mother? A bad boy son who survives all the risk-taking behaviour to reach reproductive age may make you a granny many times over, but are you really looking for quantity over quality?

You need to ask yourself this: "Do I want to be another notch on this man's bedpost, or would it be wiser to hold out for a brave altruist?"



pete1061
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18 Nov 2011, 6:31 pm

#11 should be the #1 reason...

Quote:
11. They’re douchebags, too: Girls can be douchebags, too, and douchebag girls tend to like douchebag guys.


Water seeks it's own level.
Jerks date jerks.

end of story.



Mego
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19 Nov 2011, 4:15 am

deconstruction wrote:
Grisha wrote:
The only reason I would care would be to be able to identify and avoid this type of woman...


I don't think any guy who isn't a jerk should worry about it. Women who go after jerks tend to avoid decent guys. They just sense niceness and run away. It's bad for them. I know plenty of girls like this. They are not bad people. Most of them actually don't think they deserve to be happy, and some wrongly assume a guy with an ego is a guy who knows how to take care of things. Which is often wrong.


This is true for a lot of girls.

I wish some people would see that its not always about self-esteem issues.



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19 Nov 2011, 5:02 am

I went after jerks because I didn't know they were jerks. But I am not with them anymore am I?

The second time I ignored the cues when he raised red flags but I thought he was just naive and once I tell him stuff, he will not be so ignorant anymore but lack of TOM there. Not everyone changes their mind when they learn new stuff because some people are just stubborn. Just because I often change my mind to be less ignorant when I learn new things doesn't mean others will.

My husband is a decent guy.



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29 Apr 2014, 12:14 am

necrobump, i know. but i do regret posting this topic.

it was a mentality i related to at the time, but not now. no matter how you slice it up, the "women love to date as*holes" mentality is sexist and not really true or relevant. on just about every angle.

so, um, time for the lock, i guess.



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29 Apr 2014, 2:19 pm

People though do often mislabel a musculary shaped man as a criminal minded one, purely because of his muscles.



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29 Apr 2014, 4:15 pm

I fall into the "women don't like jerks - they just end up with them because they don't know they're jerks" camp.

The "brave altruist" discussion was pretty interesting, though. :)



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29 Apr 2014, 5:48 pm

it's all rooted in power, which isn't inclined towards goodness, but the more one wants the more it corrupts, these guys go on to make brilliant business leaders and entrepeneurs because of their intense self-interest and willingness to take hold of every single advantage. Hence, why jerks are very successful with women, they hold A LOT of power, and the confidense they display illustrates that powerful self-interest. They openly acknowledge power as the means to gain everything (which is somehting that the 'nice guy' doesn't have in his heart), which is what draws people to them. The crazed narcissists among us are often surrounded by so many admirers because of powers intense allure; people are so drawn to power that they willingly subjugate themselves to its abuse just to be near it.

Makes me sad because it makes us seem no different than the animals, but it's just how the world works.



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29 Apr 2014, 6:39 pm

As others earlier (way, way, way earlier) said, and as the OP essentially confirms - it's far more pertinent to ask why some men are so obsessed with this idea.

Still, it's nice to see such a change of heart, and it did put me in mind of '50 Ways to Leave Your Lover', and from there a few Simon and Garfunkel numbers, so a pretty pleasant thread, all in all.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

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Klowglas
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29 Apr 2014, 7:04 pm

Hopper wrote:
As others earlier (way, way, way earlier) said, and as the OP essentially confirms - it's far more pertinent to ask why some men are so obsessed with this idea.

Still, it's nice to see such a change of heart, and it did put me in mind of '50 Ways to Leave Your Lover', and from there a few Simon and Garfunkel numbers, so a pretty pleasant thread, all in all.


Because there are men in this world without power (nice guys), whom can do infinitely more with a woman's affection than a jerk can ever hope to achieve, and who can reciprocate her emotions on a much more intimate and mutual level.

Women need to learn to love a man in weakness, because a man in weakness will have the tenderness she needs to feel emotionally secure -- in giving her affection to the jerk she denies herself of that, and denies the nice guy of company. I have zero doubt that this is the root cause of a lot of loneliness in this world. People are just too obsessed with power.



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29 Apr 2014, 8:15 pm

Klowglas wrote:
Hopper wrote:
As others earlier (way, way, way earlier) said, and as the OP essentially confirms - it's far more pertinent to ask why some men are so obsessed with this idea.

Still, it's nice to see such a change of heart, and it did put me in mind of '50 Ways to Leave Your Lover', and from there a few Simon and Garfunkel numbers, so a pretty pleasant thread, all in all.


Because there are men in this world without power (nice guys), whom can do infinitely more with a woman's affection than a jerk can ever hope to achieve, and who can reciprocate her emotions on a much more intimate and mutual level.

Women need to learn to love a man in weakness, because a man in weakness will have the tenderness she needs to feel emotionally secure -- in giving her affection to the jerk she denies herself of that, and denies the nice guy of company. I have zero doubt that this is the root cause of a lot of loneliness in this world. People are just too obsessed with power.


Mindful of the jerk that lives in us all and occasionally makes a much regretted appearance as I am, there are far more women with non-jerks than jerks. Sometimes these men are outright jerks, and your best bet is to ask the individual woman why she's with said jerk.

The more common and numerous jerk is the one who at first appears to not be so, but whose jerkdom gradually becomes apparent. Like the much abused frog who must be slowly boiled alive in the metaphorical saucepan time and again to illustrate a point, the women may take some time to realise that, damn, this is not a passing phase and they're with jerks.

And some men are just pretty much plain decent, and they too enjoy the attention and affection of women, and reciprocate in kind.

And some men have no or bad luck with women, and some of these concoct all sorts of theories for this, bewildered by how come that jerk has women tripping over themselves and each other to be with him, whilst the luckless are bereft. In the same way trying to interperet someone's dream is nowhere near as fruitful as asking them what they think it could mean, so these theories say little about women - be it in general or those who are sleeping with/seeing/married to jerks - but a lot about the theorisers.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.