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Seerjr
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16 Nov 2011, 6:42 am

Hi all this is the first time I have written anything on the internet but I am after some answers so here it goes.

When I was a child until I was 10 years old I was incontinent of faeces virtually every day, I remember when I was about 4 sitting on the pavement outside my house in soiled pants, every few days an old man used to walk down the street look at me and call out dirty pig. I don’t know why I soiled myself, but I do remember feeling fear a lot of the time and maybe it was my fear of being noticed by moving and drawing attention to myself that I sat there and soiled myself, or being incontinent and the reaction of others made me feel fear (what came first the chicken or the egg). I was incontinent until just before my 11th birthday the day I finished in junior school. I desperately wanted to stop but did not know how, as you can imagine I was bullied in school because of it and I used to hear teachers talking about it and laughing amongst themselves,
My mother used to make me wash my underwear in a bowl in the back garden then send my few friends out there if they called for me to humiliate me in a feeble attempt to stop me being incontinent, this was very distressing.
I used to constantly feel fearful of interaction with other people and social situations, just the thought going to school was scary, as an adult I find it difficult to make friends I don’t seem to need them but within society it is necessary to have social interaction which I find difficult and makes me anxious.
My youngest son has been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, this was picked up by his school due to some odd mannerisms and difficulty socializing with other children, so they called us in to discus it and request a diagnosis from relevant professionals.
I work as a nursing assistant for people with learning difficulties and it took me a long time to feel comfortable in this job I have been doing this job longer than anyone else within the company, I would find it uncomfortable to move. I am working in a job that is below my abilities this has been mentioned by various managers I have worked under and the area manager. I do tasks that are beyond that required in my role (writing policy’s and doing the staff rotas etc.). I did act up in the manager role for 4 months, although I found the technicalities of he job easy I found it difficult to interact with outside agencies and relevant professionals and decided not to continue with the role.
Phone calls where I need to find out information/facts or request a service is OK but phone calls that require social banter and small talk I find difficult and makes me anxious even to family, I find I just want to stick to the facts.
I take my sons to swimming lessons twice a week, there are other parents and swimming teachers there, I find it uncomfortable and use strategies to hide myself such as reading a book listen to an MP3 player or sit in my car, the situation makes me quit anxious. Occasionally I think of these problems and it gets me down and I feel depressed, My wife is a sociable person and I would like to be more comfortable socially for her sake, I have not and can not talk to her about my childhood incontinence she does not know about it.
I enjoy solitary activities walking the dog, reading etc, and would rather learn to do things myself such as DIY, fix my car, plumbing, fix my computer etc, because I find I don’t want to be reliant on or interacting with others to get these things done for me.
I feel more alone in a group than I do when I am on my own, because I feel I don't fit in. Although being in a group can be better than one to one interaction because the group can interact with each other so there is less pressure for me to interact and more room for me to hide.
I feel self conscious when I am interacting with others, the problem is not that I am alone (but not lonely) the problem is that circumstances and being a part of society force me to socially interact.
Am I uncomfortable in social situations because of my childhood incontinence and experience, or is the present social problem and childhood incontinence because I may have Asperger syndrome?



Shishka
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16 Nov 2011, 6:57 am

Have you had a look at the diagnostic criteria for asperger's? They're changing it a little bit in the move from DSM-IV to DSM-V but they're still mostly the same. Online tests aren't always accurate, but they couldn't hurt if you do a few of them. Also, some people can show some signs of asperger's but not actually have it, it's called Broader Autistic Phenotype.



questor
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16 Nov 2011, 8:39 am

It is possible that you have Asperger's Syndrome, but it is also possible that you have a strong case of social anxiety syndrome. The only symptoms you mentioned were the incontinence, the social anxiety symptoms, and a dislike of change. You should look up Asperger symptoms online to see if any others apply to you, and also do take some of the online tests. One thing that most, if not all of us on the spectrum suffer from, is some form of sensory overload or over stimulation problems. Very often it is sound related, but not always. Social anxiety can fall into that sensory overload category also, as it can be very hard some of us to "read" the social signals of regular people, and even more so when there are more people involved. We also often have trouble looking people in the eye when talking to them. And many of us, including myself, don't handle change well.

Don't stress about your youthful fecal incontinence. A lot of children have trouble for years. Apparently, it takes longer for some kids to develop control over their bladders and/or bowels. I had a bladder control problem, myself when very young, but not as bad as some kids. I also had bowel problems from undiagnosed IBS and a kink in my bowel. I finally realized I had IBS some years ago as an adult, when reading about it. A colonoscopy I had 5 years ago confirmed my suspicion that I had a kink in my bowel. It is not a total block, as I am able to go every day, but it makes going very difficult, and always has. I have childhood memories of my mother giving me enemas to deal with my back ups. None us knew back then that I had this kink in my bowel. Unfortunately, as long as it is not a total block, I am better off without surgery. I researched this. After intestinal surgery, the surgery site gradually builds up scar tissue, which eventually blocks the intestines again, leading to a need for more surgery, which leads to more scar tissue, more blockage, and more surgery, etc. Eventually, you wouldn't have much intestines left, and would need a colostomy bag. I made it into my 50s without the surgery, so I will pass on it, as long as I can poop without it.

Do check out Asperger's Syndrome, and also social anxiety. Also, you don't need to have all the Asperger's symptoms in order to have Asperger's. It varies with each person and there are a lot of possible symptoms. This is why it took so long for doctors to formally identify the condition.

There is no cure for Asperger's Syndrome, but there are coping methods that help. Your reading or listening to music while at your kids swimming lessons are part of your coping strategies. If your wife ever complains about your not wanting to socialize, just be honest with her and tell her that you are very uncomfortable in social situations. Then suggest that she join some womens activities that would let her socialize without you. This would reduce the stress from this issue on both of you. Music, humor, exercise, and keeping occupied with our interests, are all good coping methods.

Good luck with your research. We on the spectrum are all:

A Different Drummer

If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
Perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
However measured or far away.

--Henry David Thoreau



Cornflake
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16 Nov 2011, 6:37 pm

[Moved from 'Getting to know each other' to 'General Autism Discussion']


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cynthias
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17 Nov 2011, 10:16 pm

First, why do you want to know?

Are you just curious? Do you fear the answer? Or do you think there might be some helpful explanations for your about your life?

Second, I think your suspicions are fair. If you already wonder, and you've cited just a few potentially relevant items, then it is possible. In addition to your behaviours/preferences, you may have already learned about the strong genetic links.

Did you know that there is also a strong genetic link with gluten intolerance? For some, it shows up as celiac disease, IBS, psoriasis, or no symptoms recognized until after going gluten free. At your age, a blood test for gluten intolerance should work. If you can't deal with needles and can accept a yet to be published and very credible/likely more accurate method for gluten intolerance diagnosis, go to: the website for enterolab dot com. Many aspies find that going off gluten reduces the hypersensitivities to light/noise/motion etc such that one simply isn't annoyed as much as usual. . .and not to mention just once a day regular stools. Some people even find that their mind is sharper off gluten.

For adult diagnosis, it seems sometimes that adults can be lousy at diagnosing themselves. Best to see a clinical psychologist with experience diagnosing adults who will use the RAADS/Ritvo scale and will interview your wife (or other daily living associate) WITH you. The thinking behind your and your wife's answers to the same situation is what is revealing to a professional.

Third, if you find a good psych and have a diagnosis, it will allow you to heal from your miserable childhood. Your mom was INCREDIBLY insensitive regarding the incontinence--damaging for aspies and non-aspies alike.

good luck



cynthias
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17 Nov 2011, 10:20 pm

Are those working in science more likely to have a child with autism?

Read more: www dot metro.co.uk/lifestyle/882003-are-those-working-in-science-more-likely-to-have-a-child-with-autism#ixzz1e1Vt1VTc

cites expert Simon Baron-Cohen



Thelostcup
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18 Nov 2011, 2:45 am

I don't think sh*****g your pants everyday factors into this at all, and I have no idea why the f**k you would want to share that.

Maybe you should see a shrink about your social anxiety, since that could be a ton of other issues completely unrelated to the Ass Burgers.



League_Girl
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18 Nov 2011, 4:40 am

Sounds more like social anxiety. You didn't mention if you had any routines or rituals or sensory issues or balance issues or problems with non verbal cues or eye contact or body language.

It's possible you got SA from the bullying because of your incontinence?



readingbetweenlines
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18 Nov 2011, 12:44 pm

I too am inclined to think you suffer from social phobia or anxiety more that AS. The thread posted by Scientist (usually at the top of page 1 of this forum) has 8 or more different online tests you can do.

When I first started reading your post I was a bit taken aback as it's a bit graphic but I think you were right to share it. This can maybe be a step along the way towards sharing this with your wife (when you feel a bit stronger).

I'm not someone who believes spouses should have no secrets, everybody has to have some privacy, even within a marriage. But this history has had a huge impact on you and it will be important to your wife to be aware of it.

As others have suggested this disclosure might best be done within a therapeutic setting to ensure all the pressure isn't on you alone, and as a safety net if reactions are strong.

Welcome to WP, Seerjr. There are plenty of us here with social anxiety.


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