Feeling disconnected from other people.

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autisticstar
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16 Nov 2011, 9:22 am

I am wondering if anyone else here has experienced this feeling of disconnection from other people. It is a very strange feeling and I don't quite know what to do about it. I am married and I have a few friends but on the whole I feel like I am disconnected and not a part of anything. When I try to get involved in things I still feel disconnected from other people and just can't seem to make a connection with anyone. Has anyone found ways to connect or feel more connected to other people?



Radiofixr
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16 Nov 2011, 9:34 am

I feel that way too-I stay in the backround because when I try to approach people they turn away and that starts the cycle of my already very low self esteem and nothing seems to help-I even had another aspie tell me that they had a problem with my personality and my looks-if you don't like those things about a person why are you being or supposedly being my friend-I can't seem to connect with people-even on the internet I cant either it seems. I am not married and never had any kind of relationship-have had deep feelings for another person but it wasn't mutual and it hurt-thats my bad ToM rearing its ugly head.


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DerStadtschutz
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16 Nov 2011, 12:19 pm

Yeah, I find it very difficult to relate to people and their sports and politics(which, in america, at least, are basically the same thing anyway), and their cars and their ideas that women are some sort of trophy... sometimes I wanna just go live in a cave.



questor
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16 Nov 2011, 12:23 pm

I am in my 50s, and have always felt that way. I have never really bonded to anyone, including my relatives. I just go through the motions with the relatives, to maintain a sort of relationship with them, and to keep the peace. There were a very few non relatives that I hung out with growing up, but again, there was no real bond, just going through the motions, to have someone to hang out with, who wasn't picking on me, like the rest of the kids were. I also never had, and never sought a romantic relationship with anyone. I am only able to empathize with people in the abstract, but that's better than nothing, because at least I care to that extent. I don't know of any way to learn how to emotionally connect or bond with people, and at my age, it is unlikely that it will ever happen for me. I have noticed that other people on the spectrum have this problem, and I believe it is a defect that is sometimes part of Autism and Asperger's Syndrome. Since I prefer to be a hermit anyway, it isn't a big problem for me now, but it was a problem while I was growing up, and even as an adult, while I lived with relatives. I live alone now, which is much less stressful. I think this disconnected feeling is part of why we on the spectrum often have trouble with social issues and social cues. It's hard to "read" people when you can't even "connect" or bond with them.

You need to decide how important this issue is to your life. If you are determined to have a partner at some point in your life, or even start a family, this could be a problem for you. I hope things work out okay for you.

Remember, we on the spectrum are all:

A Different Drummer

If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
Perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
However measured or far away.

--Henry David Thoreau



Sweetleaf
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16 Nov 2011, 2:36 pm

Good old derealization/depersonalization......yes I do experiance both quite a bit, and it sounds like that's what you're describing.