Life of Fallacies, Truth and Controversy on Asperger's

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Do I have Asperger's Syndrome?
Yes 90%  90%  [ 9 ]
No 10%  10%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 10

CosmicRush
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25 Nov 2011, 6:08 pm

Before you read this speech I just wrote, I want you to know I believe that there are very many different causes as for why someone might have Asperger's Syndrome, and in no way do I mean to offend anyone who differs in opinions. Another thing you must consider is that I have very radical ideas on the psychology of thoughts and how the human mind works. Most of the things said here are following these ideas of mine. This paper was written spontaneously and has not been reviewed for errors or logical mistakes. If there are errors please point them out to me. Also this is combining ideas of social psychology, MBTI personality typing, and personal experience. Your stories will most likely not match mine, but they probably have a reason behind them. I do not believe most of the people that are diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome are actually deficient. You are born deficient. The rest of you is results from situations and your environment. This is an explanation of my environment. I will be passing this out to teachers at my school possibly!

Gaige Allen-Clark
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25 November 2011
A Life Of Fallacy
I believe that Asperger’s Syndrome can be a higher awareness or that one comes from or with the other. I am sort of self diagnosing myself as Asperger’s Syndrome. Let me explain why. For me I finally might have found a self explanation for my life. As a kid I was so sensitive and honest and took everything literally. This caused me to get made fun of. One example I remember is that I wouldn't curse because my mom told me not to. When I saw other people cuss it would be shocking. It would feel as if I witnessed a murder. I took people's words as absolute truth (funny considering how I'm so skeptical now). As you can guess, when the other kids were only joking with me I took it seriously and deeply.
I knew myself as the freak. I went from being happy and extroverted to becoming anxious and introverted. Now every time I'm around people I'm so very cautious and try to do things normal. I mostly learned all the norms and rules but some concepts I still don't understand are: When is it acceptable to ask a new friend for phone number? And when is it acceptable to talk about deep intellectual things? How do I prevent myself from looking annoying or conversely being avoidant and uncaring? And most importantly, who cares??
I was too innocent and also too bright for this corrupted world. I recently found old standardized test scores and found I was in the 99th percentile, but my mom probably has no idea what means. I thought logically and reasonably while others relied on other people to find correct answers. If I had been stupider and conformed like the other kids I wouldn't have become so "Asperger’s-like". I also realized that stupider people might be less sensitive because they ignore things and they cope with their emotions much more. They go into denial, they lie, they do a lot of fake type of things to make themselves feel better. Their fears take control somehow, in a process I do not fully understand. This way of thinking means they aren't necessarily less sensitive but they are not in much pain because they cope (way too f*****g much). For us (weird people) we might be overly sensitive because we can not use these illogical, broken, useless, erroneous, and problem perpetuating coping skills (that is correct I said we are the weird ones).
Now I’ve grown very unemotional (or so it seems). I am so logical and reasonable that others don't understand me (the conflict with this statement!). I remember I would tell people personal things even if I didn't know them well. Some of the strange things I did were even intentional because I was so curious to why people were afraid the unfamiliar things. An example of this was I wore a lot of girls clothes (skirts even) and broke all the norms. I would also be very blunt. I would think: Why do they treat women better? Are they seriously that desperate for sex?? Or are they just copying and pasting their behavior that they learned from other stupid people?? If a girl/boy said something I didn't like I would just say something completely inappropriate and sometimes inaccurate. I remember one time some girl said: "Is it Halloween already?!" (referring to my clothing) and I replied "Wow you know your fat?" This almost got me assaulted by a group of guys. I was so much “braver” you could say and I would challenge anything I found to be wrong but I also was very immature and did a lot for the thrill of it. For the record, I would never attack or insult people who were nerds or who had any disadvantage or weakness, I actually would go around looking for the people who insulted the weak people.
Now I realize that they must have had shame holding them back. I do not experience shame much anymore. It stopped after middle school mostly (but deep down I know I feel hurt from people's criticism or maybe my loneliness). A lot of my friends have even said I have no emotion, that I'm robotic, or heartless. This isn't necessarily true but I do not value the things they have emotions towards. Ive had people tell me that "they are only human" (how I hate when people use that phrase). The strange thing though is that the emotions I do have are very much like a childlike innocence. I still conserved a lot of my super innocent ideals like no cussing and no drugs but lately I get more logical and sort of see all these ideals as illogical. I get very annoyed when I see other people following ideals that conflict and contradict with what seems to me like an obvious reality.
Another issue that arises with socializing is that I am (the only person on Earth) interested in intellectual things like science, evolution, cosmology, psychology and much more while they are interested in partying. When I go to the movies I point out all the illogical parts or how it's ridiculous and unrealistic. It is very hard for me to watch something so mindless as 300 or a lot of normal movies. These movies continuously portray man as separate and more civilized than animals and even superior to animals (hah!).
For the longest time I wanted to be normal, accepted, and have friends. This was because I looked at “normal” as well as the majority to be correct. It would seem that the most common person should be the one doing it right (I guess?). But now I'm seeing things in ways I have never allowed myself to. I have been noticing how illogical and wrong humans are. They are contradicting themselves nonstop.
I have spent the last few years of my life researching personal interests and not paying enough attention to school. I now know so much about physics, psychology, and so much more. I have also learned that people of my personality type INTP do all the things I do. INTP is Introverted(shy), iNtuition (think of future), Thinker (logic and theory, abstractions), and Perceiver (creative and problem solver). Their are 2 options for each letter, the opposite of mine would be ESTP: Extroverted (act first, think later concerns for popularity), Sensor (in the now, cares of pleasure and pain), Feeler (empathy I guess, but mostly stupid emotional thinking), and lastly Judger (order, organization and following rules made by others). To my dismay I found out that INTP is very rare and only 1% of population. I also found out that among gifted children INTP is the majority personality. Even more interesting is that Aspergers's people are mostly all INTP INTJ and ISTJ. Also a very high percentage of gifted people get diagnosed (by the normal people) as ADHD, Asperger’s, and a list of other things. Just something to think about. Could it be that being so alone and thinking differently may have some effect on the disorders the develop?
Going back to my path to self actualization. The INTPs do not accept a belief based on how accepted it is by popularity but they need it to be logical. They are known as the "thinker" types. Einstein interestingly was known as INTP and Aspergers. Sadly the statistics show that INTP types drop out at almost 50% rate, and also shows that along with INTJ it is the type that most highly intelligent individuals become. INTJ doesn't drop out as much because the follow systems and school favors those that follow, rather than those who create and think.
A major problem is normal people are just taking in info without really understanding any of it. They get defensive and weird and subjective. I hate it. Neurotypical is a disease. Trust me. It is like religion. Religion is terrible and illogical and incorrect yet it's popularity makes it not seem so insane. Neurotypicals are the ones who think religion is normal. We don't trust ourselves because we are such a minority but I realize now that we need to because we are right!!
For example, the other day I noticed a lot of flaws in my psychology professors lesson. She has a masters degree but for some reason I understand psychology much more fluently than her. She started getting emotional and defensive when I questioned all of it. She even started saying denial things such as “Well I don’t know I’m just a normal person. I don’t go around thinking about these things just because I’m a psychologist.” Normally I would doubt my own self if the teachers information doesn't match with mine. Later, looking up my information I was completely correct. Now I beginning to realize humans are so terribly stupid. All of their systems are wrong. Everyone is completely brainwashed (that is exactly how systems effect people). And I want to fix this but I know it's not very probable.
The last few years I’ve had so much self-realization. I've been looking at different diseases/disorders, even schizophrenia, to explain why I'm so different. Recently I have come to realize I may have been intellectually gifted and this could have been what caused me to get so socially screwed. Normal people are as stupid as each other. If you are too stupid or too smart then you are kind of rejected from it all. Smarter people get tricky though because they can be convinced they are having problems that make them different and they won't consider that intelligence could be what makes them different (How arrogant am I?).
We live in a world that promotes following systems and instructions. If you are creative and problem solver then you are rejected. The thing normal people don't realize is that they are following these systems they believe are created by the highest intelligences (or even gods) and that they are completely correct and normal. But quickly after thinking about everything you realize humans are screwed up. Their systems are wrong. If you propose a more correct system or challenge the authority of the major system you are not safe. They don’t care about the system working, they are concerned about socially pleasing their peers. This is where part of the system itself becomes a rule/norm that you can not oppose the authority that created this system. People just assume all is true without taking any thought in.
I am introverted and alone because it's one of the only options. Other options are: I can conform to the wrong side (stupidity/normality), I can introvert myself, or most idealistically and improbably I can change the world. I have started to consider changing the world now that I feel I can understand it quite well. I only hope one day I really will be able to live in a world where I can relate to others. Stupid seems to win by majority, but I have faith that intelligence can someday rise to a new world power. Thank you for your time!



mar00
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25 Nov 2011, 7:39 pm

I can relate to you a lot but then again even though I do have official diagnosis I think I might have just fooled them (+SAD+ADHD). There is a lot of deviations as well I would tell you more but I am not a wordy person. What I can say is that I certainly had this worldview a few (five) years ago before I went to college. There was a lot of hate involved as well so I am unsure of whether its similar, hate and dissatisfaction, a feeling of almost deprivation. Anything social seemed so goddamn stupid. I was naive and kindhearted but never felt adequate connection. Anyhow, it is very difficult to make sense of other people. However now I think that I've made some and I might have been wrong. Stuff is so complicated, so relative and many-faced. What counts for stupidity - life is tough. Maybe my being socially inept led me to adopt this viewpoint. I've learned so much in the past few years which tought me some humility. Anyway what I want to say that if you seek some mental stimulation and a respectable community try aiming as high as you can in those areas you are interested in - if you manage to get into one of the best universities and excell in your subject I am sure you will not be disappointed. Well actually you might, but certainly you might learn that people are far more intelligent than it might seem from antisocial point of view. Just something to ponder, my thoughts/experience only.

Ed: Just to add something which might be out of place - you might really just be unfortunate with your surroundings (especially If you live in USA.. ). Anyway, I think I know from where you are coming from and I still hold a good portion of similar viewpoints.



Last edited by mar00 on 25 Nov 2011, 8:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.

pensieve
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25 Nov 2011, 8:20 pm

You're not going to like this but I'm picking up a lot of hurt in your post and for someone logical you are letting your emotions do the talking.
I think you may need to do more research on Asperger's and maybe seek an official diagnoses. You remind me of me in the early days of my diagnosis, so angry and I begun to reject the world.
You need to stop generalising; every NT is not stupid. I used to think the same thing myself until I found people accepting of my differences and even as nerdy as me. I don't call anyone stupid any more.
Yes, there is a part of society that listens to the media to tell them how to be but you will be surprised to find that not everybody is like this.

As for religion...I'm not going to touch that. I have a good relationship with God. I don't go to church, talk to any other Christians or tell people what they should believe. They can believe in what they want as long as they let me believe in what I want.

I don't think you should give this to your teachers, it's too angry. I think you need to spend more time on this. Spend more time here and learn more about your condition or if you even have it. You could just be gifted.

And introverted does not mean shy. Shyness is a very mild form of anxiety. Introverted just means you can be energised by just being on your own and tire out of social interaction quickly. I know many introverted NT's (even fancy one). And extroverted does not mean stupid/impulsive. I know many extroverted people with ADHD who have high IQs and see the world just how you do. There are many errors in your post on word meanings too. You don't know everything, not yet - so why act like you're smarter than everybody else?
You are partly right about people with less intelligence when they act on emotions, but I think it takes some knowledge to put logic before emotions and I have found people do get defensive if you correct them about something because they think you are showing off your smarts, even if you just want to educate them.
I'm guessing you're young, seeing as you go to school/college. Hopefully you will find people you can be on the same wavelength with. I don't talk to anyone I went to school with but I made friends eventually, lost them (because I too tried to act normal) and now I have a small group of friends; some seem extremely normal (sports omg) but a few friends who are as nerdy as me. I've found even NT's who are into 'normal' things are much different when they're alone, and that's what I like.

Well, I'm much older now and I know not everyone is stupider than me and those that are make great students, whether they want to be or not.


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cathylynn
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25 Nov 2011, 8:33 pm

i, like you, am at that 99th percentile. i found that in graduate school there were folks who loved the subject as much as i did, so friends were easy to make.

i have never felt i had any special insight as a result of living with autism, except perhaps to be able to relate to other folks with autism.



CosmicRush
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26 Nov 2011, 2:53 pm

Hey, thank you all for replying. I might have been pretty emotional when I wrote this, but also I was so inspired and excited. Normally I am very logical and not emotional but this last week I have been breaking down and realizing their is like this emotional side to me. I even cried last night for the first time in years. I never use emotion for any decisions though. Sadly not even with my girlfriend. I remember I argued with her about going to Homecoming dance and I said "Do you realize that technically we are just giving the school our money to go to the school and pretend like its something more? Do you realize we could do things that are actually fun rather than things that are normal?"
Also I am probably very emotional because I am stressing out about how alone I am. Not many people can understand things I find simple. I used to reject emotion and say its pointless but right now I've realized it is pretty illogical to reject them ;) just don't use them for anything. Also with my post I am trying to bring on arguments. I love debates. I purposely word things very touchy, as to hit the reader so I get a very real response and not a false response. I do not mean to manipulate though. I feel as though I have so many great visions for the world but since they aren't normal they can't happen. One such example would be my idea on marriage and sex, we should separate the humans and breed them based on genes. The biological parents won't be the ones to raise the child but instead the child raisers would be specially trained to raise kids, as not to screw up. We should stop all this fast food and good tasting food and give people the perfect food diet and regulate things to be more perfect. Though, I might not be so happy in this system personally I know it is a much more perfect system than the current. I think that is my INTP thinking for you ;)
Also here are other symptoms I have that fit in Autism Symptoms:
- As a kid food can't touch or I can't eat it
- Can't drink soda because it burns my tongue with crazy sensation
- I would have many obsessive interests in favorite bands to a creepy point and friends would freak out and tell me to stop
- Now my obsessive interests are physics, psychology, finding out the whole universe.
- I would always be extremely honest and felt like lying was an ultimate sin
- I had a lot of empathy though, especially towards animals.
- I can not express myself. It feels incredibly hard and uncomfortable. It is easy to tell people how I feel though. an example is my gf tries to get me to talk in an accent or be silly and I am so afraid to or I don't know it feels so hard somehow
- I am very blunt with people, I would tell people very personal things.
- I explain my gfs behavior logically and scientifically to her when she is mad because to me I feel like she shouldn't be acting that way if it contradicts herself or I think it would cause her to stop?
- Sensitive to light, I used to be the weird guy that no one has seen without sun glasses, even inside.. kind of weird.
- I didn't always shower and take care of myself
- Much more.



CosmicRush
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26 Nov 2011, 3:52 pm

pensieve wrote:
You're not going to like this but I'm picking up a lot of hurt in your post and for someone logical you are letting your emotions do the talking.
I think you may need to do more research on Asperger's and maybe seek an official diagnoses. You remind me of me in the early days of my diagnosis, so angry and I begun to reject the world.
You need to stop generalising; every NT is not stupid. I used to think the same thing myself until I found people accepting of my differences and even as nerdy as me. I don't call anyone stupid any more.
Yes, there is a part of society that listens to the media to tell them how to be but you will be surprised to find that not everybody is like this.

As for religion...I'm not going to touch that. I have a good relationship with God. I don't go to church, talk to any other Christians or tell people what they should believe. They can believe in what they want as long as they let me believe in what I want.

I don't think you should give this to your teachers, it's too angry. I think you need to spend more time on this. Spend more time here and learn more about your condition or if you even have it. You could just be gifted.

And introverted does not mean shy. Shyness is a very mild form of anxiety. Introverted just means you can be energised by just being on your own and tire out of social interaction quickly. I know many introverted NT's (even fancy one). And extroverted does not mean stupid/impulsive. I know many extroverted people with ADHD who have high IQs and see the world just how you do. There are many errors in your post on word meanings too. You don't know everything, not yet - so why act like you're smarter than everybody else?
You are partly right about people with less intelligence when they act on emotions, but I think it takes some knowledge to put logic before emotions and I have found people do get defensive if you correct them about something because they think you are showing off your smarts, even if you just want to educate them.
I'm guessing you're young, seeing as you go to school/college. Hopefully you will find people you can be on the same wavelength with. I don't talk to anyone I went to school with but I made friends eventually, lost them (because I too tried to act normal) and now I have a small group of friends; some seem extremely normal (sports omg) but a few friends who are as nerdy as me. I've found even NT's who are into 'normal' things are much different when they're alone, and that's what I like.

Well, I'm much older now and I know not everyone is stupider than me and those that are make great students, whether they want to be or not.

Hey I just read more of your message, I'm not sure why but you don't seem to understand. You say I am not introverted? I have had times where I am very open to people but I am INTP completely. I don't talk to many people and when I do I am sort of just playing along. Sorry for being so opinionated, I do look at opinionated as pretty stupid ;) but I feel like I want things to happen now and I want to do something about all these issues. I used to think there was this "smart authority" where all the smart people were not wrong and mostly knew what they were talking about. You are obviously still in this because you stated you are religious. Even though religion contradicts with reality and science and it is human made, and even contradicts with itself (unless you decide some parts are metaphor while some is real). I am sorry if I am going into touchy topics but I feel that religion is very warped and can not cause much good in the world. Careful here, you will most likely reply with illogical nonsense stating something that religion does that is good but it is only good in the eyes of religion. These things might be "Death is bad" or even "death is good" when really life is neutral. It is selfish subjective ideals that cause things to seem good or bad. But morally death can be considered good in this point of time. But not equally for everyone. Relative to the human race and the health of the planet, we should bring death upon a lot of humans. There are no positives of keeping everyone alive right now. It is causing our own problems. You may find it sickening to hear this but I find it sickening that you believe we should do this to the world, no? To be honest though, I am very neutral about most things and I do not care that much about the well being of me, the earth, and humans but if I were to choose a more morally correct side it would be the death of many humans. It is illogical to think that is harsh and it is extremely biased by your culture and religion. Not every NT is stupid but I meant more that we may be misdiagnosing gifted as autism and adhd and many more. Because our society is built to handle stupid mindless clone type of people. Those people will sit and move slowly and not think too much. They are great workers though. It seemed to me that gifted is sometimes diagnosed as autistic because of how "not on the same level" they can be. They see the interests of science and math as obsessive, because normal people arent supposed to be into that. the way we raise the kid though can make the obsessions stronger, I really can't go too much into that right now. I know it needs proof but I would need to go into my theory of thoughts. Also would you be a person that thinks gay and straight are ways you are born? I think they are almost conditioned and environmental. But most people seem to not think abstractly about that and think what I mean is "if your around gay people you will be gay" when that is ignorant. That is such a non abstract form of thinking hahaha! I may not have an actual disorder but I know for sure I am freaky and not normal. Also I do not care about the label of the disorder but I'm more concerned about how I can fit other pieces of information into my large theory everything. I am sorry if I offend you, but truth should not offend. Correct me anywhere I am not true. Use logic though, or else I will not understand. I think you misunderstood what I wrote in my paper. It really seems this way to me. Maybe the reason I'm different is that I'm constantly obsessively analyzing every single second of my life. I have learned so much because of this and I like it. I do not like the consequences it comes with though, being separated and not having anyone to relate or share ideas with. Strangely no one seems to care about things like origin or universe and stuff.