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aussiebloke
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02 Aug 2014, 12:04 am

^^^^

Their not trained professionals , these ignorant people are the ones who label school shooters as "evil" without knowing all the facts , at my worst i think i could have been another statistic if i some one had given me a gun . 8O Thankfully their are some who are well trained and observant every 2 years i have a "review" to try to get me off the disability pension , the government doctor within moments told me to go back to my GP for treatment funnily enough i didn't think i was that bad at the time :roll:

I've been so long on the pension i think the government has given up on me, so much so when i asked if they can help me find part time work they asked why would you, you don't have to !


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kotshka
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02 Aug 2014, 2:17 am

None of the "trained professionals" I've talked to have ever really listened or believed me either. Most of them insisted there was nothing wrong with me because I'm able to function, work, live independently. They wouldn't diagnose me with anything unless I was unable to function. Several suggested that I just needed to get more exercise. One suggested that my problem stems from an inability to plan for the future, because I'm almost 30 and have no intention of starting a family.

Only one doctor ever agreed that I might need some real help beyond a little talking therapy and herbal tea. But he assumed that I was simply neurotic. He didn't see my last manic episode (I couldn't get an appointment until it was long over). He seemed to believe that I was telling the truth, but not that it was really mania. He decided I probably only had severe anxiety issues. He prescribed me antidepressants, which triggered another manic episode. He was out of the office on a holiday when this happened and I couldn't get in to see him again until the episode had ended.

I only took one of those pills. Gave the rest back to him, told him there was no way in hell I would take antidepressants ever again, because this is the second time they have triggered mania. He agreed that antidepressants are not a suitable treatment for mania. He said that if I really want to try lithium, he would be willing to prescribe it to me, but that he doesn't think I need it and that I "seem fine" for the time being. I decided not to take them, and haven't been to another doctor since.

If I wanted to try lithium or another mood stabilizer, I could make an appointment with him (though it might take a month or longer to get in) and he'd give them to me. But I still can't decide. I'm suffering constantly, but every single person in my life insists that I don't need any help, because I go to work every day, I pay my bills, I can keep it together when other people are around. On those lucky rare occasions when I get hypomania, everyone does notice. They get annoyed with me, tell me to calm down, ask me what the hell is wrong with me. But usually it's the real mania, and people say I just seem quiet and sort of agitated. I'm afraid to speak, afraid to deviate from my routine. Everyone will know. The bad people will get me. Even if I know it's not real, I can't make it stop. Even with tranquilizers I can't sleep, and the few hours I manage each night are riddled with nightmares. But I put all my energy into faking it, something that is very, very easy for me, and no one can see the monsters in my head.

And the rest of the time is the depression. Barely able to move. Crying silently because I don't have the energy to scream. Making excuses to avoid seeing people. Just barely scraping by at work. Not eating enough. Hating myself for being unable to pull myself together and just shake it off like it seems everyone else in the world around me is able to do.

Generally, people don't notice the depression either. At the most, people get annoyed with me. I have had several people, even at work, approach me and tell me to stop looking so miserable all the time. That it wouldn't kill me to smile and be friendly once and a while. Those poor people. I must be ever-so-slightly inconveniencing them. It must be so hard for them to have to look at my unsmiling face. I'm so selfish for not hiding my depression better.

But the worst is right now. Mixed. Agitated, nervous, jumping at every shadow. Seeing giant spiders out of the corners of my eyes. Not able to sleep at night. But not able to wake up in the morning. Having no energy. Feeling hopeless and exhausted and lost and alone in the world. No one will help me. I don't even know if I deserve help. Other people have it so much worse than me.

Now I have to go to the post office to pick up an official letter from the foreigner police. I'm terrified. It could be an exit order. Maybe they're rejecting my application to extend my visa. I don't know what I'll do if that happens. My life would fall apart. I've lived here for 5 years. It's my home.



aussiebloke
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02 Aug 2014, 4:40 pm

^^^

I did say some :wink:


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18 Aug 2014, 12:58 am

I went off Aropax (Paxil) without severe withdrawals. I'm back on it and well it was working for a bit, but I'm finding myself becoming manic again. I don't have much depression anymore. I did crash hard after one manic episode went out of control but I'm trying my best to ignore my compulsions; the stuff I really want to do. The energy does eventually fade. I'm doing a lot of writing too which usually exhausts my mania but it isn't. I'm not even sure how long it will last. But my normal moods don't last for long. It's a shame, only a few weeks ago I thought I finally knew what it felt like to feel normal emotions.

The psychiatrist who could finally diagnose me and put me on the right meds is just too expensive at the moment and I'll have to go back to the psych who doesn't believe me at all about bipolar just so I can stay on the pension. Or I can work for the dole while manic and see if they want me back the next day. I'm still far too rapid cycling to be able to work.


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aussiebloke
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18 Aug 2014, 4:31 am

^^^^

Are you sure it's mania for a moment their I thought the adrenalin rush was mania , not helped when outsiders thought I was depressive , anyways I was right I suggested beta blockers and it helps quite a bit :D ,

Silly doctors could have suggested this what use are they apart from writing scripts :roll:

No side effects to .


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20 Aug 2014, 12:15 am

aussiebloke wrote:
^^^^

Are you sure it's mania for a moment their I thought the adrenalin rush was mania , not helped when outsiders thought I was depressive , anyways I was right I suggested beta blockers and it helps quite a bit :D ,

Silly doctors could have suggested this what use are they apart from writing scripts :roll:

No side effects to .

My bank account thinks it's mania. My mania is definitely less controllable than when I was off meds. Not as bad when I was on Ritalin. I think I've just come down from being manic for 6 days. It wasn't as bad as last time.


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20 Aug 2014, 4:20 am

^^^

Sorry you confused me what did you mean by bank account?
My gp thinks anxiety and depression are two sides of the same coin , In my experience I think his wrong , why did antidepressants have little to no affect on me ? Yet beta blockers did , strange I went from 180 mg to 360 mg on the BB's and their was no improvement upped it another 180 mg and really noticed the benefits , thank god for the internet I was told in OZtralia you can only go to 360mg , yet in the usa it's 640 mg ! (the dose I'm on )


People here should try it ...........................


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aussiebloke
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20 Aug 2014, 4:23 am

Got it ?
Mania makes you recklessly spend money ?


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21 Aug 2014, 9:51 am

aussiebloke wrote:
Got it ?
Mania makes you recklessly spend money ?


Yep.


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21 Aug 2014, 9:57 am

aussiebloke wrote:
My gp thinks anxiety and depression are two sides of the same coin , In my experience I think his wrong , why did antidepressants have little to no affect on me ? Yet beta blockers did , strange I went from 180 mg to 360 mg on the BB's and their was no improvement upped it another 180 mg and really noticed the benefits , thank god for the internet I was told in OZtralia you can only go to 360mg , yet in the usa it's 640 mg ! (the dose I'm on )


I experience anxiety separately from depression, although sometimes depression follows anxiety if I exhaust myself from panicking too much. My GP actually thinks I need a to be on a high dose to treat my anxiety. I think he may be right. It depends how much something makes me anxious, like going overseas. I had anxiety over every little thing, all because a massive change was going to happen. I didn't care that much about going anyway. My family put pressure on me to go.


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21 Aug 2014, 4:07 pm

^^^

Hope you get better soon , doubtful anybody could fully recover from severe anxiety and or depression , if you can improve 40% , 50 % 60 % you will be so grateful and will make what you had seem like a walk in the park .


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22 Aug 2014, 12:16 am

aussiebloke wrote:
^^^

Hope you get better soon , doubtful anybody could fully recover from severe anxiety and or depression , if you can improve 40% , 50 % 60 % you will be so grateful and will make what you had seem like a walk in the park .

Thanks. Yeah. They're not as bad as they used to be.


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22 Aug 2014, 4:56 am

^^^

Post beta blocker I worked out SALT is no good, 1st day salt free and already noticed a good improvement ! yes salt can stimulate the nervous system (adrenalin ) wish the doctors could have told me this :roll:


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aussiebloke
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22 Aug 2014, 5:15 pm

pensieve wrote:
aussiebloke wrote:
^^^

Hope you get better soon , doubtful anybody could fully recover from severe anxiety and or depression , if you can improve 40% , 50 % 60 % you will be so grateful and will make what you had seem like a walk in the park .

Thanks. Yeah. They're not as bad as they used to be.


I think before you wrote about the disability pension stay on it why bother , did you know conceited people are rejecting me for volunteer positions (nice to know it's not just me others complain on the www) The disability agency also tell me because I have a short work history I'm not desirable for a part time menial job , what about illiterate Philippine or Sudanese refugees who's only experience is sitting in a camp with a possible questionable past why can they have these jobs and not I ?

You know I've even had builders reject doing a quote as the darlings didn't like my anxiety voice (quivering ?) I wonder if I had the voice of a cerbal palsy, Parkinson or mild retardation would that be more acceptable to them ? :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

Sometimes I despise humanity , shame on them


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aussiebloke
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23 Aug 2014, 10:03 pm

pensieve wrote:
aussiebloke wrote:
My gp thinks anxiety and depression are two sides of the same coin , In my experience I think his wrong , why did antidepressants have little to no affect on me ? Yet beta blockers did , strange I went from 180 mg to 360 mg on the BB's and their was no improvement upped it another 180 mg and really noticed the benefits , thank god for the internet I was told in OZtralia you can only go to 360mg , yet in the usa it's 640 mg ! (the dose I'm on )


I experience anxiety separately from depression, although sometimes depression follows anxiety if I exhaust myself from panicking too much. My GP actually thinks I need a to be on a high dose to treat my anxiety. I think he may be right. It depends how much something makes me anxious, like going overseas. I had anxiety over every little thing, all because a massive change was going to happen. I didn't care that much about going anyway. My family put pressure on me to go.


It sounds more like phobias with anxiety , I only have the latter , though do fear of looking silly because of it , having to appear normal for other peoples benefit only makes things 10 X worse is it any wonder most of us want to be left alone 8)

Speaking of discrimination before where you aware Robin Williams (who suicided recently) kept his depression-anxiety - Parkinson under wraps for employment related reasons , it's so sad , hopefully these disabilities will become as fashionable as Cancer , though I doubt it when 50 % are likely to get it , never mind


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24 Aug 2014, 5:02 am

One day salt free

Considerable improvement , how many people would know this can contribute to anxiety , I certainly didn't know , why isn't this information freely available :roll: , anyways keep this in mind you will be surprised how much diet plays a part . 8O


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