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SkyeAspie
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04 Jun 2014, 8:44 pm

Just joined wrong planet. I am diagnosed bipolar, OCD, Tourrettes and undiagnosed Asperger's.



SkyeAspie
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04 Jun 2014, 8:49 pm

Just joined wrong planet. I am diagnosed bipolar, OCD, Tourrettes and undiagnosed Asperger's.



Angnix
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07 Jun 2014, 1:10 pm

I just wanted to post here to say that I hate bipolar. The AS is not what is ruining my life, in fact my special interest has benefited my life. I can't chalk up my bipolar as a wrong diagnosis, I've had distinctly bipolar things happen to me and the doctors and the therapists agree I have bipolar. I was told my childhood nightmare involved childhood bipolar disorder and I think it really was, mixed with AS symptoms. I could have gotten along without screaming meltdowns, special ed classes, personal aids and similar things thank you very much!

As an adult, bipolar ruined my career path. I had a severe manic episode when I was trying to get experience to go to grad school. Instead of getting my Master's, I'm on several bipolar meds in an attempt to stay sane and I'm poor as heck. I love my husband very much, but my bipolar is ruining our chance at a normal life. My lithium is preventing us from starting a family and I react badly to changing my meds and trying to start a family would sacrifice how well I am doing now. I'm thinking about going back to college to try to get my Master's but I don't know.

I want to rip bipolar out of my body :(


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SharinEverything
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15 Jun 2014, 12:02 am

Hey all: I'm currently in the middle of a mixed episode, right now more on the down side. This happens every spring as I transition from depressed (winter) to hypomanic (summer). Astute observers will intuit that I have Bipolar 2. Well, and of course ASD. I find the medical community and the mental health community pretty abhorent, and here with ASD you are with Developmental Disabilities and with Bipolar D/O you have to go to mental health. As if we could carve our experience up into neatly compartmentalized experience? God, yes, I would LOVE that! but no, it seems each interacts with the other; when I'm hypomanic I just don't care, or can ignore other people easily and focus on whatever the all-encompassing passion is at the time.

At any rate (I'll let the tangent stand), THANK YOU ALL! Most of the time I feel very isolated and like no one will understand (though I've heard 40% of Aspies have Something on their Axis I, but who knows if we can believe statistics), A) for listening, esp. if I sound loopy; B) sharing! esp. the two recent angry posts--very much reflected my experience.

And may I close by saying: sometimes I LOVE Aspergers. My son has Aspergers, and I love EVERYTHING about this remarkable child! There is none other like him. But right now I DETEST it. I wish I could connect with people, and I hate that they think I think like them, or at least that I should think like them, and get angry when I don't (even tho of course I've told them I don't and not to get ruffled when I don't.) Then sometimes I think, I am in their life to see their darkness. Only they never do, cuz they jet. If anyone idenfies with this, I am gonna start a new thread cuz I'm flummoxed.

Sorry this is random and unorganized (though I think I maintained paragraph structure very admirably) but I am, today.



badgirlali
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18 Jun 2014, 4:38 am

Hello. I am new on this site and have already learnt something. My oldest is 24 and suffers mental health. He has also just been told that he is Asperger's My youngest is 21 and have schizophrenia. I never knew until now that there is a link between Mental health and Asperger's. My mother suffered all her life, she could be a good loving woman and then another time she could be a witch. You never knew from one day to the next what you was going to walk into. I suffer from depression but with help from my husband get though it each time. (Never got as bad as mum did, Just go very quiet and try to hide away at times ) Could the family history be a link to my two boys.



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18 Jun 2014, 4:32 pm

Hi guys. I'm hoping for some feedback from Bipolar II folks.

I've only had a few instances of mania that I'm aware of, but they've been bad. Seriously bad. Psychosis, paranoia, delusions, just awful stuff.

For the past couple of months I've been on a downswing. No energy, just tired and grumpy all the time, feeling useless for being unable to do things I want to do, feeling like I'm wasting my life for no reason. Even being aware that it's out of my control and not my fault really doesn't help matters.

I'm finding myself looking forward to the next upswing and hoping it will come soon.. I know how awful the mania can be, but at the moment it feels like it would be better than this. At least I'd be doing something, even if I was jumping at every shadow and seeing images of people ripping my skin off with their teeth. I keep telling myself that this time it will be different. This time I'll be ready for it. It will be the first time going into a manic episode with the awareness that it is a manic episode and I'm not just going insane. I know it will be worse than I think, but still, I hope it will be better than sitting around all day like a slug, unable to even sit up straight.

And what I'm finding most of all is that I'm jealous of people who get hypomania. It sounds just... wonderful. Nevermind the possibility of doing foolish things, even potentially dangerous things. Energy? Motivation? Confidence? Big ideas? That all sounds like a dream. I'm always either unable to get up off the couch or shaking in the corner hiding from the lizard people.

So what I'd like to hear is what hypomanic people have to say about this. Is it the dream I imagine it to be? I know it can't be all good, but really, honestly, when you get hypomanic... does it really feel as wonderful as it sounds?

I've tried just about every drug there is, and some of them have put me in a state of true euphoria. The idea of staying that way for days or weeks or months almost makes me want to cry. Is it really that good? Or is there a massive downside I'm not seeing?



kotshka
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18 Jun 2014, 4:35 pm

badgirlali wrote:
Hello. I am new on this site and have already learnt something. My oldest is 24 and suffers mental health. He has also just been told that he is Asperger's My youngest is 21 and have schizophrenia. I never knew until now that there is a link between Mental health and Asperger's. My mother suffered all her life, she could be a good loving woman and then another time she could be a witch. You never knew from one day to the next what you was going to walk into. I suffer from depression but with help from my husband get though it each time. (Never got as bad as mum did, Just go very quiet and try to hide away at times ) Could the family history be a link to my two boys.


These sorts of problems do tend to run in families, and autism seems to be related to schizophrenia, so yeah, the problems in your family history almost certainly have an impact on your kids. Fortunately the world is becoming more aware and understanding of these problems, and new treatment options are popping up all the time. At the very least, we have the internet and communities like this, so we all know we're not alone, and we can try to help each other!



badgirlali
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19 Jun 2014, 3:08 pm

These sorts of problems do tend to run in families, and autism seems to be related to schizophrenia, so yeah, the problems in your family history almost certainly have an impact on your kids. Fortunately the world is becoming more aware and understanding of these problems, and new treatment options are popping up all the time. At the very least, we have the internet and communities like this, so we all know we're not alone, and we can try to help each other![/quote]


Thank you for your answer. Someone told me about this site and yes I agree that it is a good way of knowing that we are not alone. All this is new to me but already I am finding it easier to understand.



SharinEverything
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19 Jun 2014, 7:40 pm

[/quote]I've tried just about every drug there is, and some of them have put me in a state of true euphoria. The idea of staying that way for days or weeks or months almost makes me want to cry. Is it really that good? Or is there a massive downside I'm not seeing?[/quote]

Honestly, it is pretty grand--most of the time. The thing I like most about it is that I am pretty self-conscious and self-judgemental, but when I'm hypomanic, it just doesn't matter. I don't care much what others think of me, I'm having a great time, doing what seems important at the time, don't need too much sleep, etc. The downside? no, not massive. But I always over-commit because so many things seem so important, and I have so much energy and enthusiasm. Then my depression hits after a couple of weeks of mixed mood transition, and I can't follow through on anything, let so many people down, and that just feeds the depression more.

Here is what I've learned about the depression though: After having been on Tegretol for over 20 years (for anti-mania), I had to go off of it when I lost my insurance, and my depression has been MUCH milder since. In addition, I took the Tegretol for Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, so I started smoking cannabis for the depression. After figuring out what strain helped my anxiety most, I've had no seizures (this will be my 3rd year--my moods cycle once a year, with the sun) and my depression/anxiety has also been greatly helped. In states where it's legal, you can get oils that will not make you high, but work fine. A personal choice, but it's also said to help with a lot of the sensory stuff of ASDs. However, if you've never tried it, do it with someone else the first time or two; most people don't experience much the first time, but if you overdo it, it can make you really anxious! But you cannot overdose enough to need medical attention. Psychiatric on the other hand? Depends on you-specific variables.

Best of luck.
Camela :shaking2:



SharinEverything
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19 Jun 2014, 7:53 pm

I love my anti-depressant, and I hate it. The first I took (on two different occasions) were tri-cyclics, and made me hypomanic on one occasion, and VERY hypomanic on the second (landing me in the hospital for 17 days). These are totally NOT to be taken with bipolar disorder. Next they put me on Paxil and it works like a dream. However, there are three big problems with it: 1) complete loss of sex drive. Really wrecks a marriage. 2) there is a HORRIBLE, PROTRACTED WITHDRAWAL. If you can make it on any other med, DON'T take Paxil! Some of the newer anti-depressants have this effect, but none as bad as Paxil, from what I've heard. Not just depression and irritability, but VIOLENCE. If you stop it suddenly, you may have such problems with balance that you can't walk, drive reliably, and may even throw up. It takes a LONG time to get off of the s**t, and don't do it without a doctor's supervision. If they resist, tell them you'll go off anyway, and you'd appreciate it if they'd help so that you can do it safely. 3) teeth grinding. I cracked my back molars forward to back, all the way thru. They drilled and capped it, but I ground those off, and now need to have at least one tooth pulled. Others are also on their way. So, stay away from this one, carefully query your doctor about any and all side effects before you start something.

Camela whose mixed mood has resolved, but I'm not hypomanic yet! Waaaaa! :x



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28 Jun 2014, 9:48 pm

...



badgirlali
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29 Jun 2014, 8:23 am

[quote="SharinEverything"]I Not just depression and irritability, but VIOLENCE. If you stop it suddenly, you may have such problems with balance that you can't walk, drive reliably, and may even throw up. It takes a LONG time to get off of the sh**, and don't do it without a doctor's supervision. If they resist, tell them you'll go off anyway, and you'd appreciate it if they'd help so that you can do it safely.
:x[/quote



I have to agree with this but with all depression medication. My husband is Clinical depression but was pressured to take himself of his medication by people that thought they knew better, He coped for a few days and then just snapped. I ending up in the wardrobe the hard way and he ended up on stronger medication. The second time he came off he did it slowly and with support, He have been of them for 4 years. If you are on depression tablets and want to come off them seek doctors advice first. Never just stop them. You can get VIOLENCE. My husband is not a violence man and have always regretted what happened that day but I never blamed him. It was the fault of stopped the medication straight off instead of coming of them slowly. Always do it with the doctors supervision and remain safe.



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18 Jul 2014, 2:39 pm

Anyone have any advice for dealing with a mixed state? For the past few weeks I've hardly been able to get up, just exhausted all the time, no motivation to do anything (not even to play video games, which I normally love). At the same time, I'm anxious and paranoid all the time. Whenever I go outside, it looks like everyone is watching me, that they're all just bad people. Whenever I'm around men I feel certain that they want to rape me. I end up hiding inside my apartment all the time.

I can deal with depression on its own, but anything that helps depression makes the mania worse. Anything that helps the mania (like smoking cannabis, for example), makes the depression worse. I really don't want to go on medication. I've survived episodes like this before. But I'm hoping maybe someone else will have some suggestions for how to level myself out a bit?

I'm also trying to stop eating so much sugar. I realized just how much sugar I eat, and recently I've gained a surprising amount of weight. I figure cutting the sugar will help. I'm also trying to make myself get some exercise every day (at least a 30+ min walk or a set of 100 situps or similar exercise). But I'm wondering now if maybe cutting the sugar is actually contributing to the current problem. I know sugar is addictive and people can go through withdrawal when they stop eating it... Thoughts?



badgirlali
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18 Jul 2014, 3:00 pm

[quote="kotshka"]Anyone have any advice for dealing with a mixed state? For the past few weeks I've hardly been able to get up, just exhausted all the time, no motivation to do anything (not even to play video games, which I normally love). At the same time, I'm anxious and paranoid all the time. Whenever I go outside, it looks like everyone is watching me, that they're all just bad people. Whenever I'm around men I feel certain that they want to rape me. I end up hiding inside my apartment all the time.

I can deal with depression on its own, but anything that helps depression makes the mania worse. Anything that helps the mania (like smoking cannabis, for example), makes the depression worse. I really don't want to go on medication. I've survived episodes like this before. But I'm hoping maybe someone else will have some suggestions for how to level myself out a bit?

I'm also trying to stop eating so much sugar. I realized just how much sugar I eat, and recently I've gained a surprising amount of weight. I figure cutting the sugar will help. I'm also trying to make myself get some exercise every day (at least a 30+ min walk or a set of 100 situps or similar exercise). But I'm wondering now if maybe cutting the sugar is actually contributing to the current problem. I know sugar is addictive and people can go through withdrawal when they stop eating it... Thoughts?[/quote



First I think you need to see a doctor, I would suggest some blood tests as being very low in some vitamins and things can make things worse in your mind. You could even be low in sugar but blood tests can show all this. Then you really need someone to talk to, maybe your doctor can suggest someone that you can talk to. Your fear of rape suggest an history in either your life or someone close to you and you rally need to open up about it. As for exercise do not put yourself under pressure with a hard routine but find a fun way to exercise. I got an wee-fit myself with fun games but there is music videos that makes exercising fun and you ore relax. Good luck in everything



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01 Aug 2014, 11:53 am

What happened to this thread? It seems to be dead.

I'm having a rough period. Still seem to be in quite a mixed condition. Can't relax, can't sleep. I think more and more about possibly trying medication. But I have completely mixed feelings about it.

When I try to talk to friends about it, I always get similar reactions. I've never been hospitalized. There's no danger of me trying to kill myself or hurt someone else. I just don't have it in me. I've been faking normal my entire life thanks to growing up autistic in an abusive household, and I'm so good at it that no one believes for a moment that there's anything really wrong with me. People are so used to seeing me "fake-ok" that during the rare times when I'm actually okay, people always ask me what's wrong, because I don't look like "myself."

So when in my desperation I approach a friend to ask their opinion on medication, they always tell me that I surely don't need it. I think they're trying to reassure me, but it comes across the opposite way. They think I need to hear that there's nothing wrong with me. There is. There is most definitely something very, very wrong with me. The ability to persuade others you're fine is not the same as being fine. And so what I hear over and over again echoes what my mother always told me as a child. I'm making it up. There's nothing wrong with me. It's all in my head. I'm a hypochondriac.

It feels like everyone is saying that as long as I'm not a danger to myself or others, as long as I'm not going to kill myself, as long as I've never been hospitalized for psychiatric issues, I don't deserve to feel the way I feel. Like I'm just making puppy dog eyes and feeling sorry for myself when others have it so much worse than me.

I've been hearing it my whole life, from every authority figure since birth. I'm 29 years old now, and it's completely internalized. Logically, I know it's not true, but it's hard to fight that level of lifelong abuse.

When I think about trying medication, I can hear this chorus of voices in my head saying I'm not sick enough to need medication. I've survived 29 years and I will surely keep right on surviving whether I take medication or not. Even during the worst of my psychotic mania, when everyone's faces look like they're melting and everyone wants to rip my skin off and eat it while I watch, I will still pull it together enough to bluff my way through the 4 hours of work a day. Always. If I decide to try medication, it feels like maybe I really am just making excuses. That if I don't need it to survive, then I don't need it. Period.

But where do you draw the line between just barely hanging on and no longer able to hang on? What if I cross that line in the future? How do I even know where that line is? How do I know how much strength I have left, or how close I am to breaking down, if it's never quite happened before?

I'm feeling very lost. No one I talk to seems to understand. They only know me from the outside. I seem perfectly fine. When I mention these issues to people, I'm almost always met with the word "hypochondriac" or comparisons with other people they know with autism or bipolar disorder who are completely different from me. "You're not like this guy I once knew, therefore you don't have that problem."

What's the difference between being okay and being able to look okay? Some people tell me that if you're together enough to look fine on the outside, you must be okay. That if it was really that bad, I wouldn't be able to hide it. They say that's where the line actually is: when it's so bad that you can't hide it anymore, that's when you really need help.

I want to shout in their faces that they're wrong, that I'm a giant mess, just a great actress. But I have no way of knowing if they're wrong or right. For all I know, everyone struggles just as much as me. Maybe I'm not as sick as I think, maybe I really am just being a wuss about it. But it doesn't seem quite right. Surely other people don't fake smile all day then go home and cry for hours, or bang their heads against the wall because of the tornado inside. Surely other people aren't excusing themselves to go use the bathroom just so they can writhe around from the emotional agony, in private where no one can see them. Surely the world doesn't fade to a distant white blur after too much social contact and sensory stimulation; surely they're not all just pretending to listen when they've long since lost the ability to understand words.

Right?

Am I really over-exaggerating how bad it is? Or am I just so incredibly skilled at acting and faking and bullshitting my way through every situation that I should be incredibly proud of how doubtful everyone is?

I don't know. I have no idea.



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02 Aug 2014, 12:04 am

^^^^

Their not trained professionals , these ignorant people are the ones who label school shooters as "evil" without knowing all the facts , at my worst i think i could have been another statistic if i some one had given me a gun . 8O Thankfully their are some who are well trained and observant every 2 years i have a "review" to try to get me off the disability pension , the government doctor within moments told me to go back to my GP for treatment funnily enough i didn't think i was that bad at the time :roll:

I've been so long on the pension i think the government has given up on me, so much so when i asked if they can help me find part time work they asked why would you, you don't have to !


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