Ways you tried making friends being a child

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Wolfheart
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07 Dec 2011, 3:04 am

Burnbridge wrote:
Only way I tried to make "friends" was via BBSes and D&D. Eventually the D&D kids would kick me out because I was too nerdy even for D&D, although they liked the pictures I drew of their characters.


I guess I missed the whole 80's D&D era, I made friends through Pokemon cards or trading Pokemon cards with people. I miss the 90's and I missed the 80's all together, I wish I was born 10 years earlier so I could have at least experienced it to some degree.



WalkingThesaurus
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07 Dec 2011, 4:09 am

I was really terrible at making friends when I was younger. Even now my social skills are quite impaired. During elementary school we were forced to go outside during recess (much to my dismay, I just wanted to sit inside and read) and I would sit on benches the entire time and just think. The teachers would try to make all of the social misfits (a group I was included in) befriend each other but it didn't work because we were all too reserved and in our own bubbles. And then when I transferred schools in 5th grade because of the bullying from the students and the treatment I received from the teachers, I was just seen as the "isn't it adorable how socially awkward that kid is, but let's see how we can provoke them because it's funny?" student, up until high school. Nowadays, it was kind of just luck that I have kids I talk to. I have no idea whether these people are friends or not because I have no real idea what friends are because of my background, but I feel lucky that kids will seriously talk to me and show respect to me. I was painfully shy during the first month or so of high school because I didn't know anyone. But kids would just start introducing themselves to me and it was very nice. And then with group projects, I've never been able to choose groups so in the past teachers would just have me doing stuff individually. But my teachers were putting me in groups which helped a lot and I actually met a lot of really nice people through this. My English teacher makes us sit in table groups that she picks and I got put with three popular athletes, and it's a miracle because they're all so nice to me. I'm certain that some people, most likely from my gym class, think there is something severely wrong with me though because I'd have a lot of meltdowns in that class and in general I had no social abilities and I act quite differently from all of the other kids. But it doesn't matter because I know that right now I have kids who actually care about me and will talk to me and help me. The weirdest part is that none of this was voluntary on my part, so it just demonstrates how kind people at my school are. I also met people I can talk to in debate and I've been an active participant in academic stuff. The staff actually cares about me, which I know because they always talk to me and ask me how I am. In a school of around 1700 kids they say that they know very few of the students but apparently they know me because I actually care and am passionate about debate and academics. My learning counselor works every day with me to make my learning experience the best it can be, and this is the first time in the five schools I've attended that they've actually paid attention to my learning needs and sensitivities and challenges and skills and they are willing to fing the best ways for me to experience each class and succeed. High school, for the most part is playing out miraculously and it is such a relief for me (and my parents have expressed this sentiment as well) that all of this happened, because I know that at most other schools in my city they have severe bullying problems and distant staff and big problems. I am surprised by the social initiative everyone has been taking at my school and it is such a blessing. I can not express enough gratitude for the school I'm at currently, but the social scars of my past haunt me.



Callista
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07 Dec 2011, 5:25 am

Add one to the "didn't try to make friends" category. I simply wasn't interested. I did try in fifth grade because I felt it was expected of me; but I was bored and irritated by it, and felt pressured to change myself to suit others; so I aborted that pretty quickly.

I'm still pretty oblivious to friendships. I mean, there are people I consider friends; but I care about them about as much as I care about strangers--which, by the way, is actually quite a lot, much more than most people would. It's not that I don't like people. I'm actually quite comfortable in company (it's the noise and chaos that bother me). I enjoy trading ideas and having conversations and I like to play role-playing games with others. The difference I observe most is that while most other people seem to need to be with other humans, and to define themselves at least to some extent by their relationships to others, I don't; I'm self-contained. When I interact with others, I do so on my terms, because they are interesting and I am curious.

I don't know why I am different in this respect. It probably has something to do with autism combined with a naturally introverted, but not socially anxious, personality.


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kahlua
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07 Dec 2011, 6:03 am

When I was 9 - 10 years old, I tried to buy friends - I'd steal money from my parents and buy junk food from the canteen for "friends".

Then when I was 11 I tried telling people that I owned a horse, and that worked for about a month before I got busted.

Gave up after that and ended up being a loner.....



Guineapigged
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07 Dec 2011, 6:21 am

I never really tried to make friends. What usually happened is that I was "adopted" by a large group of kids. They learned that sometimes I was there, sometimes I wasn't. I flitted in and out of the social circle depending on my confidence levels that day. Nobody ever noticed or made a fuss if I wasn't there. I have to say, it worked pretty well for me because it provided me with a posse of people to melt into if I was feeling vulnerable and by going around with them I was protected and less likely to be targetted.
I also had several friends who were strong-willed girls who, again, "adopted" me and protected me. I was the innocent, clueless girl who trailed around after her. The price I paid for those kinds of friendships was that I was often forced to act as her slave. She took advantage of me, knowing that I wouldn't refuse her requests because then I would be left on my own and vulnerable to bullies.



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07 Dec 2011, 6:54 am

I used to befriend the person standing on their own in the playground because they seemed a bit lonely. They were usually the ones who were bullied like me. Other times my parents would pair me together with other children as well. At college people would come to me for help with their work because I was the one getting the A grades and I used to help them if they needed it, so I made a few friends that way. Apparently in those days I also had a good sense of humour and whilst I was shy initially, when my sense of humour broke through, they used to think I was hilarious (so I am told). Then I got depressed and grumpy so my sense of humour went on vacation.

I was good at losing friends though. I can remember once, at age 15, going to Birmingham for a day with a group of friends and taking them around the museums there (I loved museums at that age). When we got home they said "We are not going to Birmingham with you again" to which I replied "why?". They said "you dragged us around all the museums and it was really boring!".

Firstly I had no idea they had found it boring...I thought we had a great time. Secondly afterwards it came to light that they wanted to go shopping for make-up and clothes and talk about boy stuff. The latter was not my thing at the time but I would have accommodated it had they said something at the time...

Lets just say those friendships did not last long lol.



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07 Dec 2011, 7:54 am

I didnt try. they came to me, but it was over pretty quick.



AlastorX
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07 Dec 2011, 8:16 am

Well, there was one friend I had and we met because our parents knew each other. We got a long really good because we had similar quirks that others didn't understand. We became unseparable until college and it was always two of us ant others. We would become aggresive towards other kids and we were unable to cooperate and so, we didn't have many other friends.
Considering other kids, at first I would simply try to join but I was so pushy and I wanted so much all the others to share my vision of what good fun was that when I was around 9, they strated to avoid me and by the time I was 12 they rejected me.
I played better with younger kids or had better relations with quite older ones.
But basically, I had to friends - formentioned one and another friend, who was 4 years younger and with whom I played video games all the time. I guess we were friends because I liked to play and he liked to watch. Later, when I started writing and wanted to recreate that through role playing, he liked that. I couldn't role play with anyone else really, because it always had to be scripted and inputs from other kids always seemed silly to me and made me freak out because they were, I thought that, ruining my concepts. This younger one, however, was happy to play this scripted roles. He tried to change things but it usually ended with physical fight. Good thing is that he forgave me all that, we are still friends today, 15 years later.



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07 Dec 2011, 8:40 am

I would target people who were lonely if I was desperate :P . Only once did it happen naturally she became one of my closest friends. I was always lost according to others but I was in my own dreamworld so I didn't long for company much. and my charm did work on people after they got over my weirdness so I always sort of had company but I never maintained long term relationships with anyone except two people.



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07 Dec 2011, 9:19 am

Usualy they were facilated via a teacher or something. I had no desire to make friends until I was brainwashed that I needed them and up until I was around sixteen or so, I thought a friend would be someone who would let me boss them around and lecture them about my special intrests and obsessions. The friends I had in elementry school were "mother hen" types or just pushovers and let me do that. When I realised that wasn't what a friend was, I had no desire to make any. People bore me. I'm probably going to get the ban hammer for this, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it anyway, lately I am finding the majority of Wrong Planet to be very boring.


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Frakkin
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07 Dec 2011, 1:43 pm

I didn't do anything. Everyone would come to me. I remember a good way of making friends was to draw pictures. They'd come to my desk, tell me I'm good at drawing, and ask if I could draw them pictures. Hardly any talking required. This even worked in highschool.

But usually it was just me being awkward and weird, and then being "adopted" by a group of outcasts.



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07 Dec 2011, 2:24 pm

Thinking back when I was a kid, I didn't have friends in the sense I have now. The only exception is perhaps one of my cousins, whom I considered my only friend for many years. We met only on family meet ups, few times a year, for several days at best during summer holiday. We shared similar personalities and interests, though it was obvious to me even then that he was more social than me. When he left, I used to be looking through the window and grieving "gray weekdays are coming", much to my mother's amusement.

I used to freak out my mother saying that I didn't have friends among my peers / classmates during elementary school. At kindergarten, I used to play around other kids, and I guess I wasn't isolated that much. Occasionally I would hang out or play with them. Other times I preferred solitary activities, though. However, I always liked to share my achievements with other people, be them my parents, relatives, nurses, or my peers.

In my head, being kind with my peers was everything what one could do to others in order to appear social and it hadn't changed until I was well in my adulthood... I wanted to be connected with kids, though, so I bribed them with something I could spare now and then. I noticed when I showed them some of my cool new toys they paid attention to me (or rather my toy, but it felt good anyway). Later, when I learned about computer programming I showed them some of my products, usually simple games, or I helped them write their own programs, and I gained some respect for it. Sometimes I would help them with academics, too.

I recall during elementary school it was not rare that I played and talked with other rejects (board games, biking, construction toys), but, perhaps I was too condescending to them, so we never become friends.

I guess one of my false ideas was that I wanted to show them my knowledge and I expected them to appreciate it and hang with me because I was smart and my knowledge could be useful to them... :roll:

Later, during my years at the Uni, I made friends with two people on the basis of shared interests, namely high-end audio and music, but cycling also played a part. One of my friendships just happened at my workplace, and turned out to be the strongest of all so far.


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07 Dec 2011, 3:57 pm

Ganondox wrote:
I didn't try to make friends. The few friends I had befriended me.


I have to agree with this I never went out of my way to make a friend. They sort of just started hanging out with me. The only problem with this is a good number of people were the wrong people I should have hung out with. Also for some reason I had some real freaks do stupid things that were trying to impress me. I also attracted a lot as*holes who tried to go out of their way to hurt me.

One guy would try to get me to throw M-80 firecrackers that he would lite. But he lit them on the side so the fuse would burn quicker to blow my fingers off. The kids in the neighborhood made him stop and told their parents on him so everyone's parents would not let their kids play with him anymore. He was bragging in school he tried to blow a ret*d kids fingers off so they beat him up in school. When I told them it was me who he tried to blow the fingers off of they said he thought I was ret*d. Someone threw a rock through his parent's livingroom window that night. :twisted:


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The_Wanderer
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07 Dec 2011, 4:36 pm

I don't think I had a technique I practiced or anything lol. Making friends just kinda happened & I met lots of people through sports, school projects, dances. I just floated around all the different clique's. Because alot of my friends divided up in middle school, when cliques became cool. Some became goths and the rest preps. They hated each other, even though ALL of us used to be really good friends. But yeah I actually had a pretty normal social life as a kid, now that I'm 23 everything seems way harder now, probably because I'm not so active anymore.



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07 Dec 2011, 4:57 pm

Burnbridge wrote:
Only way I tried to make "friends" was via BBSes and D&D. Eventually the D&D kids would kick me out because I was too nerdy even for D&D, although they liked the pictures I drew of their characters.


I have to agree about D&D as a great way to meet new friends. If it was not for my Dungeons and Dragons games I ran I would not have half the friends I have had over the years. I was good as a gamemaster people sought me out to run games. But I suck as a player I cannot consentrate long enough to stay focused on the game.

If you are looking for friends I suggest looking for a Dungeons and Dragons game being run at local universitys or at meetup.com. All it would cost you is a the cost of polyhedral dice and maybe a players handbook. Most gaming groups are in need of new players so they might take in a newbe. The rules are pretty easy to pick up on. Stay away from LARP games (Live Action Role Playing) these groups seem to attract an obscene amount of troubled people.


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07 Dec 2011, 5:12 pm

I didn't have friends until I was in my late teens. As a child I was hiding and terrified. It wasn't until I learned to mimic other people that I started making friends. Now (in my fourties) I have a few really good ones.