Page 1 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

dianthus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,138

10 Dec 2011, 11:07 pm

Every once in awhile I will get to rambling about something, but only with people who know me really well. Most of the time I'm very quiet and I don't talk much. I tend to get cornered by people who talk a lot and I have a hard time getting away from them. I just nod and smile because I don't really know what to say, and I don't want to be rude but in my head the whole time I'm thinking, when will they stop talking? like how can they not understand that they are torturing me? I don't know how to end conversations very well so they usually just go on until the other person finishes talking.



dogslife
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 266

11 Dec 2011, 12:51 pm

I always do this. Even in work e-mails, where I can approve what I'm going to send out without it all just spilling from my mouth like an in-person conversation, I still have problems. Anytime I try to find superfluous sentences to take out, I always think, "But that detail is so important and necessary!" about stuff that really isn't.



MrXxx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,760
Location: New England

11 Dec 2011, 1:02 pm

KuRowbot wrote:
I feel like I tend to elaborate a bit too much or be a bit too verbose or explain way too much when someone asks me a question.
Kind of like that previous sentence. (And that one too.)

Any advice for how I can stop myself from doing that?


Sounds like with you it comes from the same "need" as when I do it. "Explaining too much" comes from believing other's need to know WHY you think what you think. It's about explaining the reasons behind your answer. I do this a lot with my kids more than with anyone else these days, because I want them to understand why the answers are what they are. I used to do it to everyone, but learned to just blurt the answer out, and reserve explanations for those that ask for them.

This might help, maybe:

Since I know now it drives my kids nuts when I do this, now whenever they ask a question I think needs an in depth explanation, I ask them before answering, "Do you just want a simple answer, or do you want to know WHY the answer is what it is?"

For a while, they would say, "Just give me the answer," and I would, but they would almost always ask, "Why?" afterward anyway, so now they just sit and listen to the explanation.

My kids are all ASD though, so they have an incessant need to know "why." Most who are not on the spectrum don't seem to require or be interested in explanations and want nothing but short answers.

It may help you to just give the short answer followed by, "Would you like to know why?" If they say they don't care, drop it. It may feel like it's killing you to just leave it at that, but it won't. You do get used to just leaving things "as is" with practice.

I do it all the time. It NEVER feels right, but it doesn't kill me.


_________________
I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...


SteelMaiden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,722
Location: London

11 Dec 2011, 1:31 pm

I ramble a lot about a certain topic, because if I have a thought in my head, I just need to get it out. I also get obsessive when I talk. Perhaps you feel the same way?


_________________
I am a partially verbal classic autistic. I am a pharmacology student with full time support.


Burnbridge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 971
Location: Columbus, Ohio

11 Dec 2011, 2:17 pm

MrXxx wrote:
My kids are all ASD though, so they have an incessant need to know "why." Most who are not on the spectrum don't seem to require or be interested in explanations and want nothing but short answers.


You know, i never realized that. Me? I don't remember anything at all unless I know "why." I thought everyone was like that, but maybe not, huh?

You wanna know why? ... ;)


_________________
No dx yet ... AS=171/200,NT=13/200 ... EQ=9/SQ=128 ... AQ=39 ... MB=IntJ


FletcherArrow
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 20 Oct 2019
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 390
Location: usa

19 Jan 2020, 5:05 pm

KuRowbot wrote:
I feel like I tend to elaborate a bit too much or be a bit too verbose or explain way too much when someone asks me a question.
Kind of like that previous sentence. (And that one too.)

Any advice for how I can stop myself from doing that?



I went to Toastmasters.org for a year and learned how to not do that professorial monologue thing that we Aspies are known for. I began to look at the people I was talking to instead of staring off in the distance or ground when I was talking. And, I would look for signs, body language, that indicated they were bored or that they wanted to talk.
Then I would shut up and listen and let the other person talk. It was all a lot of practice.



wsmac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2007
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,888
Location: Humboldt County California

19 Jan 2020, 11:04 pm

Revived an old thread eh?
.
Aside from getting excited and talking too much about a topic, I also have this habit of starting several conversations with different people at the same time/place.
.
When I'm in public and see someone I like, I may start chatting them up... "hello, how are you?". Then while talking with them, if someone else wanders by closely that I also like, I will hail them and likely start talking to them also.
I take turns.. one to the other.
I have even done with with three people at once.
.
It's not long before one or all of them just walk away. Then I realize I've done it again.
It's the excitement thing.. not always the actual individual, that drives me I believe.
.
I also learned that looking at people's faces or eyes, specifically, is the thing to do to keep your audience.
Speaking before large groups, I go through the whole process of making sure I am sweeping my gaze from one side to the other, maybe repeat maybe change directions to mix things up, so I don't appear robotic.
Speaking before groups is actually easier for me than one-on-one.


_________________
fides solus
===============
LIBRARIES... Hardware stores for the mind