Cognitive empathy vs. emotional/affective empathy

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I agree with the cognitive empathizers above. I understand thought processes and, to some extent emotions, in others. I can see their logical quirks and fallacies, but I am very objective and removed from the emotional (affective empathy). I think this comes from a lifetime of studying others and myself. It does make me a good person to talk to about problems sometimes.

I can't remember ever being emotionally affected by another. If two of us are sad about the same thing, it's because I'm sad independently of the other, not because I've taken their sadness on. In fact, I've often tried to take on the emotions of others, to emotionally "walk in their boots", but I've never been successful.

I've found it difficult in situations where everyone around me is crying (graduations or funerals), but I can elicit that emotion. In those situations, I wish to comfort people, but usually I'll do a very poor job if I try. I think the problem I've run into is that sometimes others have "just emotions" without any cognitive basis for them. It's as if there doesn't have to be a reason for the way they feel. I always know the reason for the way I feel. Therefore when I try to help in these situations of "just emotions", I have very little comprehension of what is actually going on.

So the fact that I do this, does this point more that I am an Aspie? I get confused with am I or not?

My son clearly is and diagnosed, which is why I came to this forum. Then the more I've read the more I've come to realize I'm most likely where he inherited it from. But there are some traits that he has that are so much like mine and then others that are different then mine. So I get confused.

But then again I think I was more like him when I was younger, I have actually altered a lot of my natural traits with meditation and ethics training. I've completely altered the Taurus traits that I used to clearly fall under, so a person can change some pretty strong personality traits if they work at it, but it all makes diagnosing things difficult.

Plus i suffered under years of abuse, so there's PTSD messing with some of my natural tendencies as well, like memory to name one thing, I may have had better memory before the abuse. So it's typical for Aspies to have great memory, but for some of us that part has been altered.

But the main difference I see with me is the way I can caculate these factors in a non-emotional way and easily see where all these environmental factors can alter genetic personality, this is where I find connections instantly and easliy. So many things to factor in that change a person, makes it impossible for anyone to fit in one catagory. I can never take a quiz properly because I have too many questions about other things that factor in that aren't mentioned, it's never just one way or the other for me, it's a multitude of roads leading to that one particular point in the path. I see this map in my head and simply can't answer the question because all the facts aren't being represented properly.

This probably has something to do with your natural abilities, possibly enhancing them.

The ability to read peoples emotional state and predict the resultant behavior.

TheSunAlsoRises

Each Aspie experiences the condition differently, so who knows? And since your brain has had outside influence which could have modified its natural behaviour, you may never know.

The thing is, though, these things are all just labels anyway. When you're young, getting a diagnosis is useful because it means that you get extra support and so on, but once you're an adult, does it really matter what some document says your label is? I'd argue not.

I personally have been looking at other conditions which fit specific personality traits of mine, but I do so out of pure curiosity - I do not believe those labels in themselves will either help or hinder me in the real world.

Yes. It appears that if you've been abused in particular ways then your 'special interest' becomes working people out and you apply your autistic learning processes to that, until you're much better at it than nonautistics. This infuriates them.

Another difinate possiblity, abuse kicks in your reptile level of survival instinct in which it's important to quickly assess a situation for danger.

Another difinate possiblity, abuse kicks in your reptile level of survival instinct in which it's important to quickly assess a situation for danger.[/quote

This is interesting.

I appreciate your feed back, ladies.

* got to return to the bat cave and contemplate

TheSunAlsoRises

.... then i really don't get the differentiation between affective and cognitive empathy.

When cognitive empathy is also about feeling emotions (, but not the same as the other person), then what is affective empathy about? feeling the emotions of others? Are you sure its possible to feel emotions of others? - i think its a construction!

best regards,

anton

So very true! Even when I was not fully buying the doc's telling me my son was an Aspie, I still recongnized the traits and looked at what was helping other Aspie children as far as therapy for those certain traits. Label didn't matter, symptom and what to do about it mattered.

Ah yes, good point. Sometimes I see so many 'pieces' of the puzzle and possibilities that sometimes there's that 'alternative ending' that just won't leave me alone and then I can't simply narrow it down to one thing such as needed for dianosis comfirmation.

But it's been nagging at me lately the piece that says "go back to the beginning, what traits did you have in the beginning to make you vulnerable to the abuse in the first place." And not reading people properly is what got me mixed up with the abuser in the first place, which is a more classic trait.

But then add survival needs to spectrum ability to grasp and absorb a special interest and bingo, there it is.

Please try not to blame yourself. Lots of good people end up stuck in abusive relationships. First off, some abusers are like con artists. And then, some abusers have genuinely good traits but then also areas of hurt and glaring defects in their skill sets.

Thank you for that, very sweet! I have forgiven myself, one of the good parts of Aspie traits is to not become overly emotional or nostalgic, so I think that helps moving through something like this easier. And yes, my ex is a clear sociopath, I've seen him use and attack so many people it's scary.

Very calculating person, I learned from someone who used to be a friend of his that while I was still married to him and trying to figure out how to fix things and save the marriage he was at his dad's house and they were plotting ways to drive me to the edge to have me committed to get custody of the kids. So yeah, when you learn something like that, it makes it easier to not blame myself. So happy that ex friend of his let me in on that, helped a lot with my peace of mind as it really showcased how crazy my ex really is.

I also found books hidden in the trunk of his car when I was still married to him that had titles like "How to control others through mind manipulation" so he was sick, sick, sick.

These days most of my problem is the embarrassment that I was married to such a horrible person. But con artist is the key here, so many people have fallen for his crap and on top of it he's 'friends' with the police in this town as his dad used to be on the force so he gets away with it over and over.

God, that's really awful. And it sounds like his dad was also a first-rate lout and user and abuser.

That ex friend sounds like he tried to be a decent individual. And I'm very glad you were able to get out of that situation.

Thanks, me too! Now I'm married to my best friend so all turned around for the better.

That sounds very good!

I have strong cognitive empathy, but often very poor affective empathy. When someone else is feeling sad or happy or angry, I don't feel any different, aside from a possible increase in anxiety. I don't catch emotions from other people. Emotions are like yawns for NTs - they're contagious.