late night depression

Post Reply New Topic

What depresses me? Oh God...

All the injustices in this world

All the stupidity and short-sightedness

All of the cruelty, hatred and pain

All the things I wish I'd done

All the things I wish I hadn't done

All the times when I've upset people I really care for, and the look in their eyes..

My own lack of motivation to do anything constructive to change these things

The parting words of girlfriends I loved, and the fact that they're with others now

The fact that modern life is a superficial sham

The death of heroism: the lack of anything profound or epic

The lack of choices

The feeling that there should be something more

The feeling that whatever I do, it still won't make me happy.

The fact that I am a failure and will achieve little before I die

*********************************************

Normally I comfort eat or get very, very drunk. If this doesn't work I phone up my friends and bore them with my tales of woe. If that doesn't work I cut my arms, and if that doesn't work I take time off work, take myself to the Doctors for some pills that make me feel like death, take up smoking again, and sit on my window ledge and contemplate jumping for... oooh, about 9 months. That's what happened last time, anyway. And unfortunately, I think I've just got to that stage again.

I feel almost as bad as you, my friend. If it will be any comfort for you.

Thanks, Litiguous. It means more coming from someone I don't always agree with, cos you have no obligation to be nice.

I'm not sure there IS a reason, half the time. Sometimes I'm just depressed, and that's that. I normally get depressed once a month, as though I have "male PMT", and then every 6 months or so it gets really bad and I feel like saying "f**k it" and walking away from my whole life.

On top of everything else I cut my arm up a bit earlier and now it f*****g itches....

I don't cut my arms, since I've always been afraid of the knife. Instead I drink, take opiates and benzodiazepines, make explosives or drive very fast.

Well it's morning now. I'm thinking of giving up late nights. Tonight I'll take some of my sister's sleeping pills to break the cycle.

It's quarter past midnight here, but I'm just a little, little bit tired.

I am wary of drugs because I have diabetes, and also because I've never found any which really seem to help. Knives are easy after 26 years of needles.

I love to drive quickly. Alfa Romeos are my passion - I've had four. A 1.7 Cloverleaf 33, a 1.6 boxer 146, a 1965 step-nose Giulia Sprint GT and now a 1.8 twinspark 155.

I once drove the Giulia for 15 miles in the wet, at night, at an average of 100 mph (max 115). Erm.. this was on a private road, obviously *cough*

I would like to try attaching the front end of the 146 boxer to an old-school Mini with a flip-front bonnet conversion. But sadly my 146 is dead and I need the space for the 155, so that project will have to wait.

Lucky you. I have only had Volvos and one Volkswagen.

They're poorly built cars, and can take a lot of effort to keep running. But they offer outstanding performance for a very low initial starting price. The cost is in the maintenance.

My 155, for example, cost £400.

The 146 cost £2,000 and has lasted for 5 years with surprisingly little work.

The 33 cost £900 and fell to bits in 2 years. Great fun, though! It could be left with the windows down and the keys in the ignition and no-one would steal it, but it went quicker than a Golf GTi or an Escort XR3i. And the noise.....

I'm not very good at keeping my cars running (other than driving them very fast ). I have to ask my dad to repair them for me when something is broken.

Well, I figure if it was worth virtually nothing when I bought it, and now it's broken, what harm could I possibly do by trying to fix it? Plus any serious defect will mean it's going in a skip anyway. They're disposable cars.

Hm, I live in the countryside, so I just need my car being in good shape all the time. I could sell my Volvo and buy a pretty good Mercedes, but they're more expensive to keep in good shape.

Yeah, Volvos and Saabs (up to the 9000) are pretty solid. Old Mercs are very reliable, too, but recently they've been having quality-control troubles.

Modern Skodas seem to be good, too.

I bought my Volvo pretty cheaply from my grandmother's cousin. I could sell it and make a profit and buy a Mercedes 350 C or 350 CE. But it's a matter of good luck to find one that doesn't need any repair. But I would love to have a Mercedes, especially a coupé.

Well, save up for a while so you can buy a mint-condition example, join an owner's club and ask for advice before buying, and if possible find an enthusiast who is willing to check out the cars with you.

If you want to do it, I'd go for it while you can. Otherwise you'll be sitting around thinking "What if..?" for the rest of your life. Old Mercs are normally a practical choice, and they're very stylish too. As with any old car, try to avoid too much technology - gadgets are simply things which go wrong on old vehicles.

I don't need so much fancy gadgets, just a good shape Mercedes coupé with a 3,5 liter V8 engine. My father could help me check one out.