Trying OKCupid again

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I made the suggested modifications, as much as I am loathe to remove the info about my AS status. I feel every moment of every day I'm lying, that no one can ever know me, and it fills me with a terrible loneliness.

I've already written a dozen or so people. They've all viewed my account and read my messages, but none wrote back. They figure they can do better I'm sure.

It might sound strange, but for myself, I had given up completely when I met my fiance. When I started circulating with the intention of just meeting people in general, I found him. He told me that he had basically been resigned to being single the rest of his life when he met me. I wonder if there is a certain energy that one gives off when they are not actively seeking a mate, that makes them seem more desirable? I do know that a certain air of desperation will put most people off; I wonder if I was coming across as desperate before I gave up completely? Just some thoughts to ponder.

This is the default state for most relationships. You're not lying, just drip-feeding information on a need-to-know basis. I didn't tell my partner about my Aspergers until we'd met a few times and I felt the time was right. If you mention it up front, you're an aspie called Brian. That becomes your primary defining characteristic. If you wait until you find a relationship that seems to be working, you're a young man called Brian who has Aspergers. It may sound like the same thing - hell, it is the same thing - but humans don't think rationally. The first impression is very important and will decide which box you get filed in.

I "lie" every day to my work colleagues, who don't have a clue I'm autistic. It's not something they need to know, and it could very possibly disturb my working relationships if I told them (especially after five years!). So I don't. If they asked me directly, I'd probably admit it. I won't volunteer that information.

I agree that it's best not to mention AS on a profile. I never tell anyone until I know them well. That goes for work, friendships and other relationships. Yeah, some people think I'm weird, but I don't think telling them ahead of time would have made a difference.

~Kate

I recently joined also. I messaged the 3 out of the top 5 matches I had only heard back from one of them, and then I managed to screw that up by getting to excited and jumping the gun.

I'm thinking I'm just going to delete my profile and continue being a miserable hermit.

You only messaged three people, and you're giving up? Gosh golly! Expect a 99% rejection rate. Very few women will respond, and of those, most will fizzle. If you want a relationship, decide to put in the effort, message a lot of women, and when one looks promising focus on that one.

I messaged all of the suitable ones. Not everyone has been smiled upon by the gods to live in an area where people actually take care of themselves. What I'm saying is, I'm desperate, but I'm not desperate enough to go out with the eldar shoggoths who live near me.

You won't get anywhere sending 3 messages unless you're a ripped millionare.

As I said, I sent messages to all the suitable ones. Me and Tequila don't get along well enough to make some of the options acceptable.

Consider a long distance relationship.

So there are 3 decent people on that dating site in your opinion?

Hmmm, my last foray into OKC produced two dates, and a number of correspondences. I mentioned specifically that I had AS in my profile. The women spoke with seemed to appreciate the honesty.

/shrug

I think we are working at cross purposes here. I'm sure there are loads of interesting people on the site, but, I'm not interested in a long distance relationship. So that means I'm limited by the number of people who actually live in my general geographical location.

Do you live in a tiny town?

If it's a problem then move somewhere else. It depends what you care about more, where you live, or more people to date in your area.

Yes I live in a tiny town, I also live in what was formerly the bible belt, but the waistlines expanded so much the belt broke. If you can't tell, I hate where I live. So, unless you are offering to give me the money to move, I'm fairly well stuck here. It's something of the catch 22 with tiny towns. There aren't any jobs that pay enough to live off of let alone save up the thousands of dollars one would need to move to a new place with.

You can move.

You don't need thousands of dollars.