Do all people reject you (has this ever happened to you?)

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I have AS, and as a result of many rejections have come to expect it, at least from the NT sphere.

However, this has made me perhaps more aware of what other social outcasts go through, such as other people with disabilities, homeless people, etc.

Having AS has caused me to be more open to interacting with various groups of people - if I was born an NT, maybe I wouldn't have spoken to that gal who never takes a bath, who dresses "funny", etc. Or the guy who spits every time he talks.

Having Asperger Syndrome has hopefully helped me become a more compassionate, aware person than if I took social exchanges for granted. That is one good thing that has come out of having AS.

However, I noticed one troubling thing and wonder if any other Aspies have experienced this:

So I talk to the guy who spits (that no one else talks to). I talk to the woman who never takes a bath, who dresses so oddly that she is largely shunned by others.

Anyway, I find that after talking to these people like once or twice, they shun me too! It is like they find it so weird that someone would speak to them at all..... Or maybe I am making non-verbal errors that I am not aware of. Am I "too friendly"? Is it my body language? Do these fellow rejects think I have an ulterior motive for talking with them?

I wouldn't say "all" people are rejecting, but I have no friends. I have trouble making friends from all walks of life and wonder if it is

a. non-verbal errors

or

b. Fellow rejects wonder WHY I am bothering to speak with them

Has this happened to any of you?

Last edited by northbrbrain on 29 Jan 2012, 10:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Yes all the time-I have people turn away from me when I approach and people ignore me right to my face all the time.

Are they shunning you? Or are they not ready for social interaction?

I guess my question is: Is it totally fair to blame yourself if these people who are not used to normal social interaction don't reciprocate your desire for communication or interaction?

I actually perfer to be shunned or ignored. I get really creeped out when people all of a sudden want to get all chumy with me. I told my mom that I will only go to church with her if she tells the other patroners in advance to pretend as if I don't exhist, basicaly not to speak to me or make eye contact. My mom said that wouldn't be a nice thing to do and I guess I'm not ever going to go to church with her. I stopped going to church in the first place becuase people wanting to chat with me. I wanted to throw my hands over my face and scream and run to the car as fast as I could. I don't go to church to make friends. I don't need friends. My bearded dragon is my best friend and all I need. It just creeps me out and makes me very uncomfortable when people are "friendly".

I hate being ignored or shunned so I rarely put myself in situations where that is likely to happen. I vividly remembered a time in elementary school when nobody would admit to being my friend. I found this out because a kid in my class made a bet with me. Before then I thought that I maybe had at least one. Even my teacher ignored me and overlooked me for awards I rightfully deserved.

I am usually ignored in social groups because I have difficulty in contributing anything meaningful to the conversation. When I do it's usually too late and misunderstood so then people give me nasty looks.

It's not always the case that people are friendly just because they look a certain way or never clean themselves or wear certain clothes. A lot of people simply do not trust strangers. There could be many reasons for this. It's their problem, not yours. Just go on you merry way and talk to the next person. Keep talking and talking until you receive the response you seek.

I m convinced that non verbal cues are the important thing in my case. When I approach someone and talk, and they smile or look you in the eye, there is undoubtedly an expectation of an appropriate response. When my face goes blank and there is no expression at all, or I avoid eye contact, then further conversation becomes difficult, or impossible. How is someone to make friends or form any kind of relationship under those circumstances?

I suppose now I have the opportunity to meet a lot of people who catch me on the good days but when I see them on the bad days it's like I wish I never knew them. I suppose sometimes I'm just not in the best of moods.

I'm open to all sorts of people and always have been. I remember when I was at college and my sister couldn't believe who I was talking to. They were just regular people to me. So they came from a certain area of town - so what? We used to live there as kids. Since my diagnosis I feel for people with disabilities or are overweight or have something that makes people count them out.

I don't try to strike up conversations with strangers any more. In my old town it was easier to get away with but in the city everyone is busy and have no time to stop and chat. I have to wear my earphones everywhere I go because of my sound sensitivity so I'm not really looking for a chat.

I guess because I don't really try at all to make friends people come up and talk to me. Maybe they can tell when you try too hard and like people who play hard to get (not that I do - I just focus on other things).

I think as a result of all the bullying I went through in school I just expect people to not like me and never approach anyone I don't know to talk to them in real life. I don't even talk to people first a lot in the mmorpg I play.

I'm wondering what 'shunning' means. There is a cultural model of 'friendship', depending on the cultural environment we move in. When you aim to make friends,, you expect people to act a certain way at a certain point in the relationship. For example you when you see them again after having had a chat with them last time you saw them, you might expect them to greet you in a certain way.

Some cultures would use a hug, others a handshake.

But here you are dealing with socially inexperienced people who might not have this software running.

Might you be interpreting the lack of 'adequate' response as 'shunning'?

Just a thought.

I get rejected all the bloody time.

I have noticed that people who are rejected by others are ready to speak with me
eg. People who are having psychiatric disorders and live all alone
they are ready to speak with me and share feelings but when i ask them out for walk or coffee
they dont come
They do love to keep in touch with you and share feelings but not necessarily hang in their to
be your friend and go out with you
So that way i am also rejected and always alone to do my own things.
I shop alone, i eat out alone, i take a walk alone.................

yup.my own therapy kicked me out , no referral, nothing. Because I was honest about my anger towards them.instead of being forgiving, they lied to me straight up about why, then kicked me out . Then they said to me how good it was that I've always been so honest.right..fourth therapist I had to cope with losing

Most social outsiders have a long history of peer abuse, and have become very suspicious as a result. I have noticed that too. Not only have I been rejected by socially ostracized people, I have also rejected people myself. It becomes very hard to trust others at some point

It's a horrible situation. On one hand, I'm totally starved of human contact and desperately need to be accepted by others. On the other hand, I find people too frightening to let them get close to me. I always remember the things that my supposed friends did to me back in the day, how they harrassed me for thinking I was gay and dropped me like a hot potato after they found some transgender porn on my PC. My coworkers were also friendly at first, only to stab me in the back after a while. Now I fear that everyone will hurt me sooner or later.

I've somehow dodged being rejected by all people, by the skin of my teeth at times. I always used to be able to find one person eventually, e.g. at school. I've probably rejected more people than I've been rejected by. I just get hurt or disappointed and end up wanting out when it gets too much. I guess I've learned to be a fairly likeable person......I tend to reject rather than challenge, though when I'm very close to people I challenge them a lot more. I seem able to put a brake on challenging before they end up hating me too much....I guess I hide a lot of my grievances and judge whether the person is suitable for me or not, unless they're very close. I don't put out many feelers to get rejected.

I remember last being friendless just after ending a relationship. I felt quite panicky but I somehow got with people again. I keep myself to myself and avoid being invasive. I think that stops me being rejected much because I'm not really knocking on the door very loud.....I'm very "if you don't want to know, then fine." I've stopped talking past the point so much. I tend to make people feel at ease. I don't cause much trouble. A few people used to visit me to bum cash off me....I "lent" them a bit but eventually had to refuse more, and they usually didn't stick around for my company after that. Wasn't any great loss, I rarely act socially desperate, I'd rather my own company than have folks around in many cases.

It probably isn't fair to blame myself completely. When this has happened on several occasions, the person seemed quite extraverted and wanting interaction, but i've noticed that the next time i meet them, they seem to avoid eye-contact and talk more to the people who were less friendly to them, almost like it is familiar and that is what they prefer