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Lazoriss
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03 Feb 2012, 5:05 pm

For an Aspie saying "sorry" can be difficult, especially when you KNOW you haven't done anything wrong.
But I've realized something lately after dealing with my ex (who I also think has Aspergers).
Apologizing isn't just done when you're wrong. Sometimes when you do the right thing, it still hurts people. We can't always assume others will "get over it" just because what you did wasn't logically WRONG per say. It can be hard for an Aspie to think of what others are feeling, but if you know you've hurt someone, it's always better to apologize and show you care. My ex crushed my heart over and over (he would never realize what he was doing hurt me, though, until I told him). I can understand that since he also has Aspergers, but it was so frustrating because he would just defend himself rather than aknowledge the pain I was in after confronting him about it.

This is a very common Aspie trait, and one of the most crippling ones. Personally, I've been trying to be more sympathetic towards others and see things from their perspectives. At first, you'll feel like you're faking it, but after long enough it'll become easier and more natural.



Declension
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03 Feb 2012, 5:26 pm

I can relate to this. It sounds like you've picked up a lot of wisdom over the years.

I think that aspies can sometimes care too much about "fairness". They really care whose fault something was, or what really happened. The truth is that holding onto little things is just not worth it.

Apologising doesn't actually have to mean admitting that you were wrong. It seems that way, but in fact, most apologies are more about saying "this isn't important enough to waste any more time arguing about".

If I can be a bit stereotypical and cheeky, this is a trick that my father taught me, and it's a trick that a lot of husbands use. :wink: They will go to their graves believing that they were right, but they know that apologising is the best policy whenever their wife is angry with them.



nick007
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03 Feb 2012, 9:28 pm

I used to be like that but now I tend to say Sorry when someone is upset or feeling bad or something that I know has nothing to do with me. It's like I say Sorry when I don't know what else to say to someone to make them feel better


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