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Ddddd
Deinonychus
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08 Feb 2012, 5:52 pm

I went to my first year of college in October. The first day a guy started a conversation with me and after that we went to the classes together and talked a lot. But from the beginning I noticed he had a totally different view on how to act around people than I did - He touched my arm while talking, patted my back, greeted me with a kiss on my cheek, asked if he could lunch with me or stay over at my apartment. He was just being TOO close for someone I've known for such a short time, specially for me. He talked A LOT, and constantly got into my personal bubble - physically and mentally... He probably thought all those things were normal but it creeped me out.
One month later he walked past my apartment while going to school and rang my doorbell at 8:30 in the morning. I became mad at him and sent him a text saying he was f****d up and being too close and ringing my doorbell was just plain creepy. We had a fight over it (he said he did nothing wrong and even kept a distance, knowing I have some social fears). I even quit going to college because I was afraid of being confronted with him.
A month later at Christmas he sent me a message on Facebook and everything became normal again. We started chatting and a couple of weeks later he asked me if we could meet up again, I said yes and we had a good time. But afterwards he started planning LOTS of things again and he even wanted to pay the train ticket to his home. I met him again 3 days later (so I met him twice in a week - which is actually a lot for someone like me). And he even wanted to see me again the week afterwards, it all just became too much, I faked being sick the next time we planned, he rearranged it 5 days later, but I just couldn't - I just didn't show up. I watched my cell phone as he called 2 or 3 times, ignored his text messages. But he kept on sending me texts, messages on Facebook, emails for the next 7 days (that's when a friend told me he was probably stalking me), and the last day he sent me a long text saying I made him sick, '**** you', he couldn't sleep for the past days... Which confused me, because I've only seen him in October during the lessons, and 2 times in January.
Now I haven't heard of him anymore, but today he found my best friend on Facebook and sent her a really long message. I don't know what he said, but it pisses me off he started to talk to her. I told her to ignore it and she says she doesn't want to feel guilty, though she knows I've been uncomfortable around him since the day I know him. I even take different routes on certain hours if there's a chance I could walk into him. He scares me.
So I was wondering when's the line between someone just being annoying or when someone's really stalking me?



MusicIsLife2Me
Velociraptor
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08 Feb 2012, 6:26 pm

I think he's just making you really uncomfortable. I say that if he continues to make you feel weird then DON'T be his friend.
I had a situation kind of like this. I kept forgiving and letting that person back into my life and it just got worse. My words didn't truly affect this person when I said "I don't like that". But I think its because I said one thing but did another by hanging out with them. The only way this person took me seriously is when I stopped hanging out with them.

Stalking usually means, IMHO, that you do whatever you can to keep someone out of your life and they do whatever they can to remain in it.


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MusicIsLife2Me
Velociraptor
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08 Feb 2012, 6:39 pm

Its scary but if he's making you that uneasy then change your number and block all of your emails and set social networks on private.
Also tell a school guidance counselor so they can keep him away from you.


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Chronos
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08 Feb 2012, 10:04 pm

Yes it was wrong to just show up at your house at 8:30am and ring the door bell. Especially if you never gave him your address.

I don't know that there is any evidence he is stalking you though.

It sounds like he doesn't realize your social boundaries are different than his. I would just tell him you need a lot of space and to please respect that.



08 Feb 2012, 10:19 pm

Is the guy that has been doing this the one that told you about wrongplanet.net? Has he been diagnosed?



Ddddd
Deinonychus
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09 Feb 2012, 4:00 am

No, I found this site on Google, he seems just fine ('fine' - he IS creepy, but doesn't seem to have any disorders). To give you an idea of how he's like; he isn't afraid of talking to anybody, he can ask strangers for directions if he's lost, or just say 'hello' to a random person when he feels like it, has a lot of friends (I don't know how his casual friends feel about his behaviour), but already considered me as one of his best friends last month(?). He is really assertive, people tried to bully him but he started a fight to defend himself. He loves to tell people stories, he's just really social and talkative. He's also really smart, he's multi-instrumental, can speak a couple of languages, etc. When everything was okay between us we talked on msn for a few hours a day (I liked it better when I could talk to him just through text and not in real life), I told him about some of my problems because he studied psychology for 4 years and insisted on helping me. I don't understand how he has studied psychology and still doesn't know how to act around people (or at least around me). I clearly told him to not touch/hug me, give me the distance I need, to not push me into things I don't want (could even trigger some sort of panic attack), but he said he hasn't even ever touched me (he did that a lot) and he really doesn't see what he's doing wrong.
So yes, I think he just has different boundaries than I have, but he should know sending someone lots of texts etc. daily for a week without ever getting a reply/ringing someone's doorbell isn't normal.

I blocked him on all social networks, but there's a big chance I meet him in real life since I live just one block away from school (I now go to another school). I'm just scared he'll come and talk to me, last week I saw him at the train station and I just got away as quickly as possible before he noticed me.