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Skateri
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18 Feb 2012, 6:33 am

hyperlexian wrote:
honestly, it doesn't sound like you have truly accepted that you can't be with him. if you could accept it then you wouldn't be having such an issue now. seems like you are going to keep hoping and keeping waiting for signs that he is willing to get back with you. there seems to be a lingering hope in your words.

what will probably help you is when he moves on and starts dating someone else, though it will hurt. most likely you will have some closure at that point. if he is spending a lot of time with you then he may not be looking for someone else yet, but try your best to be prepared for when that happens.

i don't think you can force yourself to get over him. either you will accept that it's over (now or later), or you won't... based on my personal experiences in real life and my observations both online and in real life, a person's ability to move on seems to be tied into a complicated mess of factors. like, it appears one factor is a person's inbuilt sense of fairness. also a person's tendency to be obsessive. plus a person's existing coping skills. add in a person's level of self-esteem. and the nature and quality of the relationship. and whether the reasons given for the breakup were satisfactory. etc. - many many things, with no easy recipe.

but... i sense that you don't really want to forget him because the sliver of hope is important for you to hold onto.


... i was confused about the buildup to him saying he was "relieved". were you telling him that you are planning on dating someone else or what exactly happened?


Maybe I haven't accepted it 100%... But I don't try as much as I did at first... I've accepted the fact that he is not mine anymore... I don't think I can accept the fact that he will never be mine again at the moment... Yes, I have hopes that he will be mine again someday and that hope will first be extinguished if either of us starts to see someone else... But he said to me that it will take time before he'll start looking after love again... And this, too, I have a hard time to interpret right... I really think that he hopes his feelings will come back someday... Even the way he looks at me sometimes indicate that...

I think he was relieved because I had a hard time saying what I wanted to say... I was starring at some point behind him and my mind was racing... He noticed this as a typical sign of me thinking and asked if everything was alright... I said I was trying to think of a way to say what was on my mind without it coming out wrong... I know it is a very sensitive subject for him so I was trying to make it sound like he shouldn't worry about me... Of course, this was impossible in my head... So yeah... He was relieved that I wasn't telling him that I'm over him and started seeing someone else... How the h**l am I supposed to interpret this?


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Skateri
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18 Feb 2012, 6:35 am

justalouise wrote:
A month is actually a relatively short time to get a significant relationship entirely out of your system. I've had a handful of significant relationships, and in this past it's typically taken at least 6 months to start really and truly getting over a person. Sometimes less, sometimes more.

Just stick with it. Time and distraction are the two most potent antidotes to what you're feeling, but it takes patience. Good luck.


I didn't say that after a month a relationship is entirely out of my system... But usually after a month I stop thinking about the other person that much and I can start having a "normal" chain of thoughts again... I still miss them but not as much as I have...

And thanks...


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Wolfheart
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18 Feb 2012, 3:54 pm

As hard as it may seem, your feelings are far too invested for a positive mutual friendship to come out of this situation, the best bet for you is to completely go away, do everything in your power to cut contact even if it means blocking him from your phone, avoiding him in real life and not making any contact. It's not going to be easy and it will require discipline, strength and determination but I think with enough willpower, you will be able to get through this and see that there is a world without your ex.

Try to find the positive aspects in your life that you had before you met your ex and try to focus on independent goals and interests, you need to start enjoying the idea of being positive and happy independently.



Skateri
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18 Feb 2012, 4:30 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
As hard as it may seem, your feelings are far too invested for a positive mutual friendship to come out of this situation, the best bet for you is to completely go away, do everything in your power to cut contact even if it means blocking him from your phone, avoiding him in real life and not making any contact. It's not going to be easy and it will require discipline, strength and determination but I think with enough willpower, you will be able to get through this and see that there is a world without your ex.

Try to find the positive aspects in your life that you had before you met your ex and try to focus on independent goals and interests, you need to start enjoying the idea of being positive and happy independently.


As I wrote in the very first post, I both can't and won't cut him out of my life... I've made an ex into a friend so many times and I know it takes time... And this may be the hardest one ever but I'm determined to do this... The history we share is to valuable to just throw out... I know that I'll have the memories anyway but we just clicked right from the first day... And seeing that that doesn't happen to me that often I would do anything to keep him in my life one way or the other... Even if that means having a racetrack for my thoughts about him... But I will get over him... I just hope that I can do that even if he is in my life... I can't even think about cutting him off... That would make me miserable...


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blueroses
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21 Feb 2012, 5:38 pm

I think you should consider taking a hiatus. Not cutting him out forever, but at least giving yourself some time to heal or cool off before seeing him again. It's great you guys are trying to be friends and understand where you are coming from with wanting to do that, but your feelings for each other aren't like a light switch you can just turn on and off and you may need to take some time to adjust to new roles.

Just out of curiosity, how long were you two together?



Skateri
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21 Feb 2012, 6:09 pm

blueroses wrote:
I think you should consider taking a hiatus. Not cutting him out forever, but at least giving yourself some time to heal or cool off before seeing him again. It's great you guys are trying to be friends and understand where you are coming from with wanting to do that, but your feelings for each other aren't like a light switch you can just turn on and off and you may need to take some time to adjust to new roles.

Just out of curiosity, how long were you two together?


Yeah... That may be a good idea... I must admit at the moment I have something else I need to take care of first...

Officially we were only together for three months... Unofficially we were flirting and dating for almost a year... It became exclusive in october... And he left me in january... We first got together and talked in april or may last year...


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