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SteveK
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30 Oct 2006, 7:32 am

KimJ,

Funny thing about my capped words. I used to write everything in caps! I eventually changed, but then got yelled at for yelling! Why? Because I got an Apple II+. It didn't have lower case! OK, so I got a lower case adapter, and the world seemed ok. I emphasive, and people accuse me of yelling.

As for claiming to speak for all, I have never done that. I wouldn't presume to. However, her son did make his wishes known, and I had the same problem. Will he ever hug of his own accord? Probably. Aspergers people can change. That is not only an implied aspect, but one that has happened many times. All I am saying is that I am sure forcing it is bad advice.

BTW back to the speaking for all topic. I happen to fit into a lot of groups someway, and outsiders misunderstand us. HECK, I am white male. Some may consider me a geek or nerd. I am middle aged. I am a programmer I don't like sports. I come off as confrontational and arrogant, but am actually nice and modest. I even ask my employers to turn down the praise. If you would only think of the steriotypes there, you could see what I mean.

And now I find that there is a diagnoses that explains it all! It is a curse and a blessing though. The only real benefits I see is that I am not alone, and more people have a CHANCE to understand me. Heck, I told my mother about how this even explains how I apparantly never learned to speak. She never heard me utter a word, just complete sentences, and she marveled about how I only made one mistake she ever knew of. IT was so slight she may only have misheard. Anyway, even THAT is on wikipedia!

When It comes right down to it, I guess you are right. It is opinion. I just think mine(and that of many others given here) should trump others, because WE have been there!(sorry for emphasis, but I feel it should stay). I think HIS feelings should trump any others because doing otherwise is just not right IMHO.(akronym)

Anyway, I have sanitized most of the emphasis here. Sorry for "yelling".

Steve



SteveK
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30 Oct 2006, 7:44 am

BTW I have met people that comeoff as modest and nice that are actually NEITHER. I'l take the opposite side any day of the week, and I am certainly not the only one. If aspergers teaches you anything, it is that you can't tell a book by its cover, and things are harder to categorize. I have always tested high regarding IQ, but I was happy when I found that there were actually something like 7 IQs now. On some I would test quite low on, and others quite high. But at least the idea of "different but equal" is expressed.

Steve



nina
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30 Oct 2006, 8:54 am

I'm sorry to have created such a heated discussion. I do see all of your points. Let me explain a little about me growing up, though. When I was growing up my mother always favored my little brother. He could do no wrong. Even when he was wrong it was my fault! I never got in trouble, did well in school, did what I was told and I was always the bad one. I don't think I was the daughter my mother always dreamed of having. My brother would set fires, take stuff apart, break stuff and it was cute to her. He always got all the attention. My mother still says it's all in my head, but it was there. I made a promise to myself and any children I may someday have that they would all be treated the same.

I try very hard to keep things as even as possible with them. If I give one a hug I want the other to know I love them. If I praise one, I find something to praise the other about. I don't ever want them to feel I love one more than the other. I guess this is my issue to work out, but something I feel so strongly about.

The reason I think I may have AS, too, is for so many reasons. I am the mirror image of my son sometimes. I have a very hard time making friends. People always assume I'm stuck up. I just don't know what to say. My mother said all my problems started when I was 9 years old and I know that's about the age when AS symptoms can be noticed. I have thought I've had OCD since I was in college. I am very spontaneous. I always do things without thinking them through. I've never been a hugger, but I don't think I've ever felt love like the love I feel for my children. I want them to know they are loved and cared about. I never had that growing up.

Thanks for listening!



KimJ
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30 Oct 2006, 10:09 am

I know exactly what you're saying. I was very resistive to my parents' hugs. Some people here describe situations that seem that we all like hugs but our parents turned us off to it. I didn't want my son to experience that rejection.
When he was a baby, I thought the pulling away was just him being like me. I thought if I gave unconditional hugs, he would like them eventually. But he didn't. It wasn't until we watched The Teletubbies that he learned to talk and express his wants. He was about 2 1/2-3.

One thing about treating your kids equally is to be more understanding with each. Your son might like "love notes" or cartoons instead of hugs.

My parents did the same thing with my brother and I. He was the "golden child". But the problem is, he didn't become their carbon copy and they're furious with him. He realized that they were just using him as a trophy. My mom gets upset and says, 'What happened to you? you were such a sweet boy?"
He says, "I grew up!"