Asperger's/Autism Love Success Stories (Sticky)



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Luska
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:11 am

The forums are full of people with problems so I decided to make this thread so that people can look around here for patterns that led to success or if you're married in a relationship please write down your stories here that led to success. EVERYONE on earth finds dating and marriage hard. If you have autism though you are at a disadvantage. Dating with Aspies and autists is significantly different with NTs since autistic traits are unfortunately a turnoff.


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHifXw7fQRg[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgVVN1CaAk8[/youtube]

KEY POINTS AND STRATEGIES (summary of Tony Atwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (LongTerm Relationships Chapter)
The male partner with Asperger’s syndrome:
° Many women describe their first impression of their partner, who at
this stage may not have had a diagnosis, as someone who is kind,
attentive and slightly immature: the highly desirable ‘handsome and
silent stranger’.
° There can be a strong maternal compassion for the person’s limited
social abilities.
° The attractiveness of a man with Asperger’s syndrome as a partner can
be enhanced by his intellectual abilities, career prospects and degree of
attention to his partner during courtship.
° The partner with Asperger’s syndrome is usually a late developer in
terms of emotional and relationship maturity.
° Many women have described how their partner with Asperger’s
syndrome resembled their father.
° Men with Asperger’s syndrome are often less concerned about their
partner’s physique than other men, and also less concerned about age or
cultural differences.
• While men with Asperger’s syndrome tend to seek a partner who can
compensate for their difficulties in daily life – that is, someone from the
other end of the continuum of social and emotional abilities – women
with Asperger’s syndrome often seek a partner with a personality similar
to themselves.

Problems in the relationship:

° The courtship may not provide an indication of the problems that can
develop later in the relationship.
° The initial optimism that the partner with Asperger’s syndrome will
gradually change and become more emotionally mature and socially
skilled can dissolve into despair that social skills are static due to
limited motivation to be more sociable.
° The most common problem for the non-Asperger’s syndrome partner is
feeling lonely.
° The non-Asperger’s syndrome partner often suffers affection
deprivation which can be a contributory factor to low self-esteem and
depression.

The person with Asperger’s syndrome may express his or her love in
more practical terms than through gestures of affection.

° A metaphor for the need and capacity for affection is that typical people
have a bucket that needs to be filled, whereas people with Asperger’s
syndrome have a cup that is quickly filled to capacity.
• Successful strategies to overcome difficulties:
° Clinical and counselling experience suggests that there are three
requisites for a successful relationship. The first is that both partners
acknowledge the diagnosis. The second requisite is motivation for both
partners to change and learn. The third is access to relationship
counselling modified to accommodate the profile of abilities and
experiences of the partner with Asperger’s syndrome.
° There are strategies to assist the non-Asperger’s syndrome partner,
namely to develop a network of friends to reduce the sense of isolation
and re-experience the enjoyment of social occasions.



Aharon
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:51 am

This is really good stuff. I find marriage very challenging and am seeking ways to improve my relationship and communication with my wife. If you have any more I'm sure many would love to read it! Thanks!


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Luska
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:59 am

Aharon wrote:
This is really good stuff. I find marriage very challenging and am seeking ways to improve my relationship and communication with my wife. If you have any more I'm sure many would love to read it! Thanks!

Thanks. :o



Luska
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:09 am

From Dr. Tony Attwood's Research on people With Asperger's (excerpts from his book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome")


Long-term Relationships
Many of those who do marry show tensions and problems in their marriage.
– Hans Asperger ((1944) 1991)

A man or a woman with Asperger’s syndrome can develop intimate personal relationships and become a life-long partner. For such a relationship to begin, both parties would have initially found the other person to be attractive. What are the characteristics that someone would find attractive in a person with Asperger’s syndrome?

Choice of Partner

From my clinical experience, and the research of maxine aston (2003), men with Asperger’s syndrome have several positive attributes for a prospective partner. The first meeting may be through a shared interest such as the care of animals, similar religious beliefs or studying the same course. Many women describe their first impression of their partner, who at this stage may not have had a diagnosis, as someone who is kind, attentive and slightly immature: the highly desirable ‘handsome and silent stranger’. Children with asperger’s syndrome are often perceived as having angelic faces, and as adults may have symmetrical facial features that are aesthetically appealing. The person may be more handsome than previous partners and considered a good ‘catch’ in terms of looks, especially if the woman has doubts regarding her own self-esteem and physical attractiveness. The lack of social and conversational skills can lead to his being perceived as the ‘silent stranger’, whose social abilities will be unlocked and transformed by a partner who is an expert on empathy and socializing. There can be a strong maternal compassion for the person’s limited social abilities, with a belief that his social confusion and lack of social confidence were due to his circumstances as a child, and can be repaired over time. Love will change everything.



The attractiveness of a man with Asperger’s syndrome as a partner can be enhanced by his intellectual abilities, career prospects and degree of attention to his partner during courtship. The devotion can be very flattering, though others might perceive the adulation as bordering on obsessive. The hobby or special interest can initially be perceived as endearing and ‘typical of boys and men’. The person with Asperger’s syndrome may have an appealing ‘Peter Pan’ quality.

Men with Asperger’s syndrome can also be admired for speaking their mind, having a sense of social justice and strong moral convictions. They are often described as having ‘old-world’ values, and being less motivated than other men for physically intimate activities, or for spending time with male friends. The man with Asperger’s syndrome appears to have a ‘feminine’, rather than ‘macho’ quality – the ideal partner for the modern woman. The man with Asperger’s syndrome is usually a late developer in terms of emotional and relationship maturity, and this could be his first serious relationship, while his same-age peers have had several long-term relationships already. There is therefore the advantage of no previous relationship ‘baggage’. Many women have described to me how their partner with Asperger’s syndrome resembled their father. Having a parent with Asperger’s syndrome may contribute towards determining the type of person you choose to become your partner.

When men with Asperger’s syndrome are asked what was initially appealing about their partner, they often describe one physical quality, such as hair, or specific personality characteristics, especially being maternal in looking after (or already having) children, or caring for injured animals. Men with Asperger’s syndrome are often less concerned about their partner’s physique than other men, and also less concerned about age or cultural differences.



Last edited by Luska on Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:56 am, edited 4 times in total.

Luska
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:15 am

Sometimes the person with Asperger’s syndrome appears to have created a mental ‘job description’ for a prospective partner, searching for a suitable ‘applicant’ that can compensate for recognized difficulties in life. Once a candidate has been found, that person is pursued with determination that can be hard to resist. One of the ‘job requirements’ is having advanced social and maternal abilities. Thus, an attractive partner will be someone who is at the opposite end of the empathy and social understanding continuum.

People with Asperger’s syndrome may also know they need a partner who can act as an executive secretary to help with organizational problems, and continue many of the emotional support functions provided by their mother when they were living at home. Men with Asperger’s syndrome often elicit strong maternal feelings in women, and know that is what they need in a partner. They also usually seek someone who has strong moral values, who, once married, is likely to be dedicated to making the relationship succeed. What is it that typical men find attractive in a woman with Asperger’s syndrome? The characteristics can be similar to the characteristics women find appealing in a man with Asperger’s syndrome. The woman’s social immaturity and naïvety can be appealing to men who have natural paternal and compassionate qualities. There can be the obvious physical attractiveness and admirable talents and abilities. The sometimes emotionally aloof personality may be reminiscent of the man’s mother; and there can be the shared enjoyment of common interests and appreciation of the initial degree of adulation.


While men with Asperger’s syndrome tend to seek a partner who can compensate for their difficulties in daily life – that is, someone from the other end of the continuum of social and emotional abilities –women with Asperger’s syndrome often seek a partner with a personality similar to themselves. They feel more comfortable with someone who does not have a great social life and does not seek frequent physical intimacy. As both partners have similar characteristics and expectations, the relationship can be successful and enduring.

Unfortunately, people with Asperger’s syndrome may not be very good at identifying the ‘predators’ in life, and some women with Asperger’s syndrome have not been wise in their choice of partner. They have become the victim of relationship predators and suffered various forms of abuse. Thewoman with Asperger’s syndrome may initially feel sorry for the man, much as she would for a stray dog, but is unable to extricate herself from a history of being attractive to and attracted by disreputable characters. Having low self-esteem can also affect the choice of partner for a woman with Asperger’s syndrome. Deborah explained in an e-mail to me: ‘I set my expectations very low and as a result gravitated toward abusive people. I cannot stress the importance of recognizing how important self esteem is to an autistic adult.’



Last edited by Luska on Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

Luska
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:22 am

PROBLEMS IN THE RELATIONSHIP

The courtship may not provide an indication of the problems that can develop later in the relationship. The person with Asperger’s syndrome may have developed a superficial expertise in romance and dating from careful observation, and by mimicking actors and using the script from television programmes and films. Some partners have explained that they never saw the real person before they were married, and after their wedding day, the person abandoned the persona that was previously so attractive. As one woman said, ‘He had won the prize and didn’t have to pretend any more.’

There are many potential problems in the relationship. Often, what was endearing at the start later becomes a problem. The initial optimism that the partner with Asperger’s syndrome will gradually change and become more emotionally mature and socially skilled can dissolve into despair that social skills are static due to limited motivation to be more sociable. This can be due to the intellectual effort needed to socialize, subsequent exhaustion, and a fear of making a social mistake. Joint social contact with friends can slowly diminish. The partner with Asperger’s syndrome does not want or need the same degree of social contact they enjoyed as a couple when they were courting. The non-Asperger syndrome partner may reluctantly agree to reduce the frequency and duration of social contact with family, friends and colleagues for the sake of the relationship. They gradually absorb the characteristics of Asperger’s syndrome into their own personality.

The most common problem for the non-Asperger’s syndrome partner is feeling lonely. The partner with Asperger’s syndrome can be content with his or her own company for long periods of time. Although the couple are living together, conversations may be few, and primarily involve the exchange of information rather than an enjoyment of each other’s company, experiences and shared opinions. As a man with Asperger’s syndrome said, ‘My pleasure doesn’t come from an emotional or interpersonal exchange.’

In a typical relationship, there is the expectation of regular expressions of love and affection. Chris, a married man with Asperger’s syndrome, explained that: I have an enormous difficulty with the verbal expression of affection. It is not just a case of feeling embarrassed or self-conscious with it. I understand that this may be difficult for anyone else to understand, but it takes a great deal of effort of will to tell my wife how I feel about her. (Slater-Walker and Slater-Walker 2002, p.89) His wife added her comments to her husband’s infrequent words and gestures that communicate feelings of love:
Chris told me once that he loved me. I have since discovered that it is not necessary for the person with AS to repeat these small intimacies that are frequently part of a relationship; the fact has been stated once, and that is enough. (Slater-Walker and Slater-Walker 2002, p.99)

For the person with Asperger’s syndrome, the frequent reiteration of the obvious or known facts is illogical.

The non-Asperger’s syndrome partner suffers affection deprivation which can be a contributory factor to lowself-esteem and depression. The typical partner is metaphorically a rose trying to blossom in an affection desert (Long 2003). The partner with Asperger’s syndrome wants to be a friend and a lover but has little idea of how to do either (Jacobs 2006).

A recent survey of women who have a partner with Asperger’s syndrome included the question ‘Does your partner love you?’ and 50 per cent replied, ‘I don’t know’ (Jacobs 2006). What was missing in the relationship were daily words and gestures of affection, tangible expressions of love. People with Asperger’s syndrome have difficulties with the communication of emotions, and this includes love (see Chapter 6).When a partner said to her husband with Asperger’s syndrome, ‘You never show you care,’ he replied, ‘Well, I fixed the fence, didn’t I?’ The person with Asperger’s syndrome may express his or her love in more practical terms; or, to change a quotation from Star Trek (Spock, examining an extra-terrestrial: ‘It’s life, Jim, but not aswe know it’) in Asperger’s syndrome, it is love, but not as we know it. A metaphor for the need and capacity for affection can be that typical people have a bucket that needs to be filled, whereas people with Asperger’s syndrome have a cup that is quickly filled to capacity. The person with Asperger’s syndrome may not express sufficient affection to meet the needs of his or her partner. However, I have known of relationships where the partner with Asperger’s syndrome expresses affection too frequently, though this may be more as an aspect of severe anxiety and need for maternal reassurance. As a man with Asperger’s syndrome said: ‘We feel and show affection but not enough and at the wrong intensity.’ The person with Asperger’s syndrome can be overly detached or attached.

During times of personal distress, when empathy and words and gestures of affection would be expected as an emotional restorative, the typical partner may be left alone to ‘get over it’. I have noted that this is not a callous act; the partner with Asperger’s syndrome is probably very kind, but in his or her mind, the most effective emotional restorative is solitude. They often describe how a hug is perceived as an uncomfortable squeeze and does not automatically make them feel better. Indeed, the comment from the typical partner can be that hugging a partner with Asperger’s syndrome is like ‘hugging a piece of wood’. The person does not relax and enjoy such close proximity and touch.

Being alone is often the main emotional recovery mechanism for people with Asperger’s syndrome, and they may assume that is also the case for their partner. They may also not know how to respond, or fear making the situation worse. I observed a situation where a husband with Asperger’s syndrome was sitting next to his wife, who was in tears. He remained still and did not offer any words or gestures of affection. Later, when I discussed this situation with him, and asked if he noticed that his wife was crying, he replied, ‘Yes, but I didn’t want to do the wrong thing.’

There may be issues associated with sexual intimacy. The person with Asperger’s syndrome may not by nature be a romantic person who understands the value in a relationship of an amorous atmosphere, foreplay and close physical contact. Ron, a man with Asperger’s syndrome, said, ‘Intimacy means for me being invaded or overwhelmed. I experienced none of the proverbial sexual chemistry with anyone.’ There can also be sensory experiences during moments of sexual intimacy that are perceived as unpleasant by the person with Asperger’s syndrome, affecting the enjoyment of both partners.

Knowledge on sexuality may also be limited, or the source material of concern. Men with Asperger’s syndrome may consider pornography as an authoritative guide book for sexual activities, and women with Asperger’s syndrome may have used television ‘soap operas’ as a guide to the script and actions in intimate relationships. Non-Asperger’s syndrome partners may also have difficulty having a romantic and passionate relationship with someone they often have to ‘mother’, and who may have the emotional maturity of an adolescent.


Sexuality can become a special interest in terms of acquiring information and an interest in sexual diversity and activities. The desire for sexual activities and sexual intimacy can be excessive, almost compulsive. However, the partner of a man or woman with Asperger’s syndrome is more likely to be concerned about the lack of sexual desire rather than an excess. The partner with Asperger’s syndrome may become asexual once he or she has children or once the couple have formally committed themselves to the relationship. In a relationship counselling session, the partner of a man with Asperger’s syndrome was visibly distressed when announcing to me that she and her husband had not had sex for over a year. Her husband, who has Asperger’s syndrome, appeared to be confused and said to her, ‘Whywould youwant sex when we have enough children?’

There are other problems. In modern western society we have tended to replace the word husband or wife with the word partner. This is a reflection of changing attitudes towards relationships. Women today are justifiably no longer content with their partner just being the provider of the income for the family. They expect their partner to share the work load at home, for domestic chores and caring for the children, and to be their best friend in terms of conversation, sharing experiences and emotional support. Sharing, and being a best friend, are not attributes that are easy for the person with
Asperger’s syndrome to achieve. There can be problems with the ability of the person with Asperger’s syndrome to manage anxiety, and this can affect the relationship. The partner can become very controlling, and life for the whole family is based around rigid routines. Partners with Asperger’s syndrome can impose their pronouncements without consultation with their typical partner,who resents being excluded from major decisions, such as relocation or a change of career. For those adults with Asperger’s syndrome who continue to have problems with executive function (see Chapter 9), the typical partner often has to take the responsibility for the family finances, budgeting and resolving the organizational and interpersonal problems that have developed in the partner’s work situation. This adds to the stress and responsibility of the typical partner.


In any relationship, there will inevitably be areas of disagreement and conflict. Unfortunately, people with Asperger’s syndrome can have a history of limited ability to manage conflict successfully. They may have a limited range of options and may not be skilled in the art of negotiation, accepting alternative perspectives or agreeing to compromise. There can be an inability to accept even partial responsibility. Partners complain, ‘it is never his fault’, ‘I always get the blame’ and ‘I’m always criticized, I’m never encouraged’. There can be concerns about verbal abuse, especially as a response to
perceived criticism, with an apparent inability to show remorse and to forgive and forget. This can be due to a difficulty with understanding the thoughts, feelings and perspectives of others, a central characteristic of Asperger’s syndrome. The person with Asperger’s syndrome may also have problems with anger management that further complicate
the relationship.

A recent survey of the mental and physical health of couples where the male partner has Asperger’s syndrome, a diagnosis not shared by the female partner, indicated that the relationship has very different health effects for each partner (Aston 2003). Most men with Asperger’s syndrome felt that their mental and physical health had significantly improved due to the relationship. They stated that they felt less stressed and would much prefer to be in the relationship than alone. They had achieved an inner satisfaction with the relationship. In contrast, the overwhelming majority of non-Asperger’s syndrome partners stated that their mental health had significantly deteriorated due to the relationship. They felt emotionally exhausted and neglected, and many reported signs of a clinical depression. A majority of respondents in the survey also stated that the relationship had contributed to deterioration in physical health.

Thus, the relationship was considered as contributing to improved mental and physical health by the majority of partners with Asperger’s syndrome, but the reverse for the non-Asperger’s syndrome partner. This explains the perception of many partners with Asperger’s syndrome that the relationship is just fine, and they cannot understand why their relationship skills are criticized. The relationship is just fine for their needs, while their partner feels more like a housekeeper, accountant and mother figure.



Last edited by Luska on Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:00 am, edited 2 times in total.

Luska
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:38 am

STRATEGIES TO STRENGTHEN THE RELATIONSHIP
I have provided relationship counselling to coupleswhere one partner has a diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome, and I have great respect for the ability of the non-Asperger’s syndrome partners to commit themselves to the relationship. Among their many attributes are belief in their partner, remaining faithful to the relationship, intuition that he or she ‘can’t’ rather than ‘won’t’, and an ability to imagine and have compassion for what it must be like to have Asperger’s syndrome.

Clinical and counselling experience suggests that there are three requisites for a successful relationship (Aston 2003). The first is that both partners acknowledge the diagnosis. The non-Asperger’s syndrome partners may be the first of the two to accomplish this and no longer feel self-blame or insane. Their circumstances are finally validated and eventually understood by family and friends. They also tend to feel better able to cope on a day-to-day basis. However, acknowledging the diagnosis can be the end of hope that their partner will naturally improve his or her relationship skills.

The acceptance of the diagnosis for those with Asperger’s syndrome is important in enabling them to recognize their relationship strengths and weaknesses. There can be the dawn of realization of how their behaviour and attitudes affect their partners, and a greater sense of cooperation between the partners in identifying changes to improve the relationship and mutual understanding. The second requisite is motivation for both partners to change and learn. There is usually more motivation for change from the non-Asperger’s syndrome partner, who may already have a more flexible attitude to change and a foundation of considerable relationship skills. The third requisite is access to relationship counselling, modified to accommodate the profile of abilities of the partner with Asperger’s syndrome, and a willingness to implement suggestions from specialists in Asperger’s syndrome, the relevant literature and support groups.

Many couples who attend conventional relationship counselling have found that the standard relationship therapy is less likely to be successful when one of the partners has Asperger’s syndrome.
The relationship counsellor needs to be knowledgeable in Asperger’s syndrome and to modify counselling techniques to accommodate the specific problems people with Asperger’s syndrome have with empathy, self-insight and selfdisclosure, the communication of emotions and previous relationship experiences. We now have self-help literature on relationships written by couples with one partner who has Asperger’s syndrome, and by specialists in Asperger’s syndrome (Aston
2003; Edmonds and Worton 2005; Jacobs 2006; Lawson 2005; Rodman 2003;
Slater-Walker and Slater-Walker 2002; Stanford 2003).

It is important to remember that my descriptions of relationship difficulties and support strategies are based on my experience of relationship counselling of adults who did not benefit from a diagnosis in early childhood and subsequent guidance throughout childhood in the development of friendship and relationship abilities. Such individuals have spent a lifetime knowing they are different, and developing camouflaging and compensatory mechanisms that may contribute to some social success at a superficial level but can be detrimental to an intimate relationship with a partner. I suspect that the new generation of children and adolescents who have the advantage of a diagnosis and greater understanding of Asperger’s syndrome by themselves, relatives and friends are more likely to have a successful long-term relationship that is mutually satisfying.

While the partner with Asperger’s syndrome will benefit from guidance and encouragement in improving relationship skills, there are strategies to assist the non-Asperger’s syndrome partner.

Once the diagnosis has been accepted by the family, there can be greater emotional support from close family members and friends. It is important that the person develops a network of friends to reduce the sense of isolation, and learns to re-experience the enjoyment of social occasions, perhaps without the presence of the partner with Asperger’s syndrome. It is important that he or she does not feel guilty that the partner is not there. There are considerable relationship advantages in the non-Asperger’s syndrome partner having a special friend who has an intuitive ability to repair emotions, and can become a soul mate to provide empathy. An occasional escape or holiday with friends can also provide an opportunity to regain confidence in social abilities and rapport. A positive attitude is also of paramount importance. As one partner said, ‘When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.’

~End of Excerpt from Dr. Tony Attwood''s The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome



Chooty
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:15 am

I disagree with the idea that people with asperger are less attentive/affectionate. Maybe in general it's true, but I am by a miles lead the more affectionate partner in my relationship, very flirty & attentive.

I guess succes start by aiming for the right person, something that could help a lot o people who are struggeling.



Luska
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:30 am

Chooty wrote:
I disagree with the idea that people with asperger are less attentive/affectionate. Maybe in general it's true, but I am by a miles lead the more affectionate partner in my relationship, very flirty & attentive.

I guess succes start by aiming for the right person, something that could help a lot o people who are struggeling.


That's not what he meant but from the perspective of the NON asperger's partner it looks like that.

Quote:
The non-Asperger’s syndrome partner suffers affection deprivation which can be a contributory factor to lowself-esteem and depression. The typical partner is metaphorically a rose trying to blossom in an affection desert (Long 2003). The partner with Asperger’s syndrome wants to be a friend and a lover but has little idea of how to do either (Jacobs 2006)



mv
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Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:36 am

I also disagree a bit with Attwood. Firstly, there's almost nothing on women with Aspergers and what little there is, is hopelessly pigeonholed. For example, I have a very healthy sex drive, even post-children. Also, I may be naive in some respects, but I'm very worldly in others.



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Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:49 am

I glanced the page and got totally demotivated.



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Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:59 am

Quote:
A recent survey of the mental and physical health of couples where the male partner has Asperger’s syndrome, a diagnosis not shared by the female partner, indicated that the relationship has very different health effects for each partner (Aston 2003). Most men with Asperger’s syndrome felt that their mental and physical health had significantly
improved due to the relationship. They stated that they felt less stressed and would much prefer to be in the relationship than alone. They had achieved an inner satisfaction with the relationship. In contrast, the overwhelming majority of non-Asperger’s syndrome partners stated that their mental health had significantly deteriorated due to the relationship. They felt emotionally exhausted and neglected, and many reported signs of a clinical depression. A majority of respondents in the survey also stated that the relationship had contributed to deterioration in physical health.


This describes my experience perfectly, it's the main reason I have decided that it's essentially immoral for me to even attempt a relationship with anyone.


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Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:08 am

So we conclude that male aspies are mental-sanity vampires?



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Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:09 am

mv wrote:
I also disagree a bit with Attwood. Firstly, there's almost nothing on women with Aspergers and what little there is, is hopelessly pigeonholed. For example, I have a very healthy sex drive, even post-children. Also, I may be naive in some respects, but I'm very worldly in others.

that chapter is mostly based on maxine astons research, she is the one who invented 'cassandra affective disorder' where an aspie causes mental illness in their NT partner. http://www.maxineaston.co.uk/cassandra/
She is not a Dr and only has a psyhology degree, msc and counseling diploma and is an ex wife of an aspie. Most books on aspergers mainly reference her in their relationship chapters, giving them all a negative slant. This is because there is a dearth of research on aspie relationships and so hers is used, despite not being qualified to do research and not being peer reviewed. I think this is a great shame, and hopefully as time goes on more research will be done on aspie relationships and hers will not be the main material used for chapters anymore.

That whole chapter is horrible and says really nasty stuff about aspies as parents, which has bad implications/effects for court custody and social services (such as saying the NT is a 'natural' parenting expert and should have custody and children often hate their aspie parent).



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Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:11 am

The-Raven wrote:
mv wrote:
I also disagree a bit with Attwood. Firstly, there's almost nothing on women with Aspergers and what little there is, is hopelessly pigeonholed. For example, I have a very healthy sex drive, even post-children. Also, I may be naive in some respects, but I'm very worldly in others.

that chapter is mostly based on maxine astons research, she is the one who invented 'cassandra affective disorder' where an aspie causes mental illness in their NT partner. http://www.maxineaston.co.uk/cassandra/
She is not a Dr and only has a psyhology degree, msc and counseling diploma and is an ex wife of an aspie. Most books on aspergers mainly reference her in their relationship chapters, giving them all a negative slant. This is because there is a dearth of research on aspie relationships and so hers is used, despite not being qualified to do research and not being peer reviewed. I think this is a great shame, and hopefully as time goes on more research will be done on aspie relationships and hers will not be the main material used for chapters anymore.

That whole chapter is horrible and says really nasty stuff about aspies as parents, which has bad implications/effects for court custody and social services (such as saying the NT is a 'natural' parenting expert and should have custody and children often hate their aspie parent).


Ahhhh, this puts things into a proper context. Thanks so much!



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